It’s up over at From Tracie’s blog. She’s chosen the “hope and Joy” theme for this month, very similar to my brief post earlier this week about the importance of fun! (Which I did submit, but seems like it got lost somewhere in the submission process. Oh well, it happens, I’ll just submit it again next month. 
Anyway, go check out all the good posts in this month’s carnival!
Wow, that turned unto quite a long title, didn’t it?
Anyway, this months edition didn’t see the same number of entries that recent editions have, probably owing to the weather getting a bit nicer and people spending a bit more time away from their computers I’d guess. However, don’t let the number fool you, there is, as always, some excellent stuff in here!
As you know, with this month being the month St. Patrick’s Day falls, and your host having quite a bit of Irish blood flowing in his veins, I wanted to focus on the way I view my Irish heritage. I’ve always considered the Irish to be a people that managed to live through their suffering by always looking forward, always willing to enjoy what they have to look forward to, and apply that to survivors. To me, having the ability to enjoy the little things in life, and having positive things to look forward to is a real key to healing, and I shared my own thoughts on the matter through the words of my grandmother in the post Family Wisdom.
Katie picked up on the theme and submitted an article she had actually written in Feb. (She was ahead of the game!) called What Makes you Happy?
Marj was also ahead of the game, submitting a post from July, 2009 entitled Helping Your Inner Child Help You along with this explanation:
I’m submitting this post for our “Surviving with Joy” theme because working with my inner child during my recovery has provided me with many little moments of joy.
Meanwhile, Issue Knitting also picked up on the theme and submitted Finding Joy, which literally made me smile as I read it!
Lastly, Paul took an interesting twist on my Irish Heritage theme, and talked about the Irish Famine Memorial in Boston, and how he relates to the struggle and the need to continue marching forward! How true, Paul!
Of course, each month the Carnival also gets plenty of great submissions in the regular categories, so please take a few moments to enjoy these as well!
Advocacy and Awareness:
Cornut32 added a post with a link to an article talking about protecting LDS church members from abuse, titled Sisters Speak: Teaching about Sexual Abuse. In it she shares the comment she made on the article about ways to teach church members about the topic. Good lessons for us all to keep in mind!
In the News:
Morrigan wrote back in Dec. about the ongoing scandals in the Catholic Church in Ireland sharing thoughts on what is going on there in Bad Apples or a Bad Barrel? Sexual Abuse and the Irish Catholic Church.
Poetry:
As far as Survivor Poetry goes this month, we had two folks send in some of their work. Robert shared a couple of haikus, every night freight trains and we turn.
Meanwhile, Rick Belden added One Day.
Survivor Stories:
Had a few folks submit stories, including at least one newcomer to the Carnival!
Growing Up Broken shared how far she has come in Looking Over your Shoulder. Good for you!
Achieving Peace sent in Surviving, Conquering and Forgiving -My Story
And, Ligeia, who learned about the Carnival recently over on the Survivors Network made her first entry into the wonderful community that has built up around this monthly carnival, What’s in a Name?
Healing and Therapy:
Saving the best, or at least most popular, category for last this month, we had a number of entries in the area of healing and therapy.
Dr. Kathleen Young contributed her thoughts in What’s Love got to Do with It? Self-love and Healing!
Patricia Singleton wrote something very similar to Dr. Young, almost creating a mini-theme for this month, in Loving Yourself First is Being Real. She also sent in a second post in this category, about Fear, which has some good information about learning to admit and acknowledge the things we fear.
Paul also added a second entry to this month’s Carnival in this category, Dissociative Identities and Healing, proving that there’s usually more than one good thing to be added to any Carnival, a note I will surely make to myself! 
Lastly, but certainly not least, Mia sent in an educational article, about Color Therapy. Even though the blog isn’t a Survivor blog per se, I still found the 30 Things You Should Know about the Psychology of Color to be quite interesting, and you might too!
So that’s it! Just 18 entries this month, but all well worth taking a few moments to read! Thanks to everyone for the great writing they have submitted, and thanks to Marj for allowing me the honor to highlight just a small taste of the many great blogs written by and for curvivors out there! I hope you enjoy, and have found a new voice or two to read. I also hope that you will consider submitting your own articles for next month’s Carnival, and will continue to support this wonderful endeavor with your posts well in to the future!
It’s up over at Picture of Experence today, in time for the Father’s Day weekend. When I first saw that she was planning tthis edition in connection with Father’s Day, I had planned on writing up something here, but as the deadline approached, I realized that I just didn’t have anything. Father’s Day really means little to me, and maybe that should be a blog post in itself, but even then, there’s no big drama attached to it, I just don’t really think anything about the day.
So, between that, and the lack of time I’ve had to write much here, I don’t have anything included in this edition. Hopefully next month. We’ll see how much time I spend writing on the laptop, it’s tough to do when the early summer weather is here. I can tell from the lack of activity on the Survivor Network that I’m not the only one finding myself occupied with other things lately.
Anyway, go check out the blog carnival, and let those folks know they do a great job!
Wow, what great response for April’s edition! Between the new submissions and the folks who had submitted posts past the March deadline, we have over 30 posts for you all to peruse, chock full of insight, emotion, sharing, ideas, and many other things! With so many submissions, let’s get right into them!
First, a few posts directly related to our theme for this month, rebirth and renewal
Patricia Singleton shares with us that Incest Is One Of My Stories including some details about that being the Winter of her life and looking forward to the Spring.
Nancy Richards wrote early in the month of April, explaining how Sometimes, We Must Die to the Old to be Born to the New.
Leah posted a short, but sweet, thought about Passover – a Time of Renewal and how paying attention to her inner self has brought peace.
Enola shared a music video, lyrics and her own thoughts with Free to be Me – A Re-birth of Sorts.
Lastly, I reached way back into 1998 to discover something I had written about a new day starting at Midnight.
Advocacy & Awareness
Noe submitted a post called Difficult Child or Difficult Parent? adding “Difficult parents with way too big expectations from their children – another reason for child abuse”
Cornnut32 shared information in the wake of the school shooting in Germany in Info that could save you life, or the lives of your children.
Speaking of schools, in a completely unrelated context, Diane Beeler talks about Kids in School: Getting an Education Plus a Beating.
While we’re talking about discipline, Ian Peatey also submitted an article for parents from the Quantum Learning blog, When Smacking Seems the Only Option.
Concerning Kids sent us some great information on How to Handle a School Yard Bully as well as advice for dealing with picky eaters, which I know my parents could have used!
Kate Beem started out Child Abuse Awareness Month asking What will you do to help prevent child abuse?
Also on the topic of Child Abuse Awareness Month, rollyocampo sent in
April is National Child Abuse Awareness Month (Families and Communities United in Fighting a Menace That Knows No Borders) adding that it was a “real privilege to make this submission to the carnival against child abuse. Thanks for the opportunity!” The thanks should, of course, go to Marj, who started this whole thing!
Speaking of Marj, she sent in her own post, complete with a poem commemorating this month being Child Abuse Prevention month, and National Poetry Month, titled Oh The Discomfort of Child Abuse.
Nancy sent a second entry titled Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships full of all sorts of good relationship information for survivors, and anyone else!
Abyss2hope adds this to her submission “I debunk a common excuse for the criminal justice system’s failures related to survivors.”, which she does with If Rape Victims Are Only Witnesses Then Murder Victims Are Only Forensic Evidence
Maryanncp reminded us back on March 27 of an often overlooked area of child abuse, Today is International Free the Slaves Awareness Day
Speaking of overlooked areas, Filipinamom writes to remind us of the Many Faces of Child Abuse.
Aftermath
Saving Grace wrote eloquently about the aftermath of abuse in her post Gates of Hell
Healing & Therapy
Kellevision sent in a post written last year about Remembering Sexual Abuse which gives some examples of when adults are more likely to remember the things they’ve buried deep in the past.
Dr. Deb reminds us that In Treatment is back with new episodes on HBO, as a psychologist specializing in trauma and depression, and a fan of the show, I’m going to guess she feels that it’s a very realistic portrayal of therapy.
Tamara has begun a series on Chakra on her blog, and sent in her explanation of how the First Chakra is Effected by Trauma and Abuse
Cornnut32 is back a second time, sharing her own thoughts on healing our battered lives with Touch of the Master’s Hand.
Buffalopine talks about the “dance of healing” in It’s a Dance.
April Optimist tells us “When we challenge our assumptions and rewrite the stories we tell ourselves we have, in a sense, a chance to be reborn with new possibilities for who we can be and what our lives can be like.” Take a look at what she says about Assumptions.
Poetry
Rainbow submitted a poem dedicated to this month’s theme, Renewal of Life, which is a beautiful title on and of itself!
Rick Belden sent us a poem for April, simply titled easter
Austin wrote some intriguing verse as well, A Light Left On
Jumping in Puddles was rather prolific, sending in two poems, Invisible Child and Sold. Be warned that they can be triggering.
Survivor Stories
A brand new Blogger, Broken, sent in her first post Through The Darkness, go and check out her blog and welcome her to the blogosphere!
SwordDanceWarrior sent in a post talking about her thoughts after a women’s spirituality conference in Maiden Revisited.
Finally, Colleen sent in a great story, Someone Listens to My Story.
Whew! That took some effort to get posted, but you won’t hear any complaints from me about that. I love having this many entries to read, ponder, and ultimately share with the community! Looking forward to next month already!
(ed. note: Another in the long line of reviews from our English correspondent, and erstwhile bookworm. As always, if you’re interested in submitting your own review for the other readers, feel free to drop me an email. I couldn’t possibly find time to read all these books myself!)
The Seduction of Children by Christiane Sanderson is a reference book aimed at parents, teachers and others with a childcare angle to their life, with a mission to arm them with the knowledge that will better protect children from abuse.
It starts well by busting established myths on the subject and replacing them with the most recent research on the realities up to the book’s 2004 publication date.
It’s not an easy or fast read, especially not for survivors who may find themselves either unhappy about being identified in the list of symptoms and behaviours listed in later chapters. From my point of view, since it pointed to my past and issues which had already been processed through therapy it wasn’t overly upsetting to see it confirmed by at least one more professional.
What really detracts from the book is the repetition of certain points towards the end which end up as padding, we’re hardly likely to forget how many people are left to investigate from the UK’s largest anti-paedophile operation up to 2004, so why tell us twice, and underline the fact that it’s underfunded, three times? Twice the author states that she does not wish to demonise paedophiles, when the correct point to make is that she does not have to – society will do that for her. Repeating that point and the one about the community having to take as much responsibility for the perpetrators of abuse as the victims will also be an irritant to the survivor/client (or it was to me anyway). It ends with the call/wish for children to have the right to live in a world free from exploitation. On one hand after such a grueling read you understand Sanderson wanting to end the book on a more positive note, but a survivor will shrug their shoulders knowing their reality.
Preaching aside, the book is useful to read at least to see the kind of external view that might have been formed about you as a male survivor in this decade. Do what I did though and get this book out of the library, the same publisher has launched a book specifically regarding adult male survivors and that would probably be worth buying if you fall into that category. This book’s better for reminding you how far you’ve come or how much further you have to go if you’re in therapy at present. It will challenge you and it won’t be a flick-read, some you’ll identify and agree with, the rest will make you question your own views or plain irritate you, but give it a try for free from your library unless you have free access to it by working in education.
Tamara put it better than I ever could, but I wanted to echo her thoughts on how much it means to have fellow survivors involved in this site, and their own sites, sharing their stories, and generally making all of us survivors feel a little less alone in our journey.
I don’t often find the time to get around and comment on as many survivor blogs as I should, but I do want to take the time to let many of you know that I do follow along and you are in my thoughts. We’re in this together, and we will survive.
Over at Psych Central they’ve launched a new blog, devoted to Bipolar disorder. I don’t suffer from bipolar disorder myself, but I know many of you do, and a quick look at the new site gives me the impression that it’s going to be quite good. I’m sure it’ll be just as informative and educational as the current one over on the Psych Central site. I’d definitely recommend stopping by, or subscribing to Bipolar Beat.
Also, keep an eye on the Psych Central blog as they have other plans:
Don’t have bipolar? We plan on launching additional topical blogs in the weeks to come, including blogs on depression and ADHD.
Psych Central today mentioned a Men’s Health article written by Adam Duritz, of Counting Crows fame. It caught my eye because, in it, Adam talks about his struggles with dissociation, something that I have had problems with in the past, and something I don’t tend to see written about very often, outside of the more obvious cases of multiple personality disorder. (Which is a form of dissociative disorder, but one on the far end of the spectrum that starts with simple things like highway hypnosis)
I was glad to see someone writing about something that was very similar to what I experienced, shutting down during difficult or stressful times:
This was not depression. This was not workaholism. I have a fairly severe mental illness that makes it hard to do my job — in fact, makes me totally ill suited for my job. I have a form of dissociative disorder that makes the world seem like it’s not real, as if things aren’t taking place. It’s hard to explain, but you feel untethered.
I agree, it is hard to explain. If you’ve never felt like this, I’ve always described it as the difference between something happening to you, and watching it happen on TV to someone else. When you have this disorder, you don’t see any difference between those two things.
Thank you Adam, for having the courage to talk about it publicly!
(ed. Another review from our English friend, who adds: you can still read the intro on Amazon’s British site, don’t know if the American side has the same;
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Altar-Story-Homosexual-Catholic-church/dp/1844880397/ref=pd_ys_iyr3)
Though we’ve read and watched a lot of newspaper and documentary reports on the subject, I find it hard to relate to religiously organised, systematic child abuse as happened in the Catholic Church in either Ireland or elsewhere in the world, if that wasn’t the specific circumstance of your abuse then it takes books like these to even give you an idea.
However that does not limit the book’s potential audience at all, giving a firsthand victim’s-eye view of what such abuse can do to a previously solid and unquestioning faith. What Altar Boy does show is that the indecent assault end of the abuse spectrum can become just as damaging as the more extreme kind as depicted in Cry Silent Tears by Jo Peters.
However, Madden didn’t let himself remain a victim, the book depicts his taking on the Church with the help of the media including The British Sunday Times newspaper but, once the legal action was done, we also read of the process by which he got back on with life afterwards, mistakes included.
He’s also upfront about the effects of abuse with regard to his own use of alcohol and trying his best to hold together his relationship(s). He explains his feelings as a child at the time with no self-pity and how his relationship(s) turn out is a grace of god issue, in that we couldn’t really judge what we would do under the same circumstances.
There is no fairytale ending, just pragmatism about getting on with life. The book is short and sweet (212 paperback pages) from this respect. Altar Boy is another abuse memoir where the kid on the cover is the author as a child, rather than a model and even though it’s five years old, it remains as relevant in the face of the change of Pope and the Church’s own efforts to be just a little more open on the issue (whatever you think of their efforts so far).
So it keeps selling, despite newer memoirs on the market, because it’s still relevant. Certainly give it a look in your library at the very least, because Penguin gave it the worldwide promotional treatment from launch
(ed. Our intrepid Brit book reviewer has been busy, sending me a couple of book reviews for the site this week. This is the first, I’ll post the second within the next few days. As always, if you’re interested in submitting a similar review, drop me a line.)
Andrew Crofts has helped another Brit male abuse survivor, Joe Peters, complete his first memoir, Cry Silent Tears. It’s taking nothing away from the power of Peters’ story that Crofts has turned Peters’ words into another book which can be speed-read in three hours, or taken section by section – I read its 300 hardback pages overnight and it’s as page-turning a read as Tears Before Bedtime.
Peters’ history starts with the background to his family which he believes points to much of his childhood thereafter. We read of the loss of his father as witnessed at five years old which would be a heavy trauma for any child, in fact he was struck dumb and eventually needed speech therapy to begin talking again. However, the bereavement marked the resumption of physical violence from his mother throughout his childhood and also the start of a catalogue of sexual abuse from his de facto stepfather, two siblings and a succession of other pedophiles, some known to the family and others, at the height of his abuse, in an organized child porn ring.
When told about a child condemned to living in a cellar for being perceived as different (or the runt), modern people of all ages will have only read about that as the start of a Harry Potter book or classic fairytale. For Joe Peters it was the very bleak, unrelenting, nightmarish, real thing. His only elder sibling at the time who wasn’t abusive, still let Joe down in other ways when he needed him most. Further losses and abandonment of early relationships happen through the transfer of schools and the 1980s UK social care system. Childline helped him though only in a roundabout way, the care did not continue consistently or with any insight into the needs of a teenage male abuse victim.
What you read about Peters’ mother and her treatment of the abuse as a business stays in the mind for a long time, even despite the fact that Joe Peters survived and thrived to forge a happy adult life. The book ends abruptly in adolescence, pointing the way to the second book which he is currently writing. Since it’s important to know the steps taken to recover, I’ll definitely purchase the follow-up when it arrives.
The website for the book outlines the work by and for survivors which he is currently in the process of setting up and that can be found at http://www.crysilenttears.co.uk
( OR http://www.freewebs.com/crysilenttears/ as a direct link if it doesn’t auto forward. The site links to a free sample of the introduction to the book on the publisher’s website.)
News and Reviews
