{"id":10933,"date":"2021-08-23T08:33:04","date_gmt":"2021-08-23T15:33:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/?p=10933"},"modified":"2024-08-19T20:08:01","modified_gmt":"2024-08-20T01:08:01","slug":"how-we-talk-to-ourselves-matters","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/2021\/08\/23\/how-we-talk-to-ourselves-matters\/","title":{"rendered":"How We Talk to Ourselves Matters"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[{&quot;id&quot;:620,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/www.psychologytoday.com\\\/us\\\/blog\\\/platform-success\\\/202108\\\/how-have-better-conversations-yourself&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/www.psychologytoday.com\\\/us\\\/blog\\\/platform-for-success\\\/202108\\\/how-to-have-better-conversations-with-yourself&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:null,&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;}]'><\/div>\n<p>I&#8217;m sure somewhere online, you&#8217;ve seen a mental health advocate talk about self-talk. About how the things we say to ourselves, about ourselves, we would never say, or even think about, a friend.<\/p>\n<p>This is true. But what does that look like in practice?<\/p>\n<p>I came across an interesting article that tries to answer that question and also provides some of the research behind that idea.<\/p>\n<p class=\"blog-entry__title--full\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/platform-success\/202108\/how-have-better-conversations-yourself\">How to Have Better Conversations with Yourself<\/a><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Ethan and his colleagues have been conducting research on self-distancing conversation and comparing it to self-immersion conversations. In self-immersion conversations, the words \u201cI\u201d and \u201cme\u201d are frequently used. Self-distancing, on the other hand, involves imagining oneself having a quiet conversation with a third party who calls you by your first name.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>As you read the rest of the article, you&#8217;ll see how self-distancing conversations look much more like those with friends I referenced earlier. Getting away from all of the &#8220;I&#8221; and &#8220;me&#8221; and fairly judging the situation quietly and calmly as if it were happening to someone else can put it into a perspective that we sometimes lose when thinking of ourselves, especially those of us who struggle with self-blame. Of course, then that self-blame turns to rumination, which feeds into depression, and round and round we go.<\/p>\n<p>There is a better way, and the examples can help if we are willing to practice them. I especially like the idea of reminding ourselves that we&#8217;ve already been through tougher and more stressful situations and come out the other side.<\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s a powerful reminder for survivors. We have been through worse and come out the other side.<\/p>\n<div class=\"syndication-links\"><span class=\"syn-text\">Also on:<\/span><ul class=\"relsyn\"><li><a aria-label=\"facebook\" class=\"u-syndication syn-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/219569363651\/posts\/487563339860302\"> <span class=\"syndication-link-icon svg-facebook\" style=\"display: inline-block; max-width: 1rem; margin: 2px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\" aria-label=\"Facebook\" title=\"Facebook\" ><svg role=\"img\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><title>Facebook<\/title><path d=\"M9.101 23.691v-7.98H6.627v-3.667h2.474v-1.58c0-4.085 1.848-5.978 5.858-5.978.401 0 .955.042 1.468.103a8.68 8.68 0 0 1 1.141.195v3.325a8.623 8.623 0 0 0-.653-.036 26.805 26.805 0 0 0-.733-.009c-.707 0-1.259.096-1.675.309a1.686 1.686 0 0 0-.679.622c-.258.42-.374.995-.374 1.752v1.297h3.919l-.386 2.103-.287 1.564h-3.246v8.245C19.396 23.238 24 18.179 24 12.044c0-6.627-5.373-12-12-12s-12 5.373-12 12c0 5.628 3.874 10.35 9.101 11.647Z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li><li><a aria-label=\"flipboard\" class=\"u-syndication syn-link\" href=\"https:\/\/flipboard.com\/@mikemac29\/child-abuse-survivors-8o2743fsz\"> <span class=\"syndication-link-icon svg-flipboard\" style=\"display: inline-block; max-width: 1rem; margin: 2px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\" aria-label=\"Flipboard\" title=\"Flipboard\" ><svg role=\"img\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><title>Flipboard<\/title><path d=\"M0 0v24h24V0H0zm19.2 9.6h-4.8v4.8H9.6v4.8H4.8V4.8h14.4v4.8z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li><li><a aria-label=\"x\" class=\"u-syndication syn-link\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/CA_Survivor\/status\/1562168141823762437\"> <span class=\"syndication-link-icon svg-x\" style=\"display: inline-block; max-width: 1rem; margin: 2px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\" aria-label=\"X\" title=\"X\" ><svg role=\"img\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><title>X<\/title><path d=\"M18.901 1.153h3.68l-8.04 9.19L24 22.846h-7.406l-5.8-7.584-6.638 7.584H.474l8.6-9.83L0 1.154h7.594l5.243 6.932ZM17.61 20.644h2.039L6.486 3.24H4.298Z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/div><span class=\"kt-load-after-post\"><\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As you read the rest of the article you&#8217;ll see how self-distancing conversations look a lot more like those conversations with friends I referenced earlier. Getting away from all of the &#8220;I&#8221; and &#8220;me&#8221; and fairly judging the situation quietly and calmly as if it was happening to someone else can put it into a perspective that we sometimes lose when we are thinking of ourselves, especially those of us who struggle with self-blame. Of course, then that self-blame turns to rumination which feeds into depression, and round and round we go.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>There is a better way, and the examples given can help if we are willing to practice them. Especially the idea of reminding ourselves that we&#8217;ve already been through tougher, and more stressful situations and come out the other side.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5413,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"mf2_syndication":[],"_kad_post_transparent":"default","_kad_post_title":"default","_kad_post_layout":"default","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"default","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"default","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"webmentions_disabled_pings":false,"webmentions_disabled":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[16,17,91,38],"class_list":["post-10933","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news","tag-depression","tag-mentalhealth","tag-research","tag-survivors"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How We Talk to Ourselves Matters<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/2021\/08\/23\/how-we-talk-to-ourselves-matters\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How We Talk to Ourselves Matters\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"As you read the rest of the article you&#039;ll see how self-distancing conversations look a lot more like those conversations with friends I referenced earlier. Getting away from all of the &quot;I&quot; and &quot;me&quot; and fairly judging the situation quietly and calmly as if it was happening to someone else can put it into a perspective that we sometimes lose when we are thinking of ourselves, especially those of us who struggle with self-blame. Of course, then that self-blame turns to rumination which feeds into depression, and round and round we go.\u00a0  There is a better way, and the examples given can help if we are willing to practice them. 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