Child Abuse Survivor

This has been a common refrain with the economy lately, and frankly, it’s pretty good career advice any time! Regardless of what else may be going on, and what other pressures you may face, make career decisions based on what you need to do and what will benefit you and your family, not anyone else. I’m beginning to see that it applies to survivors as well, though. A couple of recent discussions over at the Survivor Network, and offline with friends have convinced me of this.

When I saw that the theme for this months Blog Carnival was “telling the secret“, I knew exactly where this fit in. Telling your story, whether in a public forum like this one, or privately to a close friend, should always be about doing what you need to do, for yourself. As I consider the decision, way back when, to start this blog, or even the decisions I make about who I share my story with, I always come back to the same reasons. Obviously, much of my motivation for starting here was to help other survivors not to feel as alone as I did, but there was also another issue. If it wasn’t going to be safe, and healthy, for me I would not be here. As much as I wanted to help others, it had to also be the right decision for me, and it has to continue to be the right decision for me.

So far, I still think this continues to be the right thing, for me. I don’t really see where that would change, but it is certainly possible. Things change, and I am sure there are some possibilities out there that I haven’t even comprehended yet. I know many folks have quit blogging, and stopped being so public with their stories because of who has read them and the reactions they’ve had to it. I know others who simply couldn’t cope with learning about other survivors and their stories, becoming engulfed in the survivor community and unable to get outside of it. It happens, and they have made their choices based on what was right for them. As much as I enjoy this blog, and love running the Survivor Network, I know that it’s not for everyone. I know there are hard decisions that have to be made, and there are risks. I’ve accepted those risks, and decided to not allow how other people may perceive this site to dictate whether I do it or not. Not everyone can, or should, do the same.

The important thing, though, no matter how you decide to tell your secret, is that you do so in the way you need to. If that’s to one friend, or only a spouse, so be it. If it’s to a group, or to the world through a blog, great! No one else should decide for you, or influence your decision to tell your story. It is your story, and it is your life. It belongs to you alone, and should be told however you want. We are not children anymore, we’re adults and we make our own choices, choose what is best for you, and do what you gotta do, for yourself.

Going to the doctor. I hate it. I’ll do just about anything to avoid it. Especially if I’m going to have tests done. Tests that might tell me that there’s somthing wrong, etc.

So a few weeks agao, after having pain in my knee for a couple of weeks, I went to find out why. Turned out to be a small case of tendonitis. No big deal. But while I was there we talked about the fact that I turned 40 over the Summer, and that it was time to think about having tests for diabetes, cholesterol, etc.

Monday was the return visit to draw blood. I really don’t enjoy that. *L*

In the mean time, I waited for the results. I wasn’t really nervous, but as any survivor will tell you, waiting for results with no ability to do anything about it, sucks. It’s not one of our strong suits. Neither is convincing yourself to not worry. I worried a little bit, and the longer I waited, the more I worried. This is why I don’t go to doctors. Part of me would rather just not know.

As it turns out, the tests came back fine, and there’s nothing to worry about. The doctor wants me to lose some weight, which is no real surprise, and with my wife’s help, that’s the goal for now. I’ll get more details on the exact results in the mail soon.

So, I guess I worried about nothing, but I bet the next time, I still worry just as much. It’s my nature.

Earlier this week I headed to my doctor’s office, slight case of tendonitis in my knee, and had a lengthy discussion about what health screenings and tests we would need to run now that I’ve turned 40. I go back for those in a few weeks, but of course, much of the discussion was about the need to lose some weight. I have a family history of heart disease and diabetes. Being overweight increases the already high risk for those things that I have.

I’m definitely feeling a need to change my balance a bit, to pay a bit more attention to my health, my diet, and other habits. Obviously, that doesn’t mean I should stop paying attention to all the other things around me, but sometimes, you have to do what you have to do for yourself. This is a great example.

I have to do a better job of taking care of myself physically. I’m hopeful that won’t intefere with the other areas of my life, but it will be a challenge. I’m not really used to paying that much attention to that aea of my life, but it’s time to do that.