So I was talking to a friend recently who suffers from panic attacks. I had many questions about how she deals with them, what she does to try and avoid having them, etc.
She said a couple of keys for her were trying to cut down stressors, getting exercise, even if it's just walking with the dog, and being able to logically "talk" to herself when she feels one coming on.
Now one thing I've never had is panic attacks, so I found the conversation, short as it was, quite fascinating. I've certainly struggled with my share of mental health issues, and have my own tools to cope with them, so I was very curious to know what tools other people use to cope with their own issues.
In light of that, and the reason I bring this up, who else struggles with panic attacks? What do you do to cope?
Actually I got an email from Andy, with a couple of links:
I thought I'd pass on these observations I've found for you to consider, ponder and maybe even comment on.
The first is from Alice Miller, and comes from her website:
http://www.alice-miller.com/flyers_en.php?page=3 (the 12 points)
The second is from a search of wikipedia for the psychology of torture:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychology_of_torture specifically this quote:
"It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering." Judith Herman
Thanks, Andy. As far as my thoughts, the first link, to Alice Miller's "the Roots of Violence", I'm not sure I completely agree with. She paints a very utopian picture at the end of a world in which all violence is utterly unthinkable because all children have had a good upbringing. Not only does the realist in me think that's ridiculous, but I also think it's a very dangerous way to think. Blaming all of the world's violence on poor childhoods provides too easy an excuse for people to not take responsibility for their own actions. If I were to do something violent, it would be because I chose to do that, as an adult, right now. It would not be because somewhere in my childhood that's how I learned to act, nor should anyone allow me to use that as an excuse.
Besides, I really do think that there is some violence that is inherent in the human condition and always will be, even with the best of childhoods. Children are not the completely innocent angels of Alice Miller's world, only corrupted by the discipline of their parents, they are fallible and prone to selfishness, just as adults are.
The second link is an interesting area of research, and I think the quote is also an interesting one. It is always easier to not know something than it is to acknowledge it and thus have to do something about it.
Interestingly enough, I think that tendency is also human nature, but a nature that can be overcome if we choose to.
After my surgery in November I wasn't able to workout for a couple of weeks. That only served to prove the one thing that people always say about exercise, once you stop working out regularly, it's incredibly hard to get start up again. It really is. Between a case of the flu and holidays it seemed like there were a ton of reasons why I couldn't go workout, so I didn't. After the new year though, Angela and I both agreed that we simply had to start going again, and we have.
We've been going 3 times a week for a couple of weeks now and I can't tell you how much better I feel. I have a ton more energy, my thinking is much more focused, my creative juices are flowing again.
If nothing else, I'm typing this up to remind myself of why I don't want to get out of the habit, or if circumstances force me to do that, to remember why I want to get back in the habit as quickly as possible!
I found this post about the statistics of on-line predators compared to the level of panic about on-line predators quite interesting. I've been aware for a number of years that focused media attention on any issue can greatly impact how people act, regardless of what the actual risk might be. How many people won't travel overseas or do other things despite the fact that millions of people do it safely every single day, because of the impression they get of how dangerous it is? This is pretty similar.
It seems like the area of protecting children is especially susceptible to this sort of behavior. Naturally, most parents feel the need to do everything they can to protect their children, and that's an instinct we really don't want them to lose, for sure. But, it can be very easy to see the media stories about on-line predators, or registered sex offenders and conclude that your kids will be safe simply by moving to a neighborhood that doesn't have any registered sex offenders in it, and keeping your kids off the Internet. The truth, however, is that you've actually done very little to protect your kids by doing those two things, because you've eliminated only two very small risks.
The truth is that, no matter how much you might try, you can never eliminate all the risks that your kids face. At some point they have to go outside your house, to school, to a playground, to the store, and they are at some risk then.
I've always been an advocate of teaching your kids to deal with risks as opposed to trying to hide them from all the risks. Let's face it, many of you reading this were abused, and many of you were abused long before there was any such thing as the Internet, let alone on-line predators, and many of you were abused by people who had never been charged with a sex crime, heck many of you were abused by members of your own family. What would have served you better growing up, having your parents move you to a "safe" neighborhood and keeping you away from strange adults, or teaching you about predators, how to handle them, who to tell, etc.? I know which one would have done me more good.
One of the causes of depression can be a either an unhealthy amount of, or an inability to cope with, stress. So, naturally when I spotted a post on LifeHacker about reducing stress, I had to click over through to the full article on 52 ways to reduce stress. There are some very good ideas here to help reduce stress, which is the best way to learn to cope with it!
One of the posts I've been looking at quite a bit from the last Carnival Against Child Abuse is this guest post by Stephanie Gagos about self-esteem. One of the ideas that strikes me, especially given the time of the year is the idea towards the end of balancing accepting yourself while also striving to improve yourself.
Naturally as the year changes, I'm prone to self-examination in terms of what my personal improvement goals have been, and continue to be, but it is very important to not use my desire for improvement as an excuse to get down on myself. For many years, as I struggled with serious self-esteem issues, that wouldn't have been possible. It's possible now, but still is an area I need to be careful with. Even after all these years it would still be very easy to focus on the improvements I would still like to make, instead of how much improvement I've already made.
For example, I'm a shy person. I've worked hard over the last couple of years to be more engaging, more outgoing, to do more thoughtful things to show my appreciation for friends, etc. I've come a long way in that regard, but there are still plenty of times where I find myself with nothing to say, or let my fear get the better of me instead of interacting with people, or try too hard and do something completely stupid. It takes a lot of work to continue on through that instead of beating myself up over it. The best way to stop beating myself up is to focus on how much improvement there's been since the days when I didn't talk to anyone more than necessary, or never got up the courage to share myself and my feelings with friends.
I guess, sometimes it's good to keep in mind where we've come from, if only to keep ourselves focused on the improvements we've made.
Here's hoping that 2007 is a great year full of healing and health for all of us.
And thank you all for reading, and contributing to the survivor community on-line. 2006 was a great year, I look forward to more of the same in 2007!