Tamara put it better than I ever could, but I wanted to echo her thoughts on how much it means to have fellow survivors involved in this site, and their own sites, sharing their stories, and generally making all of us survivors feel a little less alone in our journey.
I don't often find the time to get around and comment on as many survivor blogs as I should, but I do want to take the time to let many of you know that I do follow along and you are in my thoughts. We're in this together, and we will survive.
Over at Psych Central they've launched a new blog, devoted to Bipolar disorder. I don't suffer from bipolar disorder myself, but I know many of you do, and a quick look at the new site gives me the impression that it's going to be quite good. I'm sure it'll be just as informative and educational as the current one over on the Psych Central site. I'd definitely recommend stopping by, or subscribing to Bipolar Beat.
Also, keep an eye on the Psych Central blog as they have other plans:
Don’t have bipolar? We plan on launching additional topical blogs in the weeks to come, including blogs on depression and ADHD.
Every once in awhile, someone will tell me how brave I must be to talk openly about being a survivor in a public forum like this one. While I certainly don't disagree with that, (I'm not being immodest, it does take some courage to do this and I'm impressed with all survivors who blog openly about their experiences.) I don't think that survivors who I've talked to in real life give themselves enough credit.
It may seem like an oxymoron, but this is actually comparatively easy. I write, you all read. I'm not there when you read it, I don't see the reaction to it on your face, and if it bothers you that I talk about this, you click away and just don't come back. To me, I send this information out, and whoever wants to respond, is welcome to, but there's no expectation of a response.
Telling someone in person, for me, is much harder. Their reaction is immediate, it's right in front of you, and you get to see all of it, good or bad.
That's why the fellow survivors that I've met in real life, who take the time to tell me that they've stumbled onto the site, and it resonated with them as a survivor, have my utmost respect. They certainly didn't have to disclose to me, and I'm frankly honored that they were willing to. I realize that, in many cases, I may be one of the very few people who they've shared this information with, and just the simple act of telling someone who they think will understand is very important to them. In fact, many of the people who have disclosed to me, never talked to me about it after that, and that's ok. If telling someone helps, I'm glad to have been the person they felt comfortable telling, but I also understand that brings a responsibility with it that I don't take lightly at all.
First and foremost, of course, is the responsibility to keep their confidence. In most cases they've only told a few people in the whole world, it's not my job to tell the rest for them. No my job is to react, be supportive and open to talking to them any time they need, and never mentioning it to anyone again. It's not a very difficult job, but it is incredibly important. I've been entrusted with something very personal, and private, to people. It's not to be trifled with.
Yes, here in the US, it was Independence Weekend, which also happens to coincide with my birthday. (Yes, having your birthday be a National Holiday and never have to work, is pretty freakin' awesome!)
Anyway, this year was a pretty big milestone, as I turned 40. No, I'm not all that upset about it. Frankly, unlike many people who struggle with life not being what they imagined when they hit 40, I'm surprised I lived this long. :)
Anyway, however you might feel about getting older, I can offer this bit of advice. when you hit those milestone birthday's it always helps to be surrounded by the people who mean the most to you, to share it with you. I had a great weekend, spending lots of time with my wife, first and foremost. We also got to see my in-laws, and spent Saturday night celebrating, drinking and eating with some of our best friends. Regardless of my current age, I had a great time turning 40, and couldn't ask for better people to spend it with. I'm also making sure they all get notes about how much that meant to me. You definitely want to let the important people in your life know how important they are.
One of the lessons I learned a few years ago, was that it's actually quite rare for someone to really notice you, or think about you.
Now, that may sound like a pretty depressing thought, and to some extent, it is. On the other hand, it's also very freeing. It frees us from worrying about doing something embarrassing, for example. Aside from the most outrageous examples, most of the things we beat ourselves up about, and feel embarrassed about, go wholly unnoticed by the majority of people. They never give it a second thought.
It also frees us from unrealistic expectations. Knowing that outside of my wife, and a few other people, most people are not going to give my upcoming birthday a second thought, frees me to be able to appreciate the folks who do take the time to wish me a happy birthday, or do something nice for me. It comes as a nice little surprise more than anything else. I go into it expecting that no one needs to do anything, and get to feel grateful when someone does.
Lastly, it also makes it pretty easy to impress someone. Like I said, when I come to realize that it's highly unlikely that most people gave me a second thought, I'm very impressed by, and appreciative of, the thoughtfulness of someone who actually does. Remember, being thoughtful and being considered a good friend is all about being slightly better than other people. We don't have to be perfect, we just have to stand out among the crowd. If the crowd is full of people who rarely give others outside their immediate circle a second thought, it doesn't take much to stand out. A simple willingness to remember a birthday, help out with a problem PC, follow up on an idea you've discussed, or an inclusion in social plans can go a long way to showing yourself as a caring, thoughtful person. Of course, that assumes you're doing it to be thoughtful, and not in an insincere attempt to get something out of it for yourself. That won't get you far, but a small gestures of kindness, goes a long way in a world of self-centeredness.