About
Why does this place exist? That’s probably what you’re wondering, or at least it’s running a close second to “Who is this freak?”, right? Both are fairly legitimate questions, I will admit that. The reasoning for this site goes back to about 1997.
In January of that year, I found myself destitute and hospitalized, in the process of a divorce, forced to move into my parents house in order to recuperate from my illness. Having no money, and unable to leave the house much, I found myself with a lot of time and an internet connection. I started building a website, using the free tools at Geocities, writing about what was going on in my head, what had driven me to the place in which I found myself. It was a release, but it was also something else.
The other thing that I found was that other people felt the same way I did. That what I had written had somehow managed to reach across the ether and connect with them. Most importantly, as I struggled to understand the damage that had been done to my adult life by a childhood full of abuse and sadness, I found that I wasn’t the only one. I wasn’t alone, despite the fact that I had never felt more alone in my life. There were others out there, people who were trying so desperately to make any kind of normal life for themselves after having suffered the devastation that comes from being a victim of child abuse. This site is for them.
I continued to use Geocities as the home, until Jan 2003, when a friend, who wishes to remain anonymous, donated a hosting account to me for this particular use. I now embark and a journey of building a new site, one that I hope will be bigger and better than the last, using new tools that allow for that. But in the end, all I really want is to know that this site helped someone feel a little less alone. That’s reward enough.
Now about me, well I am now 42 years old. I’ve since met and married a wonderfully supporting and loving wife, and after having spent close to 10 years learning and working in the IT field, have spent the last few years working in Litigation Support at a law firm. You can learn more about that side of my life on my tech site. I’ve been off anti-depressants, and out of therapy for almost as long, having been deemed healthy enough to continue on my own. That doesn’t mean life is a bed of roses, it simply means that I’ve learned enough to know how to take care of myself when the rough times come, and they always do. I guess the reality is that you never really leave the abuse behind, you just learn better coping mechanisms.
Finally, I want to welcome you to my little corner of the Web, and ask that if anyone has anything they want to contribute to the site, whether it be an essay, or just an idea for something you’d like, drop me a line at webmaster at childabusesurvivor dot net.
I really like your blog. Is it alright if I add it to my favorite blogs?
Please keep my email address confidential.
Thanks,
Faith
Thank you so much for your blog or is it called a website
I’m so not a techy person
going to click on that right now . Thanks a bunch .
It is really nice to read your writings . You have done so much ! I also want to say what a value it is for me to read writings from a male survivor . My brother and other men in my life were abused just as I was yet I truely believe that although we have so many of the same issues regarding our abuse There may be feelings , emotions etc. from a male perspective . For all I can have empathy and understanding for my brother as a fellow survivor I’m sure there are things for him ( he rarely speaks of his abuse , and is not interested in healing what so ever yet ) inside himself I being female may not have experienced , felt etc.
You have so much info here ! wow . I just looked up and saw the emotional processing link
This may not be the appropriate place on the site for this…
A friend of mine feels that I was abused as a child.
The first time I had sex was at 12 years old with a friend. He was 13. Our game of truth and dare turned sexual; I lost my innocence that day. This went on for a year or so and just as abruptly as it started, it stopped. As I entered middle school, I looked at boys in the locker room in a whole new light. I found myself intrigued and even attracted to them.
My struggle with seeing this as abuse is that he was only 1 year older than me. I enjoyed it even though I didn’t quite understand it. Was this abuse and I’m just being blind?
Also, at 17, a 22 year old teacher at my school befriended me. A once respectable relationship soon turned sexual. By this time in my life, I knew what was going on and wanted it to happen. I’ve also been told this was abuse because I was still a minor. I knew what was happening. Is it still abuse if I allowed it to continue?
I find it interesting that my story can be told in 3rd person and I see it as abuse. But when my name is plugged in, my feelings change. I don’t quite understand that. These experiences have impacted my life in a sorrowful way. I have had sexual confusion for years, loneliness, emtional numbness, relational issues, etc., etc.
I need another perspective…
David,
In my own personal opinion, if these experiences have “impacted my life in a sorrowful way”, then apply whatever word you want to it, but seek out a therapist to help you overcome what you are currently experiencing. Regardless of whether you consider what happened to be “abuse”, or whether you feel like you consented in some way, it is affecting you now, and that’s what you need to come to grips with. Not the word, or the definition. Just what happened to you, no matter what you call it.
Good luck!
David
I never saw your post at the time but would only add to Mike’s comments to sign up on the newly redesigned network here at this portal, in addition to getting therapy. When a site like Malesurvivor.org re-opens, we’ll post about it.
[...] Child Abuse Survivor [...]
I can still remember at4 and 5 yrs old being locked in a closet for hours by my mother. Not only did she put me there, she strung up a monster Halloween mask and a white sheet. Outside the door she would tell me the boogie man was going to bite me. I would scream for my dad who was at work. When she did let me out she would threaten to break my neck if I ever told. I am 37 yrs old and many issues with depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, self injury. She abused and tortured me DAILY for years.
Hi guy.
Man, so much “been there done that”. I’m 53. My older brother … sigh. Anyway, we found this site, thought we’d join the fray. We’re just SW of you, near dis-gusta. Being a male abuse survivor is hard, no? (add French accent, LOL). Yeah, and we’re crazy. (rabbits, foxes, you name it.) That MPD thing, ya know. But have been making progress. Like you, married a good woman; she is … not educated in these things, but loves us anyway. Poor girl. Has your wife had these problems with you? (MPD, DID, depression, self-injury, suicide attempts, you know the drill, eh?). Anyway, just wanted to touch base. Support for male abuse survivors seems totally non-existent – most shrinks and counselors wouldn’t touch us with a ten foot pole, and the ones who did … not great, okay? So we heal ourselves (first step: embracing our selves and our madness, understand, forgive, la-dee-da, all that mess.) Again, you probably know. Our blog http://jeffssong.wordpress.com, if you want to use anything feel free. Us guys gotta hang together I reckon; form our own little band of beaten misbegottens. Ah well, such is life. hard sometimes. anyway – take care, feel free to drop notes, whutever – glad YOU are here to hear. Tough row to hoe, eh, cousin? Greeneville – good deal. Talk at me sometime if you want. LOL, our wives should compare notes: might help both of them. But well aware how the shame game works; I doubt this’ll happen. Until later, potential support victim – here for you, too, if you or wifie ever needs it. No promises, no guarentees. Again: you know the drill, or else you wouldn’t be hear. Until whatever whenever however.. sad, ain’t it?
Hello, I want to thank you for sharing; as I find true comfort in your words. The severity of abuse that had been put upon myself, and my brothers and sisters, has left a huge hole in my heart. I for many years have tried to understand my brother’s point of view, and there inability to acknowledge what we all went through. Thank you, for the support and compassion you have shown by writing this blog. It truly is amazing the more I read, seek out blogs, and other assistance each day, my heart is feeling more confident in the fact that I am not alone. I have said to therapists that i did not feel alone as much as before, but there was a constant aching longing in my heart with questions I didn’t have answers to, and being surrounded by relatives who didn’t acknowledge any abuse ever happened. One sister did say that we were abused and quickly retreated to denial. So, thank you for your words of comfort to us all..
The one thing that I still can’t get over about my abuse is that no one in my family will talk about it with me. I mean it happened to me and only me by a stepmother, and yet I bring it up to my brother or sister and they just tell me I need to let it go and that I need to go to therapy. The thing is I have moved on, and Im ok, thats why I can talk about it. But the people I want to talk about it most with they shut it out. That is what I cant get past or let go of. I just want to know is there anyone else that faces this issue being the only abused child in the family and the rest shut it out. Being abused was part of my life. It had a role in shaping my heart, I just dont understand why its hard for them to except it after so many years.
You have a fantastic site my friend and you are right, you are not alone, there are so many of us out there that have survived, i became a survivor in Dec 2008 and seen our abuser sent to jail for 21 years in Sep 2010, keep up the good work.
hi,
As a little kid I was involved into “games” with my older male cousins where they made me undress and expose myself. Later from 6 to 9 years old I “played lovers” with my oldest cousin who just used me as a sex toy during his hypersexual teenagehood. I have tired 2 times in my life to confess to people who I thought were my close friends that I was sexually abused as a child. In both cases they didn’t get it. One just smiled like an idiot, second just didn’t care that much. I have lived through anxiety disoder, sociophobia, panic attacks and agony of self blame, bulemia and a suicide attempt. I hated myself, I cut my wrists to hurt myself. I learned English and ran far far away from home. I’m still “good friends” with my cousins, and their wives, parents etc. We chat, we laugh, we hang out together when I come visit. I forgot, or did I ???? I’m 28 and I have never been in a relationship, never had sex, no personal life whatsoever. I still suffer from panick attacks and sociophobia. This is the 1st reason why I am writing this. The second reason is my younger brother. He’s 23, just like me he’s never been in a relationship with anyone. I recall how we both were humiliated by a cousin, this jerk who I now talk on skype from time to time about his unhappy marriage. He never apologized but talks to me like I’m his best firend. That cousin would say something really strange about my younger brother. And then I remember how my parents found my brother’s drawings of a male with a huge penis. My brother was like 6 at that time. They didn’t bother to find out anything just scolded him for being dirty. Now it breaks my heart to think that he might have been abused too. I don’t know what to do, I love him and I want to help him and myself and I don’t know how. There is just too much going on in my head and I don’t know how to sort it out. If I dare to post this, this can be a step forward and 3d attemp to confess. I hope it’ll be successful this time. I can’t go to terapy right now, I can’t afford it. But I would like to start talking to people like myself. And may be in future to launch a web site in my native language and help myself by helping others. My email is provided and I’d appreciate any feedback.