Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve been able to write anything new about anything. Guess I’ve just been too busy trying to communicate what I’ve said before to try and communicate something new already. Sometimes my soul just aches to be heard. To know that someone, somewhere understands how I feel, and what I think. Maybe none does. I can’t accept that though, that would ultimately mean that I AM all alone. That’s not a conclusion I can live with.

It seems at times that my ideas click with someone for a moment, and then that moment is gone, and I am back to being disconnected from the world. God, how I wish those moments could last forever, you know the feeling, when it seems like someone has really, truly, heard you. Most of my life has been trying to get that feeling, but let’s be honest, not that many people even want to hear me. Mine is not a positive upbeat sort of story, rather it’s a story that makes others uncomfortable. I think it should make them uncomfortable, this isn’t a nice warm, cozy world that we live in. It’s a world of harsh reality sometimes, but people don’t want to hear that!

What people really want to hear is that you are “just fine”. I know there are exceptions to this, and I am truly thankful for those people. But somehow, even with them I don’t get the feeling that they understand me. Heck, I am not sure I understand me, maybe that’s why I have this incredible need to be heard. I need someone to understand me and then explain it to me !

Perhaps this is the greatest fear of all of us though. The fear that there does not exist a single person who will ever really listen to what we have to say. I hope that fear doesn’t come true for me, or for anyone else. That is too much like living in hell! I wouldn’t want that for anyone, so I guess I’ll listen to everyone, and maybe, just maybe, someone will return the favor.

By Mike McBride 11/23/97