This month was somewhat slow for contributions, I'm sure the holiday had a lot to do with it, keeping everyone busy and away from their blogs. On the other hand, there's nothing like family time to inspire abuse survivors to write, so I'm looking forward to reading some of the post-holiday thoughts in the next few months. :)
I enjoyed hosting this month's edition. It forced me to make time to read everyone's submissions and I really enjoyed that tremendously. So, without any further delay:
Survivor Stories and Poetry
Heather presents Personal Legacy of Abuse, about which she added "As part of my own healing... and working through the devastating effects of abuse I decided to create this diagram that make it easy to see the profound effect that abuse has."
Brian aka hummingbunny presents Poetry Thursday about Little Brian, "a poem about one of my multiples, Little Brian, and is our virtual trip to the museum."
WW added a timely poetry submission What Am I Thankful For? , and this remark to the group:
To All: I recently deleted my PTSD blog, but a new and better one is on the way. In the meantime, I would like to submit this semi-poetry, which is not about child abuse specifically, for the Carnival Against Child Abuse. I am a survivor. And this Thanksgiving I am focusing on all the good things life has to offer. WW
Also, Lisa added Words.
In the News:
Speaking of Lisa, she also had some strong words about pedophiles in power in a post titled Osama bin Sperm Donor in '08!
Holly, meanwhile is focusing on a story about how Police share insight on sex crimes and hoping it can help governments find solutions.
Marcella Chester continues a conversation with How Abusers Convince Themselves They Aren't Doing Anything Wrong posted at abyss2hope: A rape survivor's zigzag journey into the open.
Advocacy and Awareness:
Faith presents Child Sexual Abuse; Broken Bodies - Broken Dreams
Jeremy delves into politics and religion a bit with Conservative Parents vs. the New World Order
Aftermath:
Annaleigh takes on a topic we're all familiar with, Staring into the face of my grief, sorrow, guilt, and shame.
Emily added this note "This post talks about how having sexual abuse stamped on my maternity notes effected me. I also talk about my pregnancy and how I worried about having a boy in terms of dealing with his gender and sexuality. Of course, I ended up having a boy and I can report that none of my fears came to fruitition." along with her submission, 39/40 Pink or blue?
Healing and Therapy:
The most submissions this month came in this area, which shows me that folks are working at healing. That makes me happy to see that.
Manymeez presents INSIDE THE ADULT MIND OF AN ABUSED CHILD: lessons in hope and change that can be learned
Linda Freedman presents About Affection-Long Story-Part Two, adding "The post addresses the consequences in adulthood of having feared authority as a child. This second part of a four part series reveals Therapy Doc's bias on parenting and handling domestic chaos. Although there's a place for a Mommy Monster in the home, that place is clearly in the realm of hyperbole, not reality."
April_optimist had this to say about her entry, Powerful Choices
I wrote this because I was remembering how powerless I felt as a kid and how much I've grown and changed over the past few years. And I wanted to write about how as adults we can reclaim the power to be happy, the power to create the lives we want to have.
scarlett_demon shared some thoughs about Consent
Last, but certainly not least, Marj aka Thriver presents From Negative Assumptions to Autonomy and her words about her post are the words I want to leave you all with this month:
Many child abuse survivors, like myself, learn lots of negative assumptions about the world. Here's a look at turning those negatives into positives. We all deserve to feel better about ourselves!
Since today is Thanksgiving here in the US, and since I know many of my readers struggle with depression and other issues that make it very difficult to appreciate the good things life has to offer, I wanted to take a few minutes and talk about being thankful.
When we first got married, Angela and I had a book that we would each write down what we were thankful for as this holiday approached. I don't know what happened to the book, but the idea of putting that in writing was a great one!
This year I am thankful for many things. I'm thankful that I've gotten more settled and comfortable in my job than I was this time last year. I'm thankful for the people I work with who can make me laugh, show me their appreciation and who I just enjoy interacting with. (Yes, that's not all of the people I work with, but I'm thankful that there are some!)
I'm thankful in the same way for all the people I had the chance to get to know and interact with because of both of my websites. I've exchanged emails, ideas, and even met a few great people who I have learned a lot from, both personally and professionally.
I'm thankful for the friends I've made, the progress I've made at being a better friend and the patience and understanding of my friends as I learn how to do this. I still feel completely awkward with people too often, and I know I have much to learn about interacting with people but I feel like I'm growing in this area, and I've been able to maintain growth throughout my healing journey this year pretty consistently, which is all I could ask for. It sure beats making unhealthy decisions all the time. :)
I'm thankful that last year's awful health scare that our niece gave us right after her birth is but a distant memory, and we celebrated the first birthday of a happy, healthy little girl last week.
Last, and certainly not least, I am most thankful for my wife. She's an inspiration to me in more ways than I could tell you, but I'll try to roll off a few. She is the kind of thoughtful, warm, friendly person I aspire to be. She constantly sees opportunities to make people happy with a thoughtful gesture, and always knows exactly what the gesture should be. She has an easy way about her interactions with people, she can be charming, hospitable and witty in any group, without being overbearing. I learn more about being a good friend from watching her than I probably do from any other place in my life. She's also taught me to enjoy life, every day. That no matter what may be going on, there is always something to be happy about, thankful for, or to smile about. She's allowed me to do the things I enjoy, that make me happy or just keep me healthy, with nothing but her full support.
Most of all, she inspires me to be a better person in every realm of life simply because I want to be the best I can be as her husband. Someone so warm, compassionate, understanding, talented, smart, beautiful and alive deserves nothing less than my best efforts.
The deadline for this months Carnival Against Child Abuse is rapidly approaching. I've gotten a handful of submissions so far, and a few that Marj was kind enough to pass on that didn't quite make last month's deadline, but we can always use more, so get your submissions in, and pass along the word on your own blogs! Thanks!
One thing that's been on my mind lately is the concept of self-esteem and how other people can affect it. Granted, the ultimate goal in our journey would be to have a healthy enough level of self-esteem that we can forge ahead even when other people are doing things that cause us to question ourselves, but let's face it, for most of us dealing with childhood abuse issues, that goal is still in the future.
The question for me is, what people are having a negative impact on my self-esteem and how to deal with that. If someone is actually trying to make me self-conscious or to doubt myself, the healthy thing to do is find a way to not have to interact with that person anymore. But sometimes people just manage to find small ways to do the same thing without actually trying to. It's not so obvious to me whether the healthy thing to do is try to not interact with them, or simply learn to not allow those little comments, or acts to have that much of an affect on me.
It's a tough call. Growth comes through dealing with different people and different situations. If the goal is to learn how to not allow other people to shake your belief in yourself, then you need to be exposed to some situations where people make you uncomfortable. On the other hand, too much of that can cause a crushing loss of self-esteem that would be highly unhealthy, and dangerous.
The November edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is coming up. I'll be taking a turn at hosting it this month, and I'm looking forward to seeing all the ideas and writings that you all have been doing, so be sure to get your submissions in before Nov. 22!
I had high hopes for getting a lot done this weekend, figuring since I would be laid up somewhat for the weekend after the surgery, I could drag out the laptop and do some things.
I highly underestimated the power of Vicodin to knock me out cold. So, instead of being laid up and working, I've been laid up and sleeping, a lot!
That being said, the surgery went well, and aside from sleepiness and the occasional discomfort, the after-effects haven't been all that bad. We'll see how the work day tomorrow goes!
I read with great interest Marj's post about feeling grief as opposed to dissociating. One, because I also was diagnosed with one of those "other" dissociative disorders, with fugue being the "major" symptom. But secondly, because my history of dissociating has been a concern of mine recently. I'm due to have some minor surgery in a couple of days, and while I know with full certainty that it's a very simple procedure and there shouldn't be any problems, I still have some fear and anxiety about it, mostly because I'm unsure of exactly how I will react to the situation!
The surgery is a minor procedure, truth be told I'm having a vasectomy, making our decision to not have children a permanent one. Not a major deal, but then again, as a survivor of sexual abuse, simply by virtue of the location of the procedure, it stands to be somewhat emotionally traumatic for me. Perhaps I will write about both the procedure and my difficulty with it in more detail over the weekend, after it's over. :)
Unfortunately, when faced with this anxiety I have noticed myself dissociating ever so slightly. That's not good. That's not the healthy way to deal with this, but it is still my natural inclination. I still react to the stress the same way I always dealt with my depression, having the desire to either sleep, or just not be present in some way, until it's all over. I'm afraid that in a small, but significant way, I haven't been here lately while I wait for this to be over.
Which just goes to show, even after all this time some behaviors are very tough to unlearn.