Just show up. It’s that simple.
“Far too automatically, people associate childhood sexual abuse with girls yet boys suffer as well. Quite possibly, they do so in greater numbers than you might expect.”
I’ve purposely not written about the Duggars, because frankly, I don’t like the fact that many people feel like either they can write for the victims, which isn’t fair, if they choose to speak up, or not, that is their choice, or others who only want to write about them to highlight how abuse happens within a religion/culture they happen not to like. (Hint, it happens everywhere, their religion didn’t cause this, as much as I might not agree with their beliefs.) It was nice to see Marcia take a big news story and instead of turning it into a vendetta or defense of the family, just use it as a learning tool for what parents can do when faced with sibling sexual abuse, which is something that we don’t talk about enough.
Mostly, this is good advice, but I hesitate to put this out there. Many people, when dealing with someone who has experienced trauma, or mental illness, wind up walking on eggshells, afraid of “re-traumatizing” so much that being around them becomes uncomfortable for everyone. I would add to always remember that this is still the person you’ve always known, try not to act too differently around them, that only adds to the impression that something is wrong with them, as opposed to being a normal symptom of trauma.
I saw a brief mention of this story when it first came out, but I had not seen any of the details. Interesting how this doesn’t fit the “stereotype” in so many ways.
I’ve been reading a book about trauma off and on, review is coming eventually, and I find this to be very consistent with the ideas in there. Good things to keep in mind for your own, or a loved one’s, trauma.
How many decisions are based on overcoming shame that doesn’t belong to us, or how many opportunities are passed up because we feel inadequate? I know it took me years to understand that I could accomplish just about anything, and I’m still deathly afraid of failing, even though I have before and know it’s not the end of the world.
Sadly, this is true.for all victims, but I feel like it is especially true for male victims of sexual abuse. We’re supposed to tough it out and not show any weakness, especially hockey players of all people! But healing really comes from being able to talk about it, whether that be publicly or privately.
If you’ve been around here for long, you likely know that sometimes, I just like to change things up and see how it works out. As a techie kind of guy, part of hosting my own websites has been to dabble, so occasionally, I’ll dabble in a new direction.
While over in Australia last week, I decided that I wanted to change the way I use Diigo to bookmark items. I wanted to continue using it as a tool to point to interesting things, but I found that the way I was doing it, left something to be desired. The old work flow was:
- Bookmark in Diigo
- Use IFTTT to auto share new bookmarks to Twitter and Facebook.
- Have a Weekly blog post listing out everything I bookmarked during the week
As I said, that wasn’t a bad way to go. I think it has served me well, but it was lacking in one key area. If there was something breaking, and I wanted to quickly comment on it, I really needed to create a post for it instead of using the Diigo workflow, and because of the security setup of my WordPress installs, writing a blog post while traveling is sometimes problematic. Otherwise my comment would have to wait until Sunday, when the weekly roundup posted, and potentially get lost in the list of links being shared.
I’ve decided to go a different route, which you may have already seen.
- Bookmark in Diigo with notes
- Use IFTTT to create a new blog post, with the link and my notes/comments
- Push the blog post to Twitter and Facebook from WordPress
- Share other things that I don’t have comments to add directly to Facebook and Twitter and not here on the blog
So this means that you should start to see more posts here, and if you follow me on Twitter or the Facebook page, or other social networks, you’ll start to see things just shared directly there without seeing them here. Hopefully, it’s interesting stuff, but if not, hey at least you know I’ll probably change it again someday. 😉
This is tough. Most of us don’t want to do anything but punish pedophiles, but at the same time, if we are truly trying to protect kids, not having any information at all about pedophilia is problematic. How do we know what we’re doing now works without the ability to study people with a professed attraction to children?
In the end, I’m for anything that works to protect kids as much as possible, and against anything that doesn’t actually protect them. That’s why I find much of the knee-jerk reaction that passes for “laws” in the US to be a problem. It doesn’t actually make any kids safer, but it makes us all feel better for “doing something”, no matter how ill-thought that something is. I would like more research, I would like a way to help anyone attracted to children to avoid hurting children, and I would like a way to prevent anyone bent on sexually abusing children from having access to children at all. Right now, we aren’t accomplishing that.