Child Abuse Survivor » Personal News

2011: Quite The Wild Ride

MikeM — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 17:59:27 +0000

As we approach the end of another year, rather than making resolutions, I am much more prone to looking back and the last year, and measuring the success by comparing where I am in live to this time last year.

Wow, the end of 2011 looks very different than then end of 2010 did!

First off, the obvious. Last year I was working at a different firm and living in a different state than I am now. It was difficult to pick up and leave Ohio behind. I’d lived there for 25 years. I have family there, and dear friends who I would miss seeing on a regular basis, not to mention the 6-7 months that I’d be living apart from my own wife after I moved down here. This has been a huge change, and the change has provided a number of challenges, some of which I knew going in while others were fairly unexpected:

I missed my wife, more than I even thought I would. I went in thinking it would be like she was traveling for work, only for a couple of months at a time. I forgot just how much I depended on having friends around when Angela wasn’t. Now that I was the one away, from her and friends, there were moments of profound loneliness. On the other hand, there was the knowledge that this was temporary, and was a step to us living in the South, which was the goal.

Despite all the advances in online resources to connect with local people, it’s really hard to meet people and develop friendships when you work very different hours than they do. Greenville, SC is not friendly to those of us who work until 8 in the evening. This is not NY, DC, or even Columbus. Much of Greenville closes down not much after I get done working in the evening.

On the flip side, Facebook, email, texting, etc. gave me a way to keep in touch with those friends I was leaving behind in Ohio. It’s not the same as being able to spend time with them in person, but when it’s all you have, it’s a godsend. I’m eternally grateful to the folks who have kept in touch and provided a sense of community from far away. I look forward to showing some of those far flung friends the beauty that is the mountains of the Western Carolinas some day soon too!

I never knew so many people up north had such difficulty with the concept that there is a North and a South Carolina. For the record, we live in SOUTH Carolina, though we are close to the border.

Of all the stress involved in moving and starting a new job, none of it compares to picking out the house you and your wife are going to live in, when she’s not here to have any input.

When you change this much at once, it’s difficult to find the same routines again. I sort of “fell” into new routines, and struggled to get back to doing things like writing, or taking the camera out to explore, the same way I had before. Heck, even living with a spouse is a routine you have to get back into after being apart that long!

Now that we are both here, and settled in to our new home, knowing that we made it through all of these changes gives me a sense of confidence in myself, and our marriage, that I have never known before. Other survivors of childhood abuse can understand what it’s like to not develop self-confidence, and being deathly afraid of change, but the ones who can look that fear in the eye and do it anyway, get to see so much growth and healing. I wouldn’t have had this much growth in one year without these challenges.

I will say that the big lesson I will take away from this year, is to always look forward. Getting through all this new “stuff” alone was much less about the strength of my character than it was about knowing what the goals were and being able to see where it fit in with what we wanted from our lives. There was a point to all of this, and that knowledge made it possible to carry on through the stress and loneliness. I think that’s a pretty important thing to keep in mind as we struggle through healing from abuse. There is a point to the struggle.

If I had a resolution, it would be to find my routine again, to get back to doing the things that make me happy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly happy with the choices we made this year, but I’d like to maybe have some time to be a little less overwhelmed and find happiness in the small details of life again.

I hope that whether 2012 brings you tremendous changes, or just small ones, that they bring you much joy and happiness going forward!

Annual Tradition – Favorite Photos of 2011

Annual Tradition – Favorite Photos of 2011

MikeM — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 01:45:48 +0000

This has been a bit of an off year for me as a photographer. Dealing with all the changes and challenges of this year has kept me busy, obviously. (More on that in a later post.) Not really traveling much this year compared to the last few certainly contributed to that as well. On the other hand, I have spent some time exploring some of area I am now living in, and while I don’t have as many photos to choose from this year, I have many that remind me of the wild ride that has been 2011, and have enough personal meaning to be among my favorites of 2011. I hope you enjoy them as well!

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

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I Hope You All Have a Safe, Wonderful Holiday Weekend!

MikeM — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 01:29:05 +0000

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Quick Life Update

MikeM — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 03:17:17 +0000

With everything being brand new it’s been a little tough to develop any routine, let alone one that includes posting to the blog on a regular basis. After one week at the new job, I’m just starting to develop a bit of a routine there, but outside of work, life is really a work in progress.

In fact, I’d say that “work in progress” is a great description of my day-to-day life right now. Work is still overwhelming, but it’s getting there. I still feel clueless much of the time, but I have been able to tackle some tasks on my own, and contribute toward getting through the team’s workload, so I feel good about that. Plus, I’m learning a whole bunch of new Litigation Support tools, which is always fun.

I’ve just started searching for a furnished apartment to live in temporarily. The extended-stay hotel is ok for a short time, but I feel like a closet and a couch would be awesome additions. Hopefully something will work out on that front in the next couple of weeks.

As far as living in Greenville, I am enjoying that. As with any Southern town, the people are friendly, the weather’s been fantastic, and there’s plenty to explore in the area to keep me busy. Plus, I do think my camera is going to love it here, as evidenced by the photos I took while exploring downtown on a lovely Sunday afternoon.

Yes, there is a waterfall in the center of downtown, and it’s surrounded by quite a lovely park area, which is also a community WiFi zone, how cool is that?

So, while it’s still a struggle to adjust to all of this new stuff, including living apart from my wife for now, I’m excited about the future here, and looking forward to continuing to settle in.

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Not Fooling

MikeM — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 00:51:08 +0000

So it’s April 1st. But for me, especially this year, it’s no time for pranks.

April 1 was the day of my first date with the woman who would become my wife, in 2000, so it’s always been a day of great beginnings. This year, April 1 is the day I arrived in Greenville, SC to start a new beginning. Even though I’m now apart from my wife, temporarily, the anniversary of that beginning seems like an appropriate time to be in South Carolina and starting the next chapter of our lives.

Of course, it’s also tiring. anything this new is going to be. Since I left Columbus yesterday, everything has been new. Nothing is part of my normal routine. In fact, I don’t even have a routine! It’s a bit unsettling, I admit to that, but I know that there will be a new routine and this will all be old hat shortly. It’s just a matter of getting through the change, and coming out the other side.

The other thing about this being April 1 that is no joke is that this also marks the beginning of Child Abuse Prevention Month. There are a number of resources listing ways you can get involved on that site, but to me the best thing you can do as a survivor is simply share your story. You will be amazed at how many people will be drawn to your story, and empowered to speak up about their own story, even if it is just to you. I’ve met so many people through this site, and connected with people who I already knew, and had no idea we shared our survivorship until they learned my story, and felt safe to share theirs with me.

Appropriately, Tracie is also dedicating the April version of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse to “Speaking Out”. There is no better way to share your story than to submit a blog post to the carnival!

So, that’s what’s going on in my head tonight. Sorry if it seems a bit disjointed, I’m feeling a bit disjointed so that would make sense.

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What’s Been Distracting Me?

MikeM — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 02:07:21 +0000

I know I’ve been away from the site for a bit, and have only managed to check in over on the Survivor’s Network every couple of days. I hope the news I recently shared about my professional life will help explain my absence, as well as explain why March might not be any different!

Hopefully, once I’m settled into the new job and the new town, things will get back to normal with my online time again. In the mean time, I hope you’ll be patient with me!

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Unbridled Glee

MikeM — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 01:35:16 +0000

While we were vacationing down in Florida this week, I heard my wife laugh in such a free, gleeful way that it actually made me jealous of her for a minute. We were riding Space Mountain, and she was seated directly behind me. As you may know, the ride is very dark, so you don’t really see much more than a few lights and you rapidly scream by, but you do hear the other riders scream, or otherwise make noise. Through the din of other riders, and the sound effects of the ride itself, I heard the unmistakable sound of my wife giggling uncontrollably.

Luckily for me, it’s a sound I hear somewhat frequently so I recognized it. I was also incredibly happy that she was having a moment of unbridled glee just then. Those are the moments that make life worthwhile, whether they occur on a thrill ride while on vacation, laughing at a favorite movie, goofing around with our loved ones, or singing our favorite song. It’s those moments when we can’t help but express our joy. I know it’s easier for her to express joy than it is for me, but I also know there have been plenty of those moments for myself as well. Moments that make all the struggling and all the pain of healing completely worthwhile. Moments when I can honestly say that I’m glad I’m alive and experiencing this moment, right now.

I know I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything, and that’s how I know all that healing work paid off.

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Happy 2011!

MikeM — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 18:19:54 +0000

Much as Tracie mentioned in the last Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse of 2010, I’m not much for making New Year’s resolutions. On the other hand, I find birthdays, and new year’s, to be a good time to reflect on what’s going on, and check in to make sure I’m making progress in the areas I want to make progress in, as well as just generally making sure I’m headed in the right direction.

Sometimes those check-ins can lead to making something like a resolution, but as opposed to trying to do, or not do as the case may be, something different, I like to think of it more as tweaking the plan. This weekend, as the calendar changes to 2011, it’s clear to me that 2010 has stayed pretty close to on plan. Most things I set out to do a year ago were accomplished, but some were not. Sometimes life has a way of throwing you curve balls, and you have to adjust your plans. That certainly has happened more than once in 2010 too! The important thing is to be able, at the end of 2010, look back and see the improvements made in the past year. Years with progress, whether it be on a healing journey, or just a journey of self-improvement, are good years.

Looking forward, I know there are some things coming up that are a bit out of my control. That makes it hard to really plan for them, but I am aware of them now, and will be looking forward to things changing, even if I don’t know how, exactly, those changes are going to play out just yet. But I’ll be ready for them! On the stuff that is in my control, however, there are some tweaks needed. Mostly in terms of getting back into things that have slipped a bit this year, especially toward the end of the year when life got a little bit crazy for us.

In terms of this site, I couldn’t be happier. The site now has over 350 “fans” on the Facebook page, the Twitter stream has over 400 followers and I know even more are simply stopping in to read occasionally. I cannot thank all of you enough. That tells me that, despite the ups and downs of my ability to spend time writing, there’s some good coming from it.

I’m happy with 2010, it’s been a very good year. I’m hopeful that 2011 will be as well, and I’m ready to do what I need to for that to happen. I hope that you are as well, and that at the end of 2011, you will be able to look back and see the progress and improvements you’ve made this year!

Annual Tradition – My Favorite Photos from 2010

MikeM — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 12:04:45 +0000

Since much of my vacation time was spent traveling to Ireland and Scotland this year, I think you’ll see those photos dominating my favorite shots from this year.

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

Annual Tradition – Favorite Photos of 2011

Merry Christmas!

MikeM — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 14:10:49 +0000

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