Child Abuse Survivor

Court Appointed Special Advocates

I cant say that I was really aware of this organization until I got an email from someone at CASA-Nashville yesterday. I did want to bring them to your attention though, if you live in the Nashville area:

I work with Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) of Nashville, Tennessee. We are a nonprofit organization that provides trained community volunteers as Special Advocates for abused or neglected children whose cases are currently in the court system. As you know, it is a huge challenge to serve all the children in our area who need a voice in court and a caring mentor. Last year, we were able to serve over 600 children, but 2300 cases of abuse and neglect came through the Davidson County court.

To raise awareness of child abuse and recruit more dedicated volunteers, we recently began a fundraising campaign in partnership with Network for Good.

We have a donation "badge" online for individual donors (http://www.networkforgood.org/pca/Badge.aspx?BadgeId=108465), and we are entered in a contest to recruit the most unique donors to our badge, for the chance to win $50,000. This would make a huge difference in serving many more children who badly need a safe, permanent, nurturing home!

If you are interested in assisting our effort, or simply in learning more about CASA, please visit our website at www.casa-nashville.org.

If you don't live in Nashville and want to make a donation to your local group you can check the National website for a group near you. I never had to go through Family Court or Protective Services myself, but I can only imagine how difficult that would be to deal with at such a young age. It's nice to know that there are people out there willing to help kids in that situation.

October Carnival Against Child Abuse

I've been off-line for a couple of days, enjoying some vacation time with the wife. Tonight we're in Boone, NC with free wi-fi so I'm spending just a little bit of time getting caught up on some things. One of those things is pointing out that the October Edition of the Carnival Against Child Abuse is up. Check it out for some interesting reads.

At least, that'll give you plenty to read while you wait for me to have some more writing time. :)

Book Review

Disclaimer, they did send me a free book, on the other hand, now that I've read and reviewed it, I'll be running a contest, of some sort, in the near future to give the book away, so I'm not really getting any benefit from agreeing to review it, aside from reading it for free.

Discalimer #2, I'm not a book reviewer by profession, nor do I claim to be one, so remember, this isn't the New york Times Review, just one survivor's opinion. :)

First off let me say this about the book. If you're looking for the typical child abuse memoir, with the typical chronology of the abusive childhood, followed by the troubled years, followed by a long journey of healing, you will be disappointed by this book. On the other hand, that's exactly what I liked about this story. This wasn't yet another memoir about the struggles of healing from a broken childhood, this was a story set during one particular bike racing season, when a 39 year old man takes on the physical challenge of trying to score ten points in the weekly races at the request of his daughter.

It's a story about working towards a difficult goal, and learning about yourself in the process. In this case, it's learning to identify, and overcome, the "monster" that rages inside of abuse victims.

Now, granted, as a fellow 39 year old who has been interested in bike racing since I was a little kid and used to watch the Tour de France on televison, obviously the story was going to hold my attention. The descriptions of riding in the pack, or the physical demands of sprinting toward a finish line are told in such detail that I can easily identify with the struggle. But even if you're not all that interested in bike racing, I think the all too common themes of struggle, of identifying how those things you've tried so hard to put behind you still affect you on a daily basis, and of learning to live with them, will be useful to survivors of all types.

For example, one of the themes that struck me as I read this story is the fear and shame of failing at a goal. Many survivors, myself included, struggle with  failure in ways that other people don't seem to comprehend. Even the smallest project can become a source of great frustration, even rage, when we are unable to complete it, or the task will simply consume us until it is completed, no matter how unimportant it may really be. Many survivors live with a very strong sense of shame about what happened to them, as if their failure was a cause of being abused as much, if not more than, the abuser. Failing at any task, no matter how small, means reliving all that shame that has built up over the years in the present. Shame is a very powerful emotion, and the avoidance of shame is a very powerful motivator. To some extent that is natural, no one wants to fail at any task.  To the shamed survivor though, it's not just about this one task. The current task is a symbol of all the shame and failure he/she has lived with for many years.

That's the beauty of this story, because it does take place over one short period of time, and focusing on one task as symbolic of all the tasks that go into a life, it gives you insight into the inner workings of a survivor as he focuses on one task. It shows us, without any sugar coating, how painful abuse can be, even long after the actual abuse has stopped. More importantly, Bill shows us these details while weaving a wonderful tale of competition around all of these other themes. Well done.

Tags: BillStrickland, TenPoints, HyperionBooks

One Whole Year

Yes it's been a full year since Marj started the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, and from the look of this month's carnival, hosting over on her blog, this may be the best one yet! She's got 30 posts linked in this edition, so there's plenty to read, and talk about. Please, take a look, and visit all the contributors.

While you're there, be sure to thank Marj for starting the carnival, and for all the work she puts in as well!

Collection of Survivors

i got an email today from Ani Star from My Dissonance letting me know that I had been added to her collection of survivor blogs. Naturally, I had to go take a look at her collection, and wow, it looks like quite a list of survivors! I'm going to be busy checking out some new (to me) blogs.

Child safety online

The fine folks over at Friends in Tech, a group that includes your's truly, have updated the on-line child safety flier. Go get yourself a copy, and feel free to print it and hand it out to any parents who could use the information.

Check out the links in it as well. There's a lot of really good information on keeping kids safe on-line as well as off.

We get mail

Actually I got an email from Andy, with a couple of links:

 

I thought I'd pass on these observations I've found for you to consider, ponder and maybe even comment on.

The first is from Alice Miller, and comes from her website:

http://www.alice-miller.com/flyers_en.php?page=3 (the 12 points)

The second is from a search of wikipedia for the psychology of torture:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychology_of_torture specifically this quote:

"It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering." Judith Herman

Thanks, Andy. As far as my thoughts, the first link, to Alice Miller's "the Roots of Violence", I'm not sure I completely agree with. She paints a very utopian picture at the end of a world in which all violence is utterly unthinkable because all children have had a good upbringing. Not only does the realist in me think that's ridiculous, but I also think it's a very dangerous way to think. Blaming all of the world's violence on poor childhoods provides too easy an excuse for people to not take responsibility for their own actions. If I were to do something violent, it would be because I chose to do that, as an adult, right now. It would not be because somewhere in my childhood that's how I learned to act, nor should anyone allow me to use that as an excuse.

Besides, I really do think that there is some violence that is inherent in the human condition and always will be, even with the best of childhoods. Children are not the completely innocent angels of Alice Miller's world, only corrupted by the discipline of their parents, they are fallible and prone to selfishness, just as adults are.

The second link is an interesting area of research, and I think the quote is also an interesting one. It is always easier to not know something than it is to acknowledge it and thus have to do something about it.

Interestingly enough, I think that tendency is also human nature, but a nature that can be overcome if we choose to.

On-line predators

I found this post about the statistics of on-line predators compared to the level of panic about on-line predators quite interesting. I've been aware for a number of years that focused media attention on any issue can greatly impact how people act, regardless of what the actual risk might be. How many people won't travel overseas or do other things despite the fact that millions of people do it safely every single day, because of the impression they get of how dangerous it is? This is pretty similar.

It seems like the area of protecting children is especially susceptible to this sort of behavior. Naturally, most parents feel the need to do everything they can to protect their children, and that's an instinct we really don't want them to lose, for sure. But, it can be very easy to see the media stories about on-line predators, or registered sex offenders and conclude that your kids will be safe simply by moving to a neighborhood that doesn't have any registered sex offenders in it, and keeping your kids off the Internet. The truth, however, is that you've actually done very little to protect your kids by doing those two things, because you've eliminated only two very small risks.

The truth is that, no matter how much you might try, you can never eliminate all the risks that your kids face. At some point they have to go outside your house, to school, to a playground, to the store, and they are at some risk then.

I've always been an advocate of teaching your kids to deal with risks as opposed to trying to hide them from all the risks. Let's face it, many of you reading this were abused, and many of you were abused long before there was any such thing as the Internet, let alone on-line predators, and many of you were abused by people who had never been charged with a sex crime, heck many of you were abused by members of your own family. What would have served you better growing up, having your parents move you to a "safe" neighborhood and keeping you away from strange adults, or teaching you about predators, how to handle them, who to tell, etc.? I know which one would have done me more good.

Carnival Against Child Abuse

The 7th Edition is up over at Sadly Normal. As always it looks like there's quite a lot of reading material over there. Since we're traveling to visit family I'm going to have to just look forward to reading it when I'm back home.

Hope you all have a great holiday!

Next Edition of Carnival Against Child Abuse

Lisa from Sadly Normal will be hosting this months edition of the Carnival Against Child Abuse. She's got some great suggested topics listed for the last edition of the year, as well as an offer to host your writings if you don't have your own blog.

Her topics have got me thinking a bit. Hopefully, I'll have some further thoughts to contribute to the carnival in the form of blog posts about those thoughts in the next few days.

End of year donation

Sorry I've been out of touch, life's been a bit of a whirlwind thanks to getting sick, and then having a death in my wife's family. Many things, let alone blogging, have had to be pushed aside due to those circumstances, but I did want to make a note.

Normally this time of year I talk a bit about what charitable donations I am going to make for year. Normally there's a donation to a child abuse prevention charity, it's been the local children's hospital for example, but I think, in light of recent events, my charity donation is going to begin with something different this year.

You see, the death in my wife's family was her great-grandmother. A woman with many fine traits, a woman my wife has looked up to with the utmost respect, and who has been a source of inspiration to my wife since she was a little girl. Unfortunately, she is also a woman I never knew. For while I've known Angela for almost 7 years, and we've been married for 5, and I've met her great -grandmother many times, she has suffered from Alzheimer's for all that time. She wasn't the woman my wife told stories about, our spoke so highly of, she was a shell of that woman, and as the years went on, she became less and less of that woman. Her Alzheimer's took her away long before her life ended, it deprived all of us from sharing these last years with her, in my case it deprived me of ever getting to know one of my wife's heroes. That was my loss, I have no doubt. From what I've been told of her, I can see her spirit living in my wife, and will continue to do so for many years, I hope, but I never got to see the source of that spirit, even though she was right there physically for all these years. That's a shame, and it's something I hope you never have to know.

I've known it in my own family, and now I've known it in my wife's family. I've watched as my own relatives became distant shadows of themselves, and I've missed out on the opportunity to know a great lady because of Alzheimer's, I want to try and do something to help make sure others don't. I believe Angela and I will be making a donation to the Alzheimer's Association, in memory of her great-grandmother this year.

Blog Carnival

The Fifth Edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is up over at Survivors can Thrive today. Once again it looks like there quite a bit of good writing going on, as usual.

Next month's edition will be hosted right here, so start thinking about submissions!

Leveraging Technology

As I'm sure you all know, I'm very interested in the idea of leveraging technology when it comes to spreading the word about child abuse, whether that be by getting the facts out in the open, or making sure that survivors know they are not alone. That's why I have this site. That's also why when I was listening to an episode of a tech podcast called Valid Syntax the other day, and heard Kreg mention a show called Missingalert.com that I jotted down a note to take a look at that. Well, tonight I finally did that, and found a very interesting idea. Using all sorts of new technology, including a PC-Desktop alerter, website modules, audio and video podcasts, to spread the word about missing children. As you know, you never know who is going to come in contact with a missing or abducted child. The more people are aware that someone's missing, the more likely those random chance sightings can turn into a child being home. I like the idea of trying to leverage new technologies to make that happen. (Obviously, I have the amber alert bar at the top of this site, so it's something I support. I may just have to look at adding this, or at least grabbing the video podcast.

National Depression Screening Day

I saw this morning over at Pysch Central that Thursday, Oct. 5th is National Depression Screening Day.

Follow the link and read more about it, and find out who should seriously consider being screened, whether on-line or in person.

As a personal note, this is incredibly important. Depression is a serious problem, it can be debilitating, and even deadly if not treated, but with a proper screening, you can get help before it reaches that point. If you suspect that you, or someone you know, may be suffering from depression, please take advantage of this time to seek out help.

Going out tomorrow?

If you're in the US, and planning on eating out tomorrow, how about eating at Chilis? They are donating 100% of their profits on Sept. 25th to Saint Jude's Children's Research Hospital, one of the leading childhood cancer centers in the world.

Thanks to Kevin for the pointer.

Neil Ahern on Internet Radio

I saw this post over at Neil's blog, he's going to be interviewed about life as a male victim of sexual abuse next Weds. on the Darkness to Light radio show. I'll be working when the show airs live, but I will be sure to give it a listen from the site shortly afterwards. Obviously, I do have some interest in the topic, and it's not often you see the topic of sexual abuse specifically of males being addressed, so I'm glad for that, if nothing else!

Addition to laws go too far

Apparently, Megan's Law wasn't bad enough. Now my home state of Ohio is pushing ahead a law that would allow prosecutors, or even the alleged victims, petition a judge to have someone listed in the public sexual offenders registry even if they aren't found guilty! According to the Toldeo Blade:

A recently enacted law allows county prosecutors, the state attorney general, or, as a last resort, alleged victims to ask judges to civilly declare someone to be a sex offender even when there has been no criminal verdict or successful lawsuit.

The rules spell out how the untried process would work. It would largely treat a person placed on the civil registry the same way a convicted sex offender is treated under Ohio's so-called Megan's Law.

The person's name, address, and photograph would be placed on a new Internet database and the person would be subjected to the same registration and community notification requirements and restrictions on where he could live.

Apparently, we now live in a society that is perfectly willing to throw away a tried and true concept like "innocent until proven guilty" because it gives the appearance of "protecting the children", without actually protecting anyone.

Even as a survivor of childhood abuse, this law idea sickens me.

Sharing secrets

Marj, from the Survivors Can Thrive blog, left a comment and let me know about a new project she has started called Silence the Shame, which she describes as a secret-sharing space. I think it's an interesting idea, creating a place for anyone to share their secrets and get support. Check it out for yourself.

Megan's Law is bad law

As if these sorts of stories weren't completely predictable, it seems that yet again someone listed on an offender registry has been the victim of vigilante justice in Sacramento.

Years ago, when every child protection agency in the country was pushing for these laws I though they were a bad idea, and I still do. The net effect of laws like this are two-fold, one we see right in this story. People listed in the registry, for whatever reason, are going to be the victims of violent crimes. The second, is that a whole generation of parents and politicians are going to convince themselves that they know where are the dangers for their kids are, because they're in the database, and they can pressue these people to leave their neighborhoods, to even further protect their children. Nice thought, but completely not the reality of child abuse. Most abuse is suffered at the hands of family, relatives and friends with access to a child, not released offenders committing another crime.

Megan's Law has been in effect for years now, and the on-line offender registries have been available for awhile as well. If it's as effective as proponents said it would be, shouldn't we see a corresponding decline in the number of child sexual abuse cases being reported? Do we?

Carnival Against Child Abuse for August

The third version of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is up. I wasn't able to get anything submitted this month, too busy really, but it does appear that there are plenty of good posts to read!

Tags: CarnivalAginstChildAbuse

Child Safety Online

Over at the Friends in tech blog, George was kind enough to create a parent education flier, pointing out some of the various resources where parents can learn more about keeping kids safe on-line. There's a nice downloadable PDF, suitable for printing and sharing with parents or other groups working to help kids learn to use this vast resource we call the Internet, safely.

Carnival Against Child Abuse

The second edition is up! Looks like there is plenty of good reading material in there. Hopefully, I'll have time to poke around in it soon!

Private Hells

I saw this post at Robert Scoble's today, where he talks about the private struggles of people's lives. Lives that you might be tempted to assume are quite perfect, but which really aren't. It reminded me very much of why this blog exists. I spent so many years feeling like I was the only person struggling with issues surrounding child abuse, and so many years becoming an absolute expert at hiding those issues from everyone around me. All that time, I could have been talking to other survivors, or getting help identifying and resolving some of those issues, but I wasn't.

Who knows, maybe if I had talked to people, or recognized that there were others going through similar struggles and emotions, I wouldn't have had the depression and mental breakdown that found me at rock bottom. Maybe I would have found mental health and contentment, not to mention the happiness I can celebrate today, on my 38th birthday, sooner if I had the support and information I have now? Maybe, but that's all water under the bridge for me. I'm betting there are plenty of people in your life who aren't in the same position I am, they are still struggling with their own private hells, hiding their struggles from everyone around them. I hope they can find the support they need, somehow.

Blog Carnival

The first ever carnival against child abuse is up today. Looks like quite a few interesting entries. I haven't had time to peruse them yet, but I definitely will be later this evening. Go check them out!

If you're in Boston

I got an email from Lindsay with Zingerplatz Pictures about a screening of Hand Of God a film by Joe Cultrera. In his own words:

The film centers on my brother's abuse by a Catholic priest (Joseph Birmingham) in 1964, back in our hometown of Salem. The film goes on to tell the story of various interactions between my family and the Boston Archdiocese - culminating in the closing of my parent’s church. It is not a depressing treatment of this issue – my brother’s humor and intellect cuts through it all and ultimately it is a film about personal triumph over a corporation.

One of the many things that make this film different than other media treatments of this issue is that it is told brother to brother, from the inside. The film details our Catholic upbringing; his abuse; what it was like for him to spend 30 years in silence; how he eventually came to action and how his own investigation unraveled various obstructions and lies by the Boston hierarchy (years before this material hit the headlines). It is also constructed in a rather non-traditional documentary style.

Sounds like it might be worth a trip. You can see the schedule of screenings on the site. If you do see it, please leave a comment and let us know how you felt about it!

Do a Paddy Brown today..

I saw this at Scoble's today and I definitely plan on using Paddy as an inspiration and reminder to do my best to impact people in a positive way.

Olympics

I saw this post a couple of days ago and made a mental note to point to it. Then, as has been the case too often lately, I got busy and forgot. I'm trying to make up for that now. It's a post with links to news stories about Chris Witty, Olympic SpeedSkater, US flagholder for this year's Games, a three-time medalist and a surivor of childhood sexual abuse.

I was especially struck by her desire to talk about what happened to her in order to help other kids and survivors feel free to share their own stories and raise awareness of the issues surrounding abuse; depression, low self-esteem, etc. As you know, anything that helps survivors feel less alone is very close to my heart, and I commend Chris for taking this public stance!

ESBN 64491-060216-562050-35

More good information

Saw another nice bit of helpful information over at the Occupational Adventure blog today. Curt lnks to an article, ten tips to build belief in yourself and offers his own, condensed list. (That makes for easy printing to use as a reminder to yourself.)

I can attest that I've done some of things on this list, and taken steps to improve in many of these areas and I have seen the results in my own life. Surrounding yourself with people who believe in you, and spending time making postive contributions by helping people can't help but make you feel better about yourself and what you have to offer. Isn't it time we survivors started to trade in those images of ourselves that we have held onto for something more positive, and healthy?

Blogging as therapy

Saw a pointer today from the World of Psychology blog to an article entitled Cyber-Catharsis: Bloggers Use Web Sites as Therapy

Go ahead, read the article, then come back and read my thoughts....

Much of this article rang true for me. When I first started writing on-line about being abused, and suffering from depression, even though it wasn't really "blogging" at the time, it was very much about wanting to both express what was going on, and communicate with other people who might be in the same boat. I've said many times that if this site does nothing else, at the very least I want people who come here to know that they are not alone. They are not the only person in the world dealing with abuse, depression, etc. When I first reached out on-line, I thought I was alone. Finding out that I wasn't was an early, but important, step in surviving. I couldn't have come as far as I have without finding my voice then hearing the voices of other survivors.

On the other hand, you do have to be aware of the consequences of writing on-line. As much as I share in various forums about my life, there are some things you will never read. Everything I put on-line is something that I'm comfortable with anyone knowing about me. I don't shy away from the fact that I was abused in real life, so it won't bother me if someone sees this site and identifies it as mine. (I don't go around with an "I was abused" sign around my neck, but I'm not afraid to admit it if it comes up in conversation) Before you decide to write on-line, you need to make a similar evaluation about what you want to share, how you want to share it, and whether you want to share it anonymously or not.

Either way, I hope that you find your voice and your own survivor community somewhere.

Depression screening

Reading through the blogs today I saw a post about Thursday, Oct. 6 being National Depression Screening Day.

Much like that post talks about, it's never a bad idea to get a free depression screening. Trust me, if you're thinking that you might be a little depressed, find out, get the correct treatment, medication, therapy, both, etc. and get a handle on this illness before it gets worse. Don't let it take more of your life than it already has.

Another male survivor comes forward

Anyone who knows me knows that I have had the utmost respect for Sheldon Kennedy, a former NHL hockey player, for not only coming out and talking about the sexual abuse he survived at the hands of a youth hockey coach, but also helping put the coach in jail and all if the programs he has helped kick off for abused children in Canada.

I've admired not just the fact that he came forward, but that he came forward while he was part of the uber-macho world of professional athletes.

Given that, I have to confess my level of respect for Jet's Wide Receiver Laveranues Coles went up a few notches when he went public with his own story of being a survivor.

I think this quote says it all about why it's important, especially for male survivors, to share their stories:

"Coming up, I always felt like I was the only one that ever happened to. Then, when I started going to different sessions, they let me know that it happens to a lot more people."

Call for contributors

I got an email yesterday and with Dyana's permission I'm reproducing it here for all my readers to see and respond to, if they so choose! You can respond directly to Dyana at dyperkins@nospam.yahoo.com. (Take out the nospam part, I'm trying to limit the number of email harvesters who pick up the address from this post.)

Dear Mike,

Dyana

A little reading

I got an email last week from Robert Eggleton, about a novel he has written, Rarity from the Hollow:

[quote]Lacy Dawn, the protagonist, is a victim of child abuse from an impoverished hollow of a rural state who overcomes by empowering others and ends up saving the universe. She is a composite character based on children I met when I was a Therapist in a mental health program. A percentage of any profits will be donated to prevent child abuse in West Virginia.[/quote]

Sounds like an interesting novel. I'll have to keep an eye out down at the library for it, or just order it if not. It should be available from the publisher

If you happen to read it, let me know what you think of it!

Conversion Disorder

I was just listening to the latest In The Trenches podcast. It's normally a techie podcast but today Kevin had a nice interview with David Newberger, who spent quite a bit of time dealing with health issues that the doctor's couldn't diagnose. Turns out he was suffering from Conversion Disorder, which is where he developed physical symptoms as the result of unrecognized stress in his life.

Having spent plenty of time learning about how stress affects my own brain chemistry and finding out about healthy ways to deal with stress so as to avoid slipping back into major depression, I was quite interested in the subject. I know that the defense mechanisms I developed as an abused child, in order to survive that stress, led to major problems later in life when I wasn't capable of dealing with stress normally. I had simply never learned how and not dealing with stress can cause an amazing number of problems.

David's inability to recognize stress and deal with it probably didn't result from his childhood like mine did, but it's still a very good example of what stress can do to you, and why it's so important not only to find ways to deal with your own stress, but to help other people deal with theirs.

Rest in Peace...

Some of you may have followed the link to Brian Buck's website over the time I had him listed on the blogroll, and read about his struggle with cancer. I saw today over at Dave Slusher's that Brian has lost his long battle with cancer. Now that the battle is over, I hope he has the peace he deserves. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family at this time.

Cancer Club

Curt Rosengren points to his recent article about Christine Clifford, a cancer survivor who left her job to start a company called The Cancer Club, where she sells humor to those who need it most. Her story is most definitely worth reading.

Addicted to blogging?

Here's an interesting look at the possibility that blogging is causing problems for people and taking away from people being able to live their lives offline.

I can easily see where that could happen, but I think I suffer from the opposite effect, when I'm not out living my life, I've got nothing to blog about! (See the lack of posts here when I was down with the flu last week..)

Let's hope that all of us are finding the positive benefits to connecting with other survivors without crossing this line into being obsessed with our blogs, eh?

Site for Jewish survivors

Leah pointed to an interesting blog that is all about Jewish survivors of sexual violence. While I'm not Jewish, I'll be reading it and keeping an eye out for common issues that affect all survivors. :)

I'll have more to say later, it's been a crazy-busy couple of weeks but things should get a little closer to normal soon!

Lucky

There's nothing like a disaster happening over the holiday weekend to remind us not to take anything for granted. We are not guaranteed anything in this life, and we should cherish each day for what it is, and consider ourselves lucky to have had the chance to live it.

I know, even through all the horrible things I've seen, that I'm very lucky. I survived them, and had the chance to build a life that makes me very happy through the ensuing years. Not everyone gets that chance. I don't ever intend to take it for granted.

Witch hunts

On Halloween night, naturally, we were watching a documentary about the Salem witch trials. It was very interesting, and as part of the show, they did interviews with some historians and had them discuss some of the background around why there was so much anger towards certain people and what role that played in them being accused of witchcraft, etc. One of them mentioned that we probably all hear about that and think that certainly we'd never do anything like that today. Surely we would see through it and never have it come to this.

I disagree.

I think today we do have our own witch hunts. We just don't hang people for them anymore. Certainly a charge of child abuse is on equal footing to being accused of witchcraft in 1692 Salem. I've seen plenty of cases of false child abuse claims being made as part of custody battles, or just vengeful relatives and neighbors. Trying to clear your name once you've been accused of child abuse, or rape, falsely is an incredibly difficult thing to do, and even if you clear it legally, the suspicion never goes away.

The sad thing is, this hurts real victims. Real child abusers should be punished, and should have their lives ruined, because they have certainly damaged the lives of children. But the more often false charges are levied, the less likely real victims are to be taken seriously, and the less likely they are to come forward in the first place.

The other thing that reminds me of a witch hunt is current day politics. It's not enough anymore to simply have different ideas, or disagree about policy. Now, if you believe differently than I do, you're evil, stupid, or both. If you even think about voting Republican, you're in league with Hitler, and if you even think about voting Democrat, well you're un-American, a communist, etc. People aren't hung for their political leanings, but they sure are shunned by people on the opposite side of the fence as if they were witches. They are hated with as much venom as the so-called witches of Salem.

Seems to me that we haven't grown at all. The only real difference between 21st century America as a whole and 17th century Salem is that we dislike the mess that comes with hangings, so we try our witches in the court of public opinion, and hang them in name only, for now.

Special occasions

Curt Rosengren posted today about making everyday a special occasion. He offered up this story by Ann Wells of the LA Times. It's an attitude that, as hard as it is some days, is important to live by. None of us know how long we will be here, or how long our loved ones will be here. We should treat every day we get to spend with them as the most special of occasions.

Quote for today

Thanks to a post on NetBloke, I found this quote from Christopher Morley:

There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way.

For survivors you could rephrase that, but the idea is simple. Success in life is finding the freedom to make your own choices. Once you've done that it doesn't matter what you do as much as it matters that you are the one choosing to do it.

The next couple of days

I'll be keeping an eye on the news about Ivan, and hoping for the best.

Courage

I've been meaning to blog this since we saw The Village a couple of weeks ago, but I keep forgetting! So here it goes.

There's a scene in the movie where Ivy asks Lucius why he isn't afraid like everyone else in the village. I thought his answer was one of the better definitions of quiet courage that I've heard from a movie. He says simply that he "thinks only of what needs to be done." No macho BS, no bragging, just doing what needs to be done, no matter what else might be going on. There's a personal characteristic to emulate.

Flood of memories reading the news

Former Mets broadcaster Murphy passes away.

Wow, reading this brought back a lot of memories. I grew up in NY, and even though I was a Dodger fan, I held a little place in my heart for the hometown Mets, and Lord knows we watched a ton of baseball games back in those days! It was pre-ESPN, pre-cable for my family, in fact. Bob, Ralph and Lindsey called just about every game on WOR, channel 9. I first learned how to keep score of a ballgame watching those broadcasts, and even though the Mets were terrible in those mid-to-late 70's seasons, they had a certain charm that kept us coming back. Hearing Bob give the "happy recap" when they did actually win, and tell us all about the heroics of Lee Mazzilli, Pat Zachary, John Stearns, Doug Flynn, Joel Youngblood, Bob Swan, Jerry Koosman, etc. meant something in those days. I'm sorry to hear of his passing, it's yet another sign that those days of being a kid keep getting further and further in the past.

Then again, maybe I should be glad that I do have some fond memories of childhood. A lot of folks don't even have that...

Why don't we know this already?

Study finds dads' drug use harmful to kids.

Did we need to fund a study to figure this out? Isn't it pretty common sense to say that if the father in a household is doing drugs it's not going to be the best of environments for kids to grow up in? And why do we care if it's worse than alcoholic fathers? It's not like kids with alcoholic dads are living the dream childhood either!

One more thing, if there were 80 kids growing up with either alcoholic or drug addicted fathers in this study, why didn't we spend that funding helping these people instead of studying them? Might it have not been more effective to help the fathers kick their dependancy, thereby helping the kids have a chance at a better childhood than it does to let the fathers do their thing so you can study the effects?

Or maybe I'm just being surly today. :)

High School students learn about child abuse

I ran across this article today, about a high school in Minnesota and how they have, for several years now, assigned students a senior research project on child abuse.

I think this is great, and I think that the more people we can get talking, thinking, acknowledging and listening to survivors, the more tools we have to combat the problem with. It's about time people got comfortable with the idea that child abuse happens, it happens everywhere, across all social strata, among every group. And it's time that all survivors could feel free to have a voice.

Prisoners

Is any one else troubled by the idea that what happened in the Iraqi prisons is, rightfully, condemned far and wide as a human right's abuse, while prison rape in our country is widespread and completely accepted, even joked about?

Bold move

One of the survivor sites I try and follow when I have the time is Disproportionately Disillusioned. Yesterday, she official gave notice that she will not be updating that site, but will be merging the anonoymous site with her other, public site. As she says:

This will be my final post on Disproportionately Disillusioned. In the past weeks I have struggled with coming to grips with this decison, my lack of posting is because of the indecisiveness and also because I haven't the stamina nor thoughts to keep up with two journals and I have in the end decided I am not going to hide these issues any longer - my past is what makes me who I am, it is all a very real part of me and to hide my thoughts away is like hiding a piece of me.

If you care to follow with me - I would be happy to have you do so. I have made some wonderful acquaintances via this site and I intend to move the links to my other online journal. I'm no longer afraid to let you know who I am... I am Illusive Life.

I applaud her. It takes a brave soul to be willing to be known, publicly, as a survivor. Not everyone can do it. Not everyone probably should do it, but it certainly strengthens what we're trying to do when people are willing.

Reporting child abuse

http://www.newarkadvocate.com/news/stories/20040316/opinion/89561.html

"a 7-year-old girl was found dead in a well in one of the state's most gruesome crimes ever.

One neighbor told a reporter he often saw the suspect yelling at the girl and spanking her -- sometimes with her pants and underwear pulled down. He said he thought about calling authorities but decided against it because he didn't want to cause trouble for the family,"

And now he has to live with this for the rest of his life. Remember that the next time you "don't want to make trouble". Read the whole article..

Rape culture?

Lauren has some interesting ideas about what its going to take to stop rape and sexual violence. I'm not saying I agree with everything she says here, (I would argue for a more individual responsibility approach, but I also understand that not stigmatizing rapists and abusers does enable them to continue.) but it's all worth thinking and talking about. Plus she's got links, links and more links to information that I'll be looking at over the weekend!

As a male who was a victim of childhood sexual assault, I can't condone any man who assaults a woman or another man, but I sure know plenty of people do.

Clergy abuse victim

One of the more prominent victims of sexual abuse by a priest, Patrick McSorley, has apparently killed himself this week.

I think the best summary of this situation is what Andrew Sullivan had to say about it, "some scars never heal". No, some never do, you either learn to live with them, or they kill you. Unfortunately for Patrick, the scars got the best of him.

Washington, DC

We spent the three day weekend in Washington DC. It was a nice getaway for us, a chance to explore the city, the museums, the memorials, etc. We took a bunch of pictures, I'm sure we'll have some online later this week or so.

One thing we didn't take any pictures of was the Holocaust Memorial Museum. There are rules against taking pictures in most of the permanent exhibits, but even in the parts where they are allowed, like the Hall of Remembrance, I didn't want to take any. There was no way a picture of that hall, or of the eternal flame buring there, could capture the feeling and attitude that going all the way through the exhibit and then coming out there gives you. We each lit a candle, quietly walked by the flame, read the inscriptions and walked out. If you want to see what the hall looks like, go through the exhibit yourself, and then see it for all it really is.

Overcoming Fears

Both of these articles that I found over at the Occupational Adventure Blog revolve around overcoming your fears in career pursuits, but I think some of these same ideas apply to overcoming fears in every area of our lives:

How Overcoming your Fear can Boost your Career

Fear Factor

It's important, I think, to recognize your fears, and recognize that sometimes the fears are well founded and may stop you from making big mistakes. On the other hand, at 35 years of age, I can look back at plenty of opportunities that I passed on in my life because I lacked self confidence and allowed my irrational fears to get the better of me. Sometimes it's really good for me to sit down and look at things from a very logical, "what's the worst that can happen?" point of view. Most times I find that what I'm afraid of isn't really worth all that fear.

Life's like that, isn't it?

Reading through the blogroll over lunch today I discovered two very important events that had taken place this week. I learned that Farid and George had won a business plan contest, gaining $10,000 to help startup their restaurant. And then, as I continued reading I learned that Andrea passed away from the cancer that she has been battling.

This is life. It's up, it's down. It's pain and suffering, and it's also love, joy and happiness. Farid has seen some of the worst life has to offer, and now he is enjoying something wonderful, while Andrea is no longer suffering the pain of disease, yet the same disease had allowed her to become a beloved hero to many by sharing her strength and compassion with fellow patients.

Life's like that. I want to go home and hug my wife....

Reminder

If you read here regularly, you probably know that I'm a big hockey fan. It's easily my favoite sport, and I follow it pretty closely. Needless to say, I've been following the story of Dan Snyder this past week, and unfortunately, the story has an even sadder ending, as he died from his injuries yesterday.

In addition to the feelings I have for his family and his teammates, I can't help but think about what a powerful reminder this is about the fragility of life. One day you are headed home in your teammate's new Ferrari and he's racing down the street, enjoying the night, looking forward to the beginning of the season, and the next it's all gone.

I guess the lesson to be learned is not only to be more careful, but to enjoy what life has to offer today, for tomorrow is not guaranteed to any of us.

Recommendation

If you ever get the chance to sit by a quiet lake, at sunset and just watch the fish, ducks, and a turtle swim around, while listening to the sounds of the water and the crickets, I highly recommend it! It's a great way to clear your mind and simply let the world be for a little while.

9-11

I hadn't really planned on writing anything special about today. In fact, the original plan was to go home after work and be with my wife, thereby enjoying all the good things life has to offer. I figured that was probably the most fitting way to remember. But that plan will have to wait as Angela won't be home tonight. :)

Seeing as how my wife will be flying out of town this evening, I don't think I'll really be marking the occasion at all. It's not that I don't remember, I just don't need an anniversary to remind me. I spent 16 years of my life seeing the WTC from my backyard, any picture of the New York skyline reminds me, no matter what day it is.

It's also not that I'm worried about Angela flying today. I think she's as safe as she would be any other day, maybe more so.

It's just that life has gone on. I'll be consumed with the business of living, and I think that's exactly what those who are no longer with us would want us to do.

Sadness

Saw this morning that Doc Searls' mother had passed away yesterday. I think Doc's words about it are a fitting tribute to a woman who lived a full life and left an impact on many lives. I think the words from this post by Sandee about her friend passing away from cancer sum up exactly what I'm feeling today as I read about these things:

"It was actually calming seeing her there so beautiful & peaceful, made me realize even more that I should live each day as it were my last."

My thoughts are with both of them today..

Pics telling the stories

Doc Searls has spent the last few days with his mother in the hospital. While he was back in North Carolina he also went through and found old photographs from his parents place and scanned them into his laptop. You can see the galleries he's starting to put together that chronicle his mother's life here. This really reminds me how much taking photos now and chronicling the places we go and the things we do can have impact well beyond the enjoyment we get out of them ourselves. Years from now, these same pictures will tell their own stories to anyone who sees them, and our websites will do the same for the next generation.

Stamp out Hunger

Don't forget, tomorrow is Stamp-out Hunger day here in the US. If you leave out non-perishable food items, the local letter carrier in more than 10,000 cities and towns will collect them for your local food banks. Read the link for more info.

Iraqi Humanitarian Aid

From a mention on OxBlog I found links to humanitarian relief efforts for Iraqis from the Red Cross and UNICEF.

We watched them celebrate their new freedom from Saddam's oppression yesterday, and now these organizations are going to be part of a huge effort to rebuild the country and help it's people. That's a pretty good cause.

Civilian Support

Regardless of which side of the going to war fence you are on, I hope you can at least agree that the families of the servicemen and women who are currently deployed in the Middle East deserve our support at this time. In that vein, Natalie is setting up Operation Civilian Support to:

- Accept donations to purchase "care package" items for the families - a lot of these people have lost their sole breadwinner and everything that is donated to them is one less thing they'll have to purchase.

- Accept donations to purchase small gifts for the children of our troops - to try to perk them up in some small way.

- Accept notes of encouragement and well-wishes for the family.

- Connect family members with willing pen-pals - if you have a child perhaps s/he would like to keep in contact with the child of a service member? Or you could offer yourself as a sympathetic ear to the spouse the service member left behind?

An excellent idea that I'm proud to promote.

In a panic

All the news programs are filled up with stories of scared people buying all of the local stock of duct tape and plastic sheeting, and generally being frightened by everything they see on TV or read online. It's a scary time to be alive in America, there's no doubt about that, but let's be realistic here.

There is nothing that causes fear and panic more effectively than being out of control, and you are out of control of this situation. You don't know where and when the next terrorist attack is going to be, or if there will even be one. All the duct tape in the world isn't going to change that. The only thing you control is your response to the situation. You can panic and spend every minute of every day worrying about all of your preparations, or you can enjoy every day you have, knowing full well that you are going to die someday, whether it be by terrorist attack, or heart disease, or cancer, or car accident, or shooting, or any number of things!

You have a choice, you can spend whatever number of days you have left trying to avoid the inevitable, or you can enjoy each and every one of them as something special. Do yourself a favor, turn off the TV news and do something that you enjoy.

Barret Robbins

I've been following the story of Barrett Robbins since he was dismissed by the Raiders before the Super Bowl. It appears that he has a history of depression and Bi-poloar Disorder, and somehow had managed to stop taking his medication. The details of the whole thing are murky, (like the details of anyone's life when dealing with BPD would be!) but I would be very disappointed if the Raiders or anyone esle knew he had stopped taking his medication and didn't say or do anything about it. I hope he can get back on his meds and back to his life.

Update

It seems that the young girl I talked about in the last post has returned home safely.

As Steven says:

"Now she, her family and friends start the real work of trying to put their relationships back together."

Best of luck to them!

Kids in trouble

These sorts of things always break my heart. First this morning I learned that a good online friend of mine's seven month old son, Jayden, has viral meningitis. That's not as bad as the bacterial strain but it's troubling just the same for a seven-month old to have to deal with. Secondly is the 12 year old who's run away from home. Steven and others in the blog world are trying to use some tech to track down her whereabouts through AIM communications. If you're the religious type please give up a prayer for a couple of kids. (Or if not, at least save a thought for them at some point in your day..)

By the way, Jayden's father needs to blog. They have twin seven month old boys and another on the way this summer. That's alot of blog material!

Update: The doctors are telling his parents that Jayden is going to be ok. He's still in for some time at the hospital and a somewhat lengthy recovery but he did smile at his parents today, and appears to be improving!!

Ohio State

By now you've heard all about the riots that followed Ohio State's victory over Michigan, but what you may not know is how common this sort of thing has become. This got greater media coverage because the game was for a spot in the Fiesta Bowl National Championship game so ESPN,CNN etc. were all in town for it. But the rioting has gone on for the last few years, not just after the Michigan game. That's only one of the "stay away from campus" weekends in Columbus. There are others, and the city, university and police seem completely unable to stop it from happening again and again.

The sad thing is, someday it's going to be worse. Someday someone is going to die in the rioting. It's only a matter of time when you consider tipping over cars and setting them on fire, or setting fire to couches, chairs, dumpsters, etc. to be a perfectly good way to spend a Saturday night before something tragic happens and people die. For what? Because a bunch of college kids were too dumb and too drunk to know any better?

I hope that this recent spate of national media coverage is embarrasing enough to school and city officials that they consider doing something useful to stop this sort of thing before someone does get killed. Putting and end to alcohol sales at the stadium and at all of the pre and post-game festivities around the staduim would be a start. Making arrests for public drunkeness and underage drinking on sight would be another. (I enjoy a beer as much as the next guy, but obviously OSU cannot control underage and out of control drinking so it's time to just end it completely.)

I'd think about calling out the National Guard in the campus area for those weekends but, as Angela pointed out to me last night, I didn't live in Ohio during the Kent State tragedy. Some people in Ohio are still a little sensitive about having the Guard on college campuses.

It might seem drastic and harsh but this has gotten to be ridiculous. People shouldn't have to be afraid for their lives after watching an OSU game or just going out on High Street on a Saturday night, but they are. That's wrong.

It's over

Yeah ok so some people are obviously unhappy about the election results, but hey, at least we can all just be happy that the whole freakin' think is over! The complete inundation of our senses with all things election related has come to an end and now we can all go back to simply living our lives, regardless of who was elected. They can't take that away from you!

Sept. 11

Just a response to Brian Kane's post:

I don't know that I can add anything more to the din, or that I want to. Still, it's not right to ignore it and go along blithely as though Wednesday were an ordinary day. I also think it's a little bit disingenuous and quite a bit overdramatic for me to post some emotionally-overwraught poem or haunting image, or even "a moment of silence".

I completely disagree. It is ok to go along and keep your thoughts, your feelings, your choice of how you remember the day, private. This day is not about me, my thoughts, my feelings, my words have no place in it. I fear that this "remembrance" is just going to be yet another excuse for people to make this tragedy about themselves rather than the people who died and the people who killed them. Believe me, there were plenty of people doing exactly that on Sept. 11, 2001 and there will be plenty of people doing it again come Wednesday. I refuse to add to it, just as I refused to add to it then. You see, while there were plenty of people publicly worrying about how this might affect them in the future, I was quietly watching the news come over the internet in my office, alone. I was silently hoping and praying that my aunt, who worked in the WTC complex, was ok. (Turns out she had not arrived at work yet and was fine) I didn't run around crying or publicly displaying my fears, because this wasn't about me. There were hundreds, probably even thousands of people fighting for their very lives right at that moment, while I was perfectly safe. There was no reason for anyone outside of my wife to spend even a second thinking about me on that day, because no matter what happened to my aunt, I was going to be ok.You should have spent that energy thinking about the people dying, and the people trying to save them.

This year, I hope to do the same, spend some of my own thoughts on the people who died, and their families, and on the anger we should all feel because of what happened. I won't be spending any time watching news reports, or writing about my feelings, or writing long recaps of how I spent that day, because none of that matters at all. I will go to work, and live my life because in the end, most of those who died, died doing their jobs. Especially the fire and police folks. They would want us to remember them by doing ours.

Cherish the moments..

I've been thinking a lot about this idea, ever since I first heard about Darryl Kile's death. Darryl apparently died of heart disease. He was 5 months younger than I am. You just don't think about people 33-34-35 years old dying suddenly because of heart failure, but it does happen. For me, being right there in that age range, it's a pretty good reminder that there are no guarantees in life. You don't know when you're going to die, or how, only that you will, someday. You might as well cherish each day you have and not take any of them for granted. There's good things to be had in life, but you can't spend all of your life waiting for them, sometimes you've got to take some initiative and try to get the most out of life that you can.

Living online

It seems like there's a whole lot of people blogging now days. Some do it for obvious reasons, wanting a journalistic outlet for their writing, wanting to share technical information, wanting to try and persuade others on political issues, wanting to share sites they find useful, or they just want to share their life in some way with other's who may be out there reading. This blog, obviously falls into that category, I want to share the success and failures I have in overcoming depression and abuse in order to help others. You may find that to be a noble cause, or you may find it to be utterly ridiculous. You're free to have an opinion about it, as I am in having an opinion about whatever you may write online, if you choose to.

Now the thing about your opinion of this, or my opinion of anything someone writes online is that webloggers tend to write in two realms. There's the intellectual, and the emotional. Now most bloggers, and I've experienced this on my Life of a one-man IT department blog, have no problem expressing a differing opinion on matters of intellect, whether they be technical, political, social, legal, or statistical. For example, the blog-debate I had with Robert Scoble about real-time blogging at conferences. It was an intellectual debate, and a clean one at that. They don't always stay that way. They can get personal, but I don't think a good writer and thinker can afford to take those sorts of disagreements personally, there's just nothing to be gained in it. I think it's a fairly well accepted idea that you can disagree and debate any blogger about matters of intellect, in fact that's part of what makes this as good as it is.

On the other hand, you have the emotional writing. By this I mean the folks who share the details of their lives in their blogs. This blog would be an example of it, because what you're getting here is a glimpse of what goes on in my personal thoughts, above and beyond the techie stuff that I like to write about. This is my "deep thinking blog". But even then, you only get a small piece of my life when compared to some other bloggers. I tend to believe that a large part of their motivation is social. They are reaching out and connecting with people, making "friends" through blogging. Is that a bad thing? No I don't think so, although you have to allow for some limitations, obviously. It can be a very good thing. I've certainly met people through even the tech blog that I enjoy hearing from and sharing ideas with. Always a bonus, but how much are you free to disagree with someone in this realm?

The best friends I have ever had, and still do have, are the people who feel comfortable enough to tell me when I'm wrong. Doc Searls describes this as "calling bullshit" in the intellectual realm. It's taking a look at what someone's written and being able to say "No, you've got it wrong!". There have been plenty of times in my life when I needed someone to call bullshit on me, because I was completely full of it. I didn't always want to hear it, but it was important to me to have someone close to me who was willing to fight and argue with me about some things. Some times I heeded their advice, other times I didn't. They supported me either way, but they wouldn't have been a very good friend if they had sat by silently while I made horrid decision after horrid decision.

How does this apply to blogs? Or mail lists, or forums, or any online group? That's a good question. Do we have a moral obligation as "friends" to call bullshit on another blogger when they seem to have gotten it wrong, or do we have any right at all to confront them with differing opinions? Frankly, I'm not sure. I know that other than my wife, I don't know anyone in the blogosphere well enough to be able to call bullshit and be taken seriously. On the other hand, I hate to think that we're allowing people to make horrible decisions because no one is willing to deal with the conflict that is sure to come their way, both from that person, and from the "community" surrounding that blog, who will surely accuse the writer of "negativity" and "judging". (The apparent Mortal Sins of the blog world.) Where did this idea come from that friends never criticize or disagree with one another? That's bullshit if there ever was bullshit!

I'd rather have one friend who is willing to argue with me than 100 friends who aren't. Those 100 people will stand and watch you run off the end of the cliff and never bother to tell you it's there, all the while congratulating themselves for their "open-mindedness". Real friends don't give a damn about being open-minded, they just want to do anything they can to keep you away from the cliff. I'd rather have and I'd rather be that kind of friend.

I, frankly, have no idea

I, frankly, have no idea what to say about the Catholic Church and the priests that have been in the news lately. It's all so sad and tragic that I can barely follow it at all.

Convicted child killer disputes warnings

Convicted child killer disputes warnings

Again, much like the Megan's Law cases, I have to ask, if this man is so dangerous that you have to harass him and warn everyone in town about him, why was he ever released from prison? Aren't early releases determined by whether the prisoner has been rehabilitated? If he is rehabilitated, than leave him alone, and if he's not, he shouldn't be out of jail. Why is this so hard for people to get?

Every now and then, I

Every now and then, I take a look at how much work I put in on my two sites and how much feedback I actually get from people, and I am just amazed that anyone even reads all the stuff I write, let alone appreciates it enough to write me about it. I guess that's the old self-esteem issues cropping up again, but it really does amaze me. I think I'd like to keep that amazement though, it makes me appreciate the people who take the time to write me all the more. I like being humble, because every time I start to not be, something happens to make me humble all over again. It would be easier to just stay that way, eh? *L* Besides, there are so many people out there that I can learn from, that I don't think I could ever feel like they have nothing to offer me.

Pat LaFontaine's sweet dream. While

Pat LaFontaine's sweet dream.

While you're all so busy bashing Microsoft, I noticed that they are the corporate partner along with ex-NHL player Pat LaFontaine in trying to equip children's hospitals with high-tech play rooms. I may not agree with everything they do, but you gotta stop and give them credit for this. I hope Pat gets to see his dream come true in as many hospitals as possible! These kids who are dealing with illness and injury deserve it.

Kandahar comes out of the

Kandahar comes out of the closet

NOW that Taleban rule is over in Mullah Omar’s former southern stronghold, it is not only televisions, kites and razors which have begun to emerge.
Visible again, too, are men with their ashna, or beloveds: young boys they have groomed for sex.

Anyone want to argue that Afghan culture, whether it be with Taliban rule or not, is in serious need of outside influence? Oh wait we're not supposed to judge other cultures, right? Bull!

Girl, 9, charged with

Girl, 9, charged with sexual assault.

As much as I hate any child to be abused, this girl needs counseling, she needs to be able to tell someone what made her do this, and what has been going on in her own life that may have been a factor in this. They need to find the root cause of this girl's problems and fix it. They do not need to threaten her with 4 years in juvenile detention. She's freakin' 9 years old!

Not about child abuse, but

Not about child abuse, but an interesting read from Robert Scoble about how the internet is helping him through hard times. Mostly I wanted to share my email to Robert earlier today:

Robert,

I just read your blog entry from last night and wanted to drop you a line. Not to offer condolances or anything like that, it doesn't sound like you really need them, but to share a bit of my own history with you. Something we sort of, in an odd way, have in common.

1997 was the year that I first really started to get into the WWW and HTML, and all that it offered. It was also year 4 of therapy and year 3 of anti-depressants, all stemming from manic depression and an abusive childhood. It was the year my divorce became final, the year I spent 9 days in a hospital hundreds of miles from home, and 3 months basically in bed once I got home because of a virus, and a year in which all but the last 2 weeks saw me unemployed. Like you, I was needing to reach out to people, and find something to belong to.

But it turned out to be the last year of therapy and medication, and the internet played no small role in that.

1997 was the year I discovered that I was not alone. That there were other people out there who were dealing with their own abusive histories. I discovered that I could reach out to those people, and share myself with them, and that they knew and understood what I was dealing with. It was the year I started my own website, to share my story and help others who were dealing with abuse and depression. It still exists at http://www.geocities.com/mikemac29 and it still touches people, which is truly the greatest reward there is for publishing to the web, at least in my opinion.

So I guess, really, I wanted to write and say thank you. Thanks for reminding me why I do all this writing and publishing online. Keep the faith!

It looks like For Better

It looks like For Better or Worse , the comic, is bringing sexual assault to the funny pages. While it doesn't involve a minor, it does involve the sexual advances on a girlfriends' much younger daughter. That's all too common, and probably all too familiar to folks who have dealt with childhood sexual trauma in some way as well. It'll be interesting to see how the story continues.

Stop Child Rape says

Stop Child Rape says South African President

For the sake of all those children in South Africa, I hope they seriosuly crack down on what has become an epidemic there.