{"id":13444,"date":"2023-07-05T15:31:23","date_gmt":"2023-07-05T22:31:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/?p=13444"},"modified":"2023-07-05T15:22:27","modified_gmt":"2023-07-05T22:22:27","slug":"sharing-pay-attention-to-the-chameleon-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/2023\/07\/05\/sharing-pay-attention-to-the-chameleon-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"Sharing &#8211; Pay attention to the chameleon kids"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[{&quot;id&quot;:300,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/mswjake.substack.com\\\/p\\\/pay-attention-to-the-chameleon-kids&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20230707092039\\\/https:\\\/\\\/mswjake.substack.com\\\/p\\\/pay-attention-to-the-chameleon-kids&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-12-01 06:10:18&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-12-12 05:18:58&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-12-16 16:22:44&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-12-23 15:51:26&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-12-30 11:46:57&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-01-03 19:15:39&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-01-11 11:11:52&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-01-15 19:13:12&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-01-20 03:12:30&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-01-25 01:35:52&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-02-02 23:37:51&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-02-07 02:59:56&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-02-11 09:25:27&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-02-23 03:04:52&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-02-27 02:30:16&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-07 13:26:44&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-14 20:03:40&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-20 11:18:32&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-28 10:00:03&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-07 17:43:52&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-15 15:26:22&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-22 17:59:41&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-29 07:13:43&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-29 07:13:43&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;}]'><\/div>\n<p>Jake&#8217;s description of &#8220;chameleon kids&#8221; sounded a lot like someone who grows up with Alcoholic parents like I did:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>&#8220;When children don\u2019t want to add stress to the family, they may become the good kid, the quiet kid, the calm kid, the nice kid, the helper kid, or the rule-following kid; they become a \u201cchameleon kid.\u201d The chameleon kids are experts at changing who they are to fit their surroundings. They figure out who you need them to be and they become it. Chameleon kids follow the rules, are incredibly empathetic and perceptive, and they are high self-monitors.&#8221;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Jake describes the risk of these kids growing up to be people pleasers. I&#8217;d go one further. Not only did I grow up as a people pleaser, but I also had zero sense of self. Without someone to react to and to become the person they wanted me to be, I was no one. I tell people this often but I spent more time in therapy figuring out who I am than I spent trying to process childhood trauma and that was a direct result of growing up as this chameleon kid. My entire personality was based on fitting what was needed by other people, starting with my alcoholic father and the person who sexually abused me, right through to friends and my first wife. I was what I thought they wanted me to be. When my therapist started asking about what I wanted to be, I was blank. There was nothing there.<\/p>\n<p>Gladly, she helped me create something. I know too many abuse survivors who haven&#8217;t done that yet. They remain in a non-stop loop of creating themselves to meet others&#8217; expectations, or what they perceive those to be. I wish they could recognize this and how to recover from it. If this sounds like you, go read more:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/mswjake.substack.com\/p\/pay-attention-to-the-chameleon-kids\">https:\/\/mswjake.substack.com\/p\/pay-attention-to-the-chameleon-kids<\/a><\/p>\n<div class=\"syndication-links\"><span class=\"syn-text\">Also on:<\/span><ul class=\"relsyn\"><li><a aria-label=\"tumblr\" class=\"u-syndication syn-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tumblr.com\/blog\/view\/t:c4gTZash4jhfc6YyjwLx0A\/722045631655460864\"> <span class=\"syndication-link-icon svg-tumblr\" style=\"display: inline-block; max-width: 1rem; margin: 2px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\" aria-label=\"Tumblr\" title=\"Tumblr\" ><svg role=\"img\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><title>Tumblr<\/title><path d=\"M14.563 24c-5.093 0-7.031-3.756-7.031-6.411V9.747H5.116V6.648c3.63-1.313 4.512-4.596 4.71-6.469C9.84.051 9.941 0 9.999 0h3.517v6.114h4.801v3.633h-4.82v7.47c.016 1.001.375 2.371 2.207 2.371h.09c.631-.02 1.486-.205 1.936-.419l1.156 3.425c-.436.636-2.4 1.374-4.156 1.404h-.178l.011.002z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li><li><a aria-label=\"flipboard\" class=\"u-syndication syn-link\" href=\"https:\/\/flipboard.com\/@mikemac29\/child-abuse-survivors-8o2743fsz\"> <span class=\"syndication-link-icon svg-flipboard\" style=\"display: inline-block; max-width: 1rem; margin: 2px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\" aria-label=\"Flipboard\" title=\"Flipboard\" ><svg role=\"img\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><title>Flipboard<\/title><path d=\"M0 0v24h24V0H0zm19.2 9.6h-4.8v4.8H9.6v4.8H4.8V4.8h14.4v4.8z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li><li><a aria-label=\"facebook\" class=\"u-syndication syn-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/219569363651\/posts\/694773295805971\"> <span class=\"syndication-link-icon svg-facebook\" style=\"display: inline-block; max-width: 1rem; margin: 2px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\" aria-label=\"Facebook\" title=\"Facebook\" ><svg role=\"img\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><title>Facebook<\/title><path d=\"M9.101 23.691v-7.98H6.627v-3.667h2.474v-1.58c0-4.085 1.848-5.978 5.858-5.978.401 0 .955.042 1.468.103a8.68 8.68 0 0 1 1.141.195v3.325a8.623 8.623 0 0 0-.653-.036 26.805 26.805 0 0 0-.733-.009c-.707 0-1.259.096-1.675.309a1.686 1.686 0 0 0-.679.622c-.258.42-.374.995-.374 1.752v1.297h3.919l-.386 2.103-.287 1.564h-3.246v8.245C19.396 23.238 24 18.179 24 12.044c0-6.627-5.373-12-12-12s-12 5.373-12 12c0 5.628 3.874 10.35 9.101 11.647Z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li><li><a aria-label=\"x\" class=\"u-syndication syn-link\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/CA_Survivor\/status\/1719903378166464960\"> <span class=\"syndication-link-icon svg-x\" style=\"display: inline-block; max-width: 1rem; margin: 2px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\" aria-label=\"X\" title=\"X\" ><svg role=\"img\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><title>X<\/title><path d=\"M18.901 1.153h3.68l-8.04 9.19L24 22.846h-7.406l-5.8-7.584-6.638 7.584H.474l8.6-9.83L0 1.154h7.594l5.243 6.932ZM17.61 20.644h2.039L6.486 3.24H4.298Z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/div><span class=\"kt-load-after-post\"><\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>ake describes the risk of these kids growing up to be people pleasers. I&#8217;d go one further. Not only did I grow up as a people pleaser, but I also had zero sense of self. Without someone to react to and to become the person they wanted me to be, I was no one. I tell people this often but I spent more time in therapy figuring out who I am than I spent trying to process childhood trauma and that was a direct result of growing up as this chameleon kid. My entire personality was based on fitting what was needed by other people, starting with my alcoholic father and the person who sexually abused me, right through to friends and my first wife. I was what I thought they wanted me to be. When my therapist started asking about what I wanted to be, I was blank. There was nothing there.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":13453,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"mf2_syndication":[],"_kad_post_transparent":"default","_kad_post_title":"default","_kad_post_layout":"default","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"default","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"default","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"webmentions_disabled_pings":false,"webmentions_disabled":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[37,107,89,38,34,58],"class_list":["post-13444","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-links","tag-abuse","tag-family","tag-stress","tag-survivors","tag-therapy","tag-trauma"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Sharing - Pay attention to the chameleon kids<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/2023\/07\/05\/sharing-pay-attention-to-the-chameleon-kids\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sharing - Pay attention to the chameleon kids\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"ake describes the risk of these kids growing up to be people pleasers. I&#039;d go one further. Not only did I grow up as a people pleaser, but I also had zero sense of self. Without someone to react to and to become the person they wanted me to be, I was no one. I tell people this often but I spent more time in therapy figuring out who I am than I spent trying to process childhood trauma and that was a direct result of growing up as this chameleon kid. My entire personality was based on fitting what was needed by other people, starting with my alcoholic father and the person who sexually abused me, right through to friends and my first wife. I was what I thought they wanted me to be. When my therapist started asking about what I wanted to be, I was blank. There was nothing there.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/2023\/07\/05\/sharing-pay-attention-to-the-chameleon-kids\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Survivors News and Reviews\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/mikemac29\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/mikemac29\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-07-05T22:31:23+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/fig-05-07-2023_22-21-32.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"300\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"MikeM\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@CA_Survivor\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@CA_Survivor\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"MikeM\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\\\/reviews\\\/2023\\\/07\\\/05\\\/sharing-pay-attention-to-the-chameleon-kids\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\\\/reviews\\\/2023\\\/07\\\/05\\\/sharing-pay-attention-to-the-chameleon-kids\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"MikeM\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\\\/reviews\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/dbc4a41a301b6455b3717df14ea3533e\"},\"headline\":\"Sharing &#8211; 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I'd go one further. Not only did I grow up as a people pleaser, but I also had zero sense of self. Without someone to react to and to become the person they wanted me to be, I was no one. I tell people this often but I spent more time in therapy figuring out who I am than I spent trying to process childhood trauma and that was a direct result of growing up as this chameleon kid. My entire personality was based on fitting what was needed by other people, starting with my alcoholic father and the person who sexually abused me, right through to friends and my first wife. I was what I thought they wanted me to be. When my therapist started asking about what I wanted to be, I was blank. 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