Abuser’s physical characteristics

posted in: Child Abuse | 3

I had a thought the other day, about people and friendships, about why, as a survivor, there are certain people we’re more likely to trust and others not so much. I think many times it’s no fault of the person, there’s just something about them that keeps us from being comfortable with them. For instance, over the years I’ve always had trouble being close friends with guys. I absolutely know that part of that is the fact that my abusers were male. I don’t think I’m alone in that either.

Even more than that, the guys who I do count as close friends are generally physically smaller than me. The person who sexually abused me as a child was tall, thin, had blue eyes, etc. I know people who fit a similar description now, and they actually make me uncomfortable. Not because of anything they did or anything they are, it’s just their physical characteristics remind me of the person who abused me, so it’s going to be ridiculously hard to let my guard down and trust them. Maybe you could say that is my loss, and I won’t argue with you, but it’s what I have to do to feel safe.

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3 Responses

  1. Just rememeber to hang in there! You will face those kinds of feelings and they are not uncommon.It took me a long time to get over them. But there is hope. Just remember it is one day at a time or very often 1 hour at a time.

  2. Ive have exprience some diffuculties ect. My dad tryed to rape me.I didnt tell anyone till i got very upset.Then i had to tell someone.So i told my school counseler .Then she told my mom .I was having a hard time dealing with the situation.Then there was a time where i tryed to kill myself.People startd thinking i was crasy. But im not i was just havimg a hard time , noone was understanding me.But trust me that is not the solution,just hang in their .I know its hard, but wouldnt you rather become something in this world and not be like your parents.Try your best and dont let noone put you down

  3. I was coherced into sexual activities with an older boy when I was 9 years old. I also have been unable to keep male friends longer than 3 to 4 years and even female friends for more than 2 years. But the friends I had were good friends. They are lawyers, doctors, teachers, and designers. I have a girlfriend now and I’ve only told her and my therapist about the incident. I think I won’t be satisfied until I tell everyone about it or join a support group with similar victims. Hang in there, and get some counciling or therapy or support group. I know I am going to.

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