Child Abuse Survivor

I came across this blog post the other day, entitled 12 Things Successful People Do Differently, and it occurred to me that many of the traits set out in the article also serve as good advice for survivors going through recovery.

Think about your own recovery and see how some of these apply:

• They create and pursue S.M.A.R.T. goals

• They work outside of their comfort zone.

• They focus on making small, continuous improvements.

• They maintain a positive outlook as they learn from their mistakes.

• They spend time with the right people.

• They maintain balance in their life.

As I look back on the years I spent in therapy and trying to rebuild my life as an adult, I can not only see where these things were useful, I can see even more how much not doing some of these things set me back. Not maintaining a positive outlook, partially created by surrounding myself with negative people, can do real damage to you as you heal, not to mention trying to do too much, or trying to do things that are impossible.

Take a look at the whole article, and despite the fact that it’s not focused on healing, think about how some of these skills are actually quite transferable. Then, figure out ways you can incorporate some of them into your healing. I think you’ll be glad you did!

I’ve been approached by a fellow survivor who is writing a book. They’ve gotten through Part 1 and really want to be able to share what they have so far with some kindred spirits, folks who are embracing healing from abuse and attempting to turn their adult lives into something positive. Basically, they would like some feedback on what is right now just a rough draft, really rough from what I’ve been told, to know whether what they are writing is on the right track, and would do some good out in the world. Unfortunately, due to a backlog of requests to do reviews, and a general time crunch for me professionally, I had to turn this down, at least for now. If you would be interested in providing some feedback to a survivor/author just starting out, leave a comment and include your email address in the comment form. Don’t worry, no one but me sees the email address that is entered in the form, but I will pass your address along to our aspiring author!

Ken from NursingSchools.net was kind enough to send me an email informing me that this blog was included in their 40 Excellent Blogs for PTSD Support.

I’m touched that they thought this little blog of mine was worthy of being included, and I highly encourage you to go take a look at he whole list. Some of them are folks that I’ve read before, but quite a few are new to me. I’m looking forward to reading them as well!

Thanks Ken!

I guess it’s only appropriate that Pysch Central launch a blog named Managing Depression Skillfully on National Depression Screening Day, eh?

Actually, I think it will be quite an interesting look at dealing with depression, and recognizing all the things in our lives that contribute to, as opposed to helping with, depression. If nothing else, it will certainly give those of us who have, or are currently suffering from depression something to think about.

Lots going on this weekend in the online survivor community. If you’re not out enjoying the weather, or watching some football, there’s plenty of good stuff to read and think about.

First up, Dan has the Inner Child Edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse up. There’s quite a bit of good stuff linked over there!

Also, this morning, Meggs posted a collection of answers from male survivors to this question:

If you could give just one piece of advice to the spouse/partner/friend/family member who wants to support you, what would it be?

I was one of the male survivors she approached about it, and it was good for me to stop and think about that for a moment. I get emails from spouses/girlfriends/parents quite frequently about how to support a male survivor, and while there is a lot of specific advice I try to give based on the information in their emails, it’s good to think about what the big, important, areas are. It also helped to know I wouldn’t be the only one answering, so I challenged myself to come up with something original too. I like the combination of answers Meggs has.

It’s up over at From Tracie’s blog. She’s chosen the “hope and Joy” theme for this month, very similar to my brief post earlier this week about the importance of fun! (Which I did submit, but seems like it got lost somewhere in the submission process. Oh well, it happens, I’ll just submit it again next month.

Anyway, go check out all the good posts in this month’s carnival!

Wow, that turned unto quite a long title, didn’t it?

Anyway, this months edition didn’t see the same number of entries that recent editions have, probably owing to the weather getting a bit nicer and people spending a bit more time away from their computers I’d guess. However, don’t let the number fool you, there is, as always, some excellent stuff in here!

As you know, with this month being the month St. Patrick’s Day falls, and your host having quite a bit of Irish blood flowing in his veins, I wanted to focus on the way I view my Irish heritage. I’ve always considered the Irish to be a people that managed to live through their suffering by always looking forward, always willing to enjoy what they have to look forward to, and apply that to survivors. To me, having the ability to enjoy the little things in life, and having positive things to look forward to is a real key to healing, and I shared my own thoughts on the matter through the words of my grandmother in the post Family Wisdom.

Katie picked up on the theme and submitted an article she had actually written in Feb. (She was ahead of the game!) called What Makes you Happy?

Marj was also ahead of the game, submitting a post from July, 2009 entitled Helping Your Inner Child Help You along with this explanation:

I’m submitting this post for our “Surviving with Joy” theme because working with my inner child during my recovery has provided me with many little moments of joy.

Meanwhile, Issue Knitting also picked up on the theme and submitted Finding Joy, which literally made me smile as I read it!

Lastly, Paul took an interesting twist on my Irish Heritage theme, and talked about the Irish Famine Memorial in Boston, and how he relates to the struggle and the need to continue marching forward! How true, Paul!

Of course, each month the Carnival also gets plenty of great submissions in the regular categories, so please take a few moments to enjoy these as well!

Advocacy and Awareness:

Cornut32 added a post with a link to an article talking about protecting LDS church members from abuse, titled Sisters Speak: Teaching about Sexual Abuse. In it she shares the comment she made on the article about ways to teach church members about the topic. Good lessons for us all to keep in mind!

In the News:

Morrigan wrote back in Dec. about the ongoing scandals in the Catholic Church in Ireland sharing thoughts on what is going on there in Bad Apples or a Bad Barrel? Sexual Abuse and the Irish Catholic Church.

Poetry:

As far as Survivor Poetry goes this month, we had two folks send in some of their work. Robert shared a couple of haikus, every night freight trains and we turn.

Meanwhile, Rick Belden added One Day.

Survivor Stories:

Had a few folks submit stories, including at least one newcomer to the Carnival!

Growing Up Broken shared how far she has come in Looking Over your Shoulder. Good for you!

Achieving Peace sent in Surviving, Conquering and Forgiving -My Story

And, Ligeia, who learned about the Carnival recently over on the Survivors Network made her first entry into the wonderful community that has built up around this monthly carnival, What’s in a Name?

Healing and Therapy:

Saving the best, or at least most popular, category for last this month, we had a number of entries in the area of healing and therapy.

Dr. Kathleen Young contributed her thoughts in What’s Love got to Do with It? Self-love and Healing!

Patricia Singleton wrote something very similar to Dr. Young, almost creating a mini-theme for this month, in Loving Yourself First is Being Real. She also sent in a second post in this category, about Fear, which has some good information about learning to admit and acknowledge the things we fear.

Paul also added a second entry to this month’s Carnival in this category, Dissociative Identities and Healing, proving that there’s usually more than one good thing to be added to any Carnival, a note I will surely make to myself!

Lastly, but certainly not least, Mia sent in an educational article, about Color Therapy. Even though the blog isn’t a Survivor blog per se, I still found the 30 Things You Should Know about the Psychology of Color to be quite interesting, and you might too!

So that’s it! Just 18 entries this month, but all well worth taking a few moments to read! Thanks to everyone for the great writing they have submitted, and thanks to Marj for allowing me the honor to highlight just a small taste of the many great blogs written by and for curvivors out there! I hope you enjoy, and have found a new voice or two to read. I also hope that you will consider submitting your own articles for next month’s Carnival, and will continue to support this wonderful endeavor with your posts well in to the future!

It’s up over at Picture of Experence today, in time for the Father’s Day weekend. When I first saw that she was planning tthis edition in connection with Father’s Day, I had planned on writing up something here, but as the deadline approached, I realized that I just didn’t have anything. Father’s Day really means little to me, and maybe that should be a blog post in itself, but even then, there’s no big drama attached to it, I just don’t really think anything about the day.

So, between that, and the lack of time I’ve had to write much here, I don’t have anything included in this edition. Hopefully next month. We’ll see how much time I spend writing on the laptop, it’s tough to do when the early summer weather is here. I can tell from the lack of activity on the Survivor Network that I’m not the only one finding myself occupied with other things lately.

Anyway, go check out the blog carnival, and let those folks know they do a great job!

Wow, what great response for April’s edition! Between the new submissions and the folks who had submitted posts past the March deadline, we have over 30 posts for you all to peruse, chock full of insight, emotion, sharing,  ideas, and many other things! With so many submissions, let’s get right into them!

First, a few posts directly related to our theme for this month, rebirth and renewal

Patricia Singleton shares with us that Incest Is One Of My Stories including some details about that being the Winter of her life and looking forward to the Spring.

Nancy Richards wrote early in the month of April, explaining how Sometimes, We Must Die to the Old to be Born to the New.

Leah posted a short, but sweet, thought about Passover – a Time of Renewal and how paying attention to her inner self has brought peace.

Enola shared a music video, lyrics and her own thoughts with Free to be Me – A Re-birth of Sorts.

Lastly, I reached way back into 1998 to discover something I had written about a new day starting at Midnight.

Advocacy & Awareness

Noe submitted a post called Difficult Child or Difficult Parent? adding “Difficult parents with way too big expectations from their children – another reason for child abuse”

Cornnut32 shared information in the wake of the school shooting in Germany in Info that could save you life, or the lives of your children.

Speaking of schools, in a completely unrelated context, Diane Beeler talks about Kids in School: Getting an Education Plus a Beating.

While we’re talking about discipline, Ian Peatey also submitted an article for parents from the Quantum Learning blog, When Smacking Seems the Only Option.

Concerning Kids sent us some great information on How to Handle a School Yard Bully as well as advice for dealing with picky eaters, which I know my parents could have used!

Kate Beem started out Child Abuse Awareness Month asking What will you do to help prevent child abuse?

Also on the topic of Child Abuse Awareness Month, rollyocampo sent in
April is National Child Abuse Awareness Month (Families and Communities United in Fighting a Menace That Knows No Borders) adding that it was a “real privilege to make this submission to the carnival against child abuse. Thanks for the opportunity!” The thanks should, of course, go to Marj, who started this whole thing!

Speaking of Marj, she sent in her own post, complete with a poem commemorating this month being Child Abuse Prevention month, and National Poetry Month, titled Oh The Discomfort of Child Abuse.
Nancy sent a second entry titled Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships full of all sorts of good relationship information for survivors, and anyone else!

Abyss2hope adds this to her submission “I debunk a common excuse for the criminal justice system’s failures related to survivors.”, which she does with If Rape Victims Are Only Witnesses Then Murder Victims Are Only Forensic Evidence

Maryanncp reminded us back on March 27 of an often overlooked area of child abuse, Today is International Free the Slaves Awareness Day

Speaking of overlooked areas, Filipinamom writes to remind us of the Many Faces of Child Abuse.
Aftermath

Saving Grace wrote eloquently about the aftermath of abuse in her post Gates of Hell

Healing & Therapy

Kellevision sent in a post written last year about Remembering Sexual Abuse which gives some examples of when adults are more likely to remember the things they’ve buried deep in the past.

Dr. Deb reminds us that In Treatment is back with new episodes on HBO, as a psychologist specializing in trauma and depression, and a fan of the show, I’m going to guess she feels that it’s a very realistic portrayal of therapy.

Tamara has begun a series on Chakra on her blog, and sent in her explanation of how the First Chakra is Effected by Trauma and Abuse

Cornnut32 is back a second time, sharing her own thoughts on healing our battered lives with Touch of the Master’s Hand.

Buffalopine talks about the “dance of healing” in It’s a Dance.

April Optimist tells us “When we challenge our assumptions and rewrite the stories we tell ourselves we have, in a sense, a chance to be reborn with new possibilities for who we can be and what our lives can be like.” Take a look at what she says about Assumptions.

Poetry

Rainbow submitted a poem dedicated to this month’s theme, Renewal of Life, which is a beautiful title on and of itself!

Rick Belden sent us a poem for April, simply titled easter

Austin wrote some intriguing verse as well, A Light Left On

Jumping in Puddles was rather prolific, sending in two poems, Invisible Child and Sold. Be warned that they can be triggering.

Survivor Stories

A brand new Blogger, Broken, sent in her first post Through The Darkness, go and check out her blog and welcome her to the blogosphere!

SwordDanceWarrior sent in a post talking about her thoughts after a women’s spirituality conference in Maiden Revisited.

Finally, Colleen sent in a great story, Someone Listens to My Story.

Whew! That took some effort to get posted, but you won’t hear any complaints from me about that. I love having this many entries to read, ponder, and ultimately share with the community! Looking forward to next month already!

(ed. note: Another in the long line of reviews from our English correspondent, and erstwhile bookworm. As always, if you’re interested in submitting your own review for the other readers, feel free to drop me an email. I couldn’t possibly find time to read all these books myself!)

The Seduction of Children by Christiane Sanderson is a reference book aimed at parents, teachers and others with a childcare angle to their life, with a mission to arm them with the knowledge that will better protect children from abuse.

It starts well by busting established myths on the subject and replacing them with the most recent research on the realities up to the book’s 2004 publication date.

It’s not an easy or fast read, especially not for survivors who may find themselves either unhappy about being identified in the list of symptoms and behaviours listed in later chapters. From my point of view, since it pointed to my past and issues which had already been processed through therapy it wasn’t overly upsetting to see it confirmed by at least one more professional.

What really detracts from the book is the repetition of certain points towards the end which end up as padding, we’re hardly likely to forget how many people are left to investigate from the UK’s largest anti-paedophile operation up to 2004, so why tell us twice, and underline the fact that it’s underfunded, three times? Twice the author states that she does not wish to demonise paedophiles, when the correct point to make is that she does not have to – society will do that for her. Repeating that point and the one about the community having to take as much responsibility for the perpetrators of abuse as the victims will also be an irritant to the survivor/client (or it was to me anyway). It ends with the call/wish for children to have the right to live in a world free from exploitation. On one hand after such a grueling read you understand Sanderson wanting to end the book on a more positive note, but a survivor will shrug their shoulders knowing their reality.

Preaching aside, the book is useful to read at least to see the kind of external view that might have been formed about you as a male survivor in this decade. Do what I did though and get this book out of the library, the same publisher has launched a book specifically regarding adult male survivors and that would probably be worth buying if you fall into that category. This book’s better for reminding you how far you’ve come or how much further you have to go if you’re in therapy at present. It will challenge you and it won’t be a flick-read, some you’ll identify and agree with, the rest will make you question your own views or plain irritate you, but give it a try for free from your library unless you have free access to it by working in education.