Child Abuse Survivor About a male survivor of childhood abuse, and the issues he faces in adult life. Written for abuse survivors by a fellow survivor. Sat, 19 Apr 2014 00:50:56 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Using Tags Sat, 19 Apr 2014 00:50:56 +0000

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Thanks to my discovery of Simple Tags recently, a WordPress plugin that helps you add tags to old posts, I’ve been doing just that on this blog.

Now, what that means to you might not be much, but it allows me to have another way to present the content here to you. Initially, I had simply created a couple of categories and figured I’d let that be the way you browse posts on the same subject, but over the course of 12+ years of blogging, those categories have become overwhelming. Simply saying here are the posts about child abuse, or depression, is too much now. So Simple Tags helped me broaden the horizons, if you will, and start to use keywords to tag posts and then be able to bunch them up together for you to peruse.

For example, if you wanted to see all the posts where I mention healing, there’s a link for that.

On any post that has tags, you’ll see it toward the bottom, and the tags will be linked to other posts with that same tag. Hope you find it useful!


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When All Else Is Lost, The Future Still Remains Tue, 08 Apr 2014 11:32:57 +0000

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I saw this quote the other day, by Cristian Nestell Bovee, on a LinkedIn status, and I thought to myself, what a perfect way to think about overcoming childhood abuse.

There are many who would tell us that the pain of child abuse is so awful that it’s worse than death. That victims of horrific abuse would almost be better off dead. I’ve never been an advocate of that point of view, for this very reason.

As long as you are alive, there is hope. Hope in a better tomorrow, hope for healing, hope for happiness. I don’t care how horrific the abuse was, if you’re alive today, there is hope, because the future hasn’t been written yet, it is up to you.

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Going Beyond Prosecution Sun, 06 Apr 2014 19:44:26 +0000

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I found myself nodding along as I read a recap of a presentation given by Connilee Christie, who works with children who report being sexually abused. Especially, this part:

Success often is measured on prosecutions, she said. In part, she said, because it is easily measured.

But that is not how the Children’s Advocacy Center in St. Louis measures it. The center abides by what is called the “Child First Doctrine,” which states:

“The child is our first priority. Not the needs of the family. Not the child’s ‘story.’ Not the evidence. Not the needs of the courts. Not the needs of police, child protection, attorneys, etc.”

“Sometimes that means no prosecution,” she said.

I’ve written before about the difference between “justice” and healing. Just because your abuser didn’t go to jail, or didn’t go to jail for as long as you thought they should, has no bearing on your ability to heal. I see the same sort of thought pattern in what they are doing for children in St. Louis. Yes, it would be wonderful if justice could be served in every case, but that’s never going to happen. We can do as much as we can to try and carry out justice in these cases, but getting a guilty verdict is dependent on so many things that are out of our control, as survivors, or those who wish to help them. It depends on being able to take the stand, having others do the same, having a jury believe you versus the person you are accusing, etc.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t pursue justice, but that can’t be the only goal, and the only definition of success. Success, when dealing with victims of sexual abuse is in getting them the help they need, keeping them safe, and getting them on the path to healing as soon as they are able. The best part, is that we can do that without waiting to see what the criminal justice system comes up with, and we can do it regardless of the results.

A survivor overcoming their childhood and learning to life a full life is just as much of a success as seeing their abuser convicted. But the two are not the same thing. Healing can happen regardless.

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Mental Health Stigma in the News Sat, 05 Apr 2014 22:38:21 +0000

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Sure enough, last week, one of the first tidbits of information that was given by the military, thus becoming the focus for the tragic shooting at Fort Hood was that the shooter, Ivan Lopez, had been treated for “mental health issues”.

John Grohol has the run down of the various news stories that came out in the wake of that information, blaming these mental health issues, or the lack of proper mental health care, as the reason for the shooting, when in fact, that probably had nothing to do with it. He also explains that the issues he had sought help with, probably had nothing at all to do with this.

We talk a lot about encouraging people to get help when they are suffering from PTSD, depression or any other form of mental health problem, but then we turn right around and make these connections between those who might have mental health problems, and violence.

Imagine if we told people that they should speak out about being victims of abuse so that they can get help in healing, and then every time a violent act occurred, we proclaimed that it must have been a result of them being abused as children, because “you know how those people are”. Would any one want to come forward and admit that they are, in fact, one of “those people”? Yet the media does the same thing with mental health issues all the time. Sure Ivan Lopez spent time in Iraq, and had sought treatment for some sort of mental health issues. So do thousands of other people, every day. Are they all just a mass shooting waiting to happen?

I don’t think so.


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Rewind to Fast Forward Movie Wed, 02 Apr 2014 00:26:09 +0000

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I’m going to just go ahead and admit, I was really moved by this clip. I think this is going to be a very interesting, and powerful movie about a survivor, and a family dealing with the effects of child sexual abuse. I’m even more impressed that it will be tackling it by looking at a family where there are male survivors. More male survivors need to know that they are not alone.

You can learn more, and support the project on the Kickstarter page.

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