{"id":14662,"date":"2024-01-30T07:38:12","date_gmt":"2024-01-30T13:38:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/?p=14662"},"modified":"2024-01-29T20:22:06","modified_gmt":"2024-01-30T02:22:06","slug":"sharing-what-the-most-common-advice-about-grief-gets-so-wrong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/2024\/01\/30\/sharing-what-the-most-common-advice-about-grief-gets-so-wrong\/","title":{"rendered":"Sharing &#8211; What the Most Common Advice About Grief Gets So Wrong"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[{&quot;id&quot;:220,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/www.psychologytoday.com\\\/us\\\/blog\\\/widows-walk\\\/202302\\\/why-you-can-ignore-advice-about-grief&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:null,&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;}]'><\/div>\n<p>Having lived through many instances of deep grief, I agree with this when it comes to offering advice for getting through it.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>I can\u2019t tell you what to do because your grief isn\u2019t my grief and your loss isn\u2019t my loss, and we are two different people with two different experiences of the world, two different relationships with our loved ones, and a million different needs.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Losing someone is a lot like abuse and trauma in this way. Each individual&#8217;s grief or trauma is different in many ways. In my opinion, however, we have one thing in common: a need for space. We need the space to grieve in the way and at a time that works for us. Sometimes, however, people aren&#8217;t comfortable with giving us that space and feel like they need to say or do the thing that is going to help us end our grief.<\/p>\n<p>There&#8217;s nothing you can say that will do that. Let people know that you are there for them, share your memories of the person they&#8217;ve lost, and allow them the space to grieve. That&#8217;s all that is required of you. Fixing someone else&#8217;s grief, just like healing their trauma, isn&#8217;t possible. It&#8217;s not your job. Your job is to keep the space open for them to heal.<\/p>\n<p>Can you keep that space and be uncomfortable with them?<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/widows-walk\/202302\/why-you-can-ignore-advice-about-grief\">https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/widows-walk\/202302\/why-you-can-ignore-advice-about-grief<\/a><\/p>\n<div class=\"syndication-links\"><span class=\"syn-text\">Also on:<\/span><ul class=\"relsyn\"><li><a aria-label=\"flipboard\" class=\"u-syndication syn-link\" href=\"https:\/\/flipboard.com\/@mikemac29\/child-abuse-survivors-8o2743fsz\"> <span class=\"syndication-link-icon svg-flipboard\" style=\"display: inline-block; max-width: 1rem; margin: 2px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\" aria-label=\"Flipboard\" title=\"Flipboard\" ><svg role=\"img\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><title>Flipboard<\/title><path d=\"M0 0v24h24V0H0zm19.2 9.6h-4.8v4.8H9.6v4.8H4.8V4.8h14.4v4.8z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li><li><a aria-label=\"tumblr\" class=\"u-syndication syn-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tumblr.com\/blog\/view\/t:c4gTZash4jhfc6YyjwLx0A\/740946971502739456\"> <span class=\"syndication-link-icon svg-tumblr\" style=\"display: inline-block; max-width: 1rem; margin: 2px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\" aria-label=\"Tumblr\" title=\"Tumblr\" ><svg role=\"img\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><title>Tumblr<\/title><path d=\"M14.563 24c-5.093 0-7.031-3.756-7.031-6.411V9.747H5.116V6.648c3.63-1.313 4.512-4.596 4.71-6.469C9.84.051 9.941 0 9.999 0h3.517v6.114h4.801v3.633h-4.82v7.47c.016 1.001.375 2.371 2.207 2.371h.09c.631-.02 1.486-.205 1.936-.419l1.156 3.425c-.436.636-2.4 1.374-4.156 1.404h-.178l.011.002z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li><li><a aria-label=\"x\" class=\"u-syndication syn-link\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/CA_Survivor\/status\/1795447544371441947\"> <span class=\"syndication-link-icon svg-x\" style=\"display: inline-block; max-width: 1rem; margin: 2px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\" aria-label=\"X\" title=\"X\" ><svg role=\"img\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><title>X<\/title><path d=\"M18.901 1.153h3.68l-8.04 9.19L24 22.846h-7.406l-5.8-7.584-6.638 7.584H.474l8.6-9.83L0 1.154h7.594l5.243 6.932ZM17.61 20.644h2.039L6.486 3.24H4.298Z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/div><span class=\"kt-load-after-post\"><\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Fixing someone else&#8217;s grief, just like healing their trauma, isn&#8217;t possible. It&#8217;s not your job. Your job is to keep the space open for them to heal.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":14678,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"mf2_syndication":[],"_kad_post_transparent":"default","_kad_post_title":"default","_kad_post_layout":"default","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"default","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"default","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"webmentions_disabled_pings":false,"webmentions_disabled":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[37,71,47,58],"class_list":["post-14662","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-links","tag-abuse","tag-grief","tag-healing","tag-trauma"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Sharing - What the Most Common Advice About Grief Gets So Wrong<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/2024\/01\/30\/sharing-what-the-most-common-advice-about-grief-gets-so-wrong\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sharing - What the Most Common Advice About Grief Gets So Wrong\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Fixing someone else&#039;s grief, just like healing their trauma, isn&#039;t possible. 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Your job is to keep the space open for them to heal.\u00a0\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/2024\/01\/30\/sharing-what-the-most-common-advice-about-grief-gets-so-wrong\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Survivors News and Reviews\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/mikemac29\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/mikemac29\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2024-01-30T13:38:12+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/fig-30-01-2024_02-20-40.jpg?fit=500%2C300&ssl=1\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"300\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"MikeM\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@CA_Survivor\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@CA_Survivor\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"MikeM\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\\\/reviews\\\/2024\\\/01\\\/30\\\/sharing-what-the-most-common-advice-about-grief-gets-so-wrong\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\\\/reviews\\\/2024\\\/01\\\/30\\\/sharing-what-the-most-common-advice-about-grief-gets-so-wrong\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"MikeM\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\\\/reviews\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/dbc4a41a301b6455b3717df14ea3533e\"},\"headline\":\"Sharing &#8211; 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