Child Abuse Survivor

Sorry I’ve been out of touch, life’s been a bit of a whirlwind thanks to getting sick, and then having a death in my wife’s family. Many things, let alone blogging, have had to be pushed aside due to those circumstances, but I did want to make a note.

Normally this time of year I talk a bit about what charitable donations I am going to make for year. Normally there’s a donation to a child abuse prevention charity, it’s been the local children’s hospital for example, but I think, in light of recent events, my charity donation is going to begin with something different this year.

You see, the death in my wife’s family was her great-grandmother. A woman with many fine traits, a woman my wife has looked up to with the utmost respect, and who has been a source of inspiration to my wife since she was a little girl. Unfortunately, she is also a woman I never knew. For while I’ve known Angela for almost 7 years, and we’ve been married for 5, and I’ve met her great -grandmother many times, she has suffered from Alzheimer’s for all that time. She wasn’t the woman my wife told stories about, our spoke so highly of, she was a shell of that woman, and as the years went on, she became less and less of that woman. Her Alzheimer’s took her away long before her life ended, it deprived all of us from sharing these last years with her, in my case it deprived me of ever getting to know one of my wife’s heroes. That was my loss, I have no doubt. From what I’ve been told of her, I can see her spirit living in my wife, and will continue to do so for many years, I hope, but I never got to see the source of that spirit, even though she was right there physically for all these years. That’s a shame, and it’s something I hope you never have to know.

I’ve known it in my own family, and now I’ve known it in my wife’s family. I’ve watched as my own relatives became distant shadows of themselves, and I’ve missed out on the opportunity to know a great lady because of Alzheimer’s, I want to try and do something to help make sure others don’t. I believe Angela and I will be making a donation to the Alzheimer’s Association, in memory of her great-grandmother this year.

The Fifth Edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is up over at Survivors can Thrive today. Once again it looks like there quite a bit of good writing going on, as usual.

Next month’s edition will be hosted right here, so start thinking about submissions!

As I’m sure you all know, I’m very interested in the idea of leveraging technology when it comes to spreading the word about child abuse, whether that be by getting the facts out in the open, or making sure that survivors know they are not alone. That’s why I have this site. That’s also why when I was listening to an episode of a tech podcast called Valid Syntax the other day, and heard Kreg mention a show called Missingalert.com that I jotted down a note to take a look at that. Well, tonight I finally did that, and found a very interesting idea. Using all sorts of new technology, including a PC-Desktop alerter, website modules, audio and video podcasts, to spread the word about missing children. As you know, you never know who is going to come in contact with a missing or abducted child. The more people are aware that someone’s missing, the more likely those random chance sightings can turn into a child being home. I like the idea of trying to leverage new technologies to make that happen. (Obviously, I have the amber alert bar at the top of this site, so it’s something I support. I may just have to look at adding this, or at least grabbing the video podcast.

I saw this morning over at Pysch Central that Thursday, Oct. 5th is National Depression Screening Day.

Follow the link and read more about it, and find out who should seriously consider being screened, whether on-line or in person.

As a personal note, this is incredibly important. Depression is a serious problem, it can be debilitating, and even deadly if not treated, but with a proper screening, you can get help before it reaches that point. If you suspect that you, or someone you know, may be suffering from depression, please take advantage of this time to seek out help.

If you’re in the US, and planning on eating out tomorrow, how about eating at Chilis? They are donating 100% of their profits on Sept. 25th to Saint Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital, one of the leading childhood cancer centers in the world.

Thanks to Kevin for the pointer.

I saw this post over at Neil’s blog, he’s going to be interviewed about life as a male victim of sexual abuse next Weds. on the Darkness to Light radio show. I’ll be working when the show airs live, but I will be sure to give it a listen from the site shortly afterwards. Obviously, I do have some interest in the topic, and it’s not often you see the topic of sexual abuse specifically of males being addressed, so I’m glad for that, if nothing else!

Apparently, Megan’s Law wasn’t bad enough. Now my home state of Ohio is pushing ahead a law that would allow prosecutors, or even the alleged victims, petition a judge to have someone listed in the public sexual offenders registry even if they aren’t found guilty! According to the Toldeo Blade:

A recently enacted law allows county prosecutors, the state attorney general, or, as a last resort, alleged victims to ask judges to civilly declare someone to be a sex offender even when there has been no criminal verdict or successful lawsuit.

The rules spell out how the untried process would work. It would largely treat a person placed on the civil registry the same way a convicted sex offender is treated under Ohio’s so-called Megan’s Law.

The person’s name, address, and photograph would be placed on a new Internet database and the person would be subjected to the same registration and community notification requirements and restrictions on where he could live.

Apparently, we now live in a society that is perfectly willing to throw away a tried and true concept like “innocent until proven guilty” because it gives the appearance of “protecting the children”, without actually protecting anyone.

Even as a survivor of childhood abuse, this law idea sickens me.

Marj, from the Survivors Can Thrive blog, left a comment and let me know about a new project she has started called Silence the Shame, which she describes as a secret-sharing space. I think it’s an interesting idea, creating a place for anyone to share their secrets and get support. Check it out for yourself.

As if these sorts of stories weren’t completely predictable, it seems that yet again someone listed on an offender registry has been the victim of vigilante justice in Sacramento.

Years ago, when every child protection agency in the country was pushing for these laws I though they were a bad idea, and I still do. The net effect of laws like this are two-fold, one we see right in this story. People listed in the registry, for whatever reason, are going to be the victims of violent crimes. The second, is that a whole generation of parents and politicians are going to convince themselves that they know where are the dangers for their kids are, because they’re in the database, and they can pressue these people to leave their neighborhoods, to even further protect their children. Nice thought, but completely not the reality of child abuse. Most abuse is suffered at the hands of family, relatives and friends with access to a child, not released offenders committing another crime.

Megan’s Law has been in effect for years now, and the on-line offender registries have been available for awhile as well. If it’s as effective as proponents said it would be, shouldn’t we see a corresponding decline in the number of child sexual abuse cases being reported? Do we?

The third version of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is up. I wasn’t able to get anything submitted this month, too busy really, but it does appear that there are plenty of good posts to read!

Tags: CarnivalAginstChildAbuse