The ThinkUKnow campaign promoting online safety has run since 2007, but now that the National Crime Agency has taken over from SOCA (Serious Organised Crime Agency), from late October 2013, the address has changed. You can now find the resource for children and parents here in its linkup with the Child Exploitation and Online Prevention Centre (CEOP).
Due to the Phillipines Typhoon which moved on the world news agenda, the record breaking total for Britain’s more than 80 year old Children In Need telethon might have been missed, but once late donations have been counted, we’re sure the total raised for Children’s charities could reach UKP 31.5million from its present UKP 31,124,896 (USD 51,020,509.78)*. The total was helped by many fundraising efforts being based around retail and schools activities which could be carried out in advance, with less reliance on fundraising on the night than in recent years.
The Children In Need page is here to see where the money went last year.
Currency Conversions: Xe.com
It’s top of the general list of links for the day, in the 3rd December edition of The Daily Mail in the UK, a woman recounts her experience of surviving and taking an abusive teacher to court. The link is here for when it moves off the links list later this week.
The name of this particular survivor memoir is in reference to tiny people made out of toilet paper, who the author created, and made up personalities and lives for. These people became her friends, and a source of support, while she was living a childhood of horror, terror and physical abuse at the hands of her adoptive mother.
Going in, I recognize that to those who have not come from an abusive childhood this all seems rather silly, but I assure you, it is not. Having imaginary friends, altered senses of reality, and what some would call an inability to connect with real people is not really a sickness when you’re growing up as an abused child. It’s a coping mechanism. It’s what you have to do to survive.
That’s one of the things I really took away from Cherry’s book as I was reading it. The coping mechanisms might be different for all of us, but we all had our coping mechanisms. They were the things that kept us going, that helped us simply survive our childhood. While other children are learning about themselves, understanding their place in the world, and how to become adults in that world, the abuse survivors or doing just that, surviving. All of these discoveries about the outside world, our place in it, and how to navigate and succeed in it, must wait until later in our lives. Through the telling of her story, we can clearly see how Cherry goes from defenseless child, to doing what it takes to escape the abuse to then starting to learn about herself. Hard as it can be to see sometimes, I do feel like that is a fair representation of all survivor’s journey. We have to take the time to learn things that we should have learned as children, leaving us looking like quite the “mess” as adults, but not hopeless, just a little behind.
The other thing I took away was the feeling of belonging to someone else. To her abusive mother, Cherry wasn’t a person, she was a possession. I often talk about how the best thing parents can do to prevent their children from being abused if to be fully formed adults themselves, so that they can be parents, and not have codependent relationships with their own kids, but here we have an extreme example of how not being a fully formed adult herself turned “that woman” into an abuser. Her adopted daughter became a possession, something to control and make into something that existed for her own use. When you grow up as a pawn in someone other person’s game of life, is it any wonder that you don’t grow up with a sense of who you really are?
I’m very glad that Cherry decided to share her story with the world through this book. I hope that it helps other survivors to recognize the struggles we face as adults even after we’ve “escaped” the abuse, and that it also helps those who do not share this background to understand the very fundamental ways in which survivors are not a “mess” but just learning about themselves much later in life.
We can hope anyway.
You can learn more at the website for the book http://www.toiletpaperpeople.com/
As you may know by now, I do believe very much in the power of connected with other survivors online. An online community may not be the end all and be all of support for a survivor, but it’s something, where there may currently be nothing.
So, it was a pleasant surprise to see two mentions of different online support resources being announced, just in time for the holidays.
The first, is an online forum being hosted by the folks at 3 Wiser Monkeys. That organization has been around as a local support for people in that area of the UK. Now, however, with the addition of the Victim to Survivor forum, any one can take part in the conversations. It’s just starting out, so it’s a god chance to be part of creating a supportive and helpful place for survivors.
The second resource is being put together by OneHealth, again an existing community dedicated to using the power of community to help people lead healthier lives. They’ve just announced a new community that offers “Personalized Support for
Survivors of Childhood Sexual Trauma“. Membership is free, so if you’re interested in checking that out, please do!
If you do decide to get involved in these communities, be sure to come back and let us know how it goes! It’s important to be able to direct survivors to resources that are actually going to be helpful, and I know I don’t have time to check all of them out myself!