Crisis of Confidence

It’s been an interesting few days. After surviving layoffs, I find myself with both the opportunity to step into some more of the limelight at work, posting to one of the firms blogs and doing some presentations at outside events, and the need to be more visible and show the value I bring to the firm. At first, I was really excited about the opportunities, and eady to accept the new challenges. Today, however, as I finished up researching and editing my first post, I heard an old, familiar voice. The voice that seems to crop up at these moments with all the old doubts I’ve always felt about myself.

So, rather than being proud of the efforts, and looking forward to sharing what I’ve worked on with other folks, I’m feeling abject fear that the increased visibility is only going to show that I’m not very good at this.

I guess we’ll find out if that is true soon enough. :)

I do know, though, that voice is not the truth, and has never been the truth. It’s the voice of my childhood, always making sure that I know I’m not good enough, but I’m not a child any more, and I won’t accept those lies any more. I may try and fail at many things as an adult, and I may prove to not be very good at some things, but I won’t let the doubts of my childhood keep me from trying any way.