{"id":6134,"date":"2018-02-02T06:44:58","date_gmt":"2018-02-02T14:44:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/?p=6134"},"modified":"2022-02-05T16:06:24","modified_gmt":"2022-02-06T00:06:24","slug":"link-unlearning-lessons-toxic-childhood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/2018\/02\/02\/link-unlearning-lessons-toxic-childhood\/","title":{"rendered":"Link &#8211; Unlearning the Lessons of a Toxic Childhood"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I have written about this before, children learn about the world and their place in it based on their own little world. When that is short-circuited, it&#8217;s a struggle to relearn it as an adult:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>All children learn about the larger world by extrapolating from the little world they grew up in, that of their immediate household and extended family. If you grow up in a place where you are loved and protected, feel confident to explore and take risks, and believe that others think well of you, the chances are good that you\u2019ll see the larger world as one filled with opportunities to connect and make your mark. Even if you experience something untoward or unexpected, you\u2019re more likely to be resilient and to see what happened as anomalous and be able to learn from it. (That is how a person with a secure style of attachment sees the world.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<blockquote><p>But the child who grows up in a household where bullying, verbal abuse, and scapegoating are part of the everyday forms a very different vision of the world. The child who\u2019s ignored has a different take on the world of relationship than the one who\u2019s been taunted for her sensitivity or neediness. Again, these mental modes are unconscious and function as sieves through which experience is poured and understood. An unloved child who\u2019s been under siege\u2014mocked, marginalized, or scapegoated\u2014defends herself by armoring and detaching from her feelings. An unloved child starved for love and attention remains open but ever vigilant for signs of rejection.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>However, it is also not impossible to learn it later on in life. A struggle, yes, but not impossible.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/blogs.psychcentral.com\/knotted\/2018\/01\/unlearning-the-lessons-of-a-toxic-childhood\/\">https:\/\/blogs.psychcentral.com\/knotted\/2018\/01\/unlearning-the-lessons-of-a-toxic-childhood\/<\/a><span hidden class=\"__iawmlf-post-loop-links\" data-iawmlf-links=\"[{&quot;id&quot;:2039,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/blogs.psychcentral.com\\\/knotted\\\/2018\\\/01\\\/unlearning-the-lessons-of-a-toxic-childhood&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20180615010930\\\/https:\\\/\\\/blogs.psychcentral.com\\\/knotted\\\/2018\\\/01\\\/unlearning-the-lessons-of-a-toxic-childhood\\\/&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-12-02 03:08:43&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:206},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-12-16 18:41:43&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:206},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-02 22:33:59&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:206}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-02 22:33:59&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:206},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;}]\"><\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"syndication-links\"><\/div><span class=\"kt-load-after-post\"><\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I have written about this before, children learn about the world and their place in it based on their own little world. When that is short-circuited, it&#8217;s a struggle to relearn it as an adult: All children learn about the larger world by extrapolating from the little world they grew up in, that of their&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5074,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"mf2_syndication":[],"_kad_post_transparent":"default","_kad_post_title":"default","_kad_post_layout":"default","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"default","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"default","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"webmentions_disabled_pings":false,"webmentions_disabled":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[37,26],"class_list":["post-6134","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-links","tag-abuse","tag-blogs"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Link - Unlearning the Lessons of a Toxic Childhood<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/2018\/02\/02\/link-unlearning-lessons-toxic-childhood\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Link - Unlearning the Lessons of a Toxic Childhood\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I have written about this before, children learn about the world and their place in it based on their own little world. When that is short-circuited, it&#8217;s a struggle to relearn it as an adult: All children learn about the larger world by extrapolating from the little world they grew up in, that of their...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/2018\/02\/02\/link-unlearning-lessons-toxic-childhood\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Survivors News and Reviews\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/mikemac29\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/mikemac29\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-02-02T14:44:58+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-02-06T00:06:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\/reviews\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/5111553020_26487da7a5_depressed-child.jpg?fit=500%2C375&ssl=1\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"375\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"MikeM\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@CA_Survivor\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@CA_Survivor\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"MikeM\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\\\/reviews\\\/2018\\\/02\\\/02\\\/link-unlearning-lessons-toxic-childhood\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\\\/reviews\\\/2018\\\/02\\\/02\\\/link-unlearning-lessons-toxic-childhood\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"MikeM\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.childabusesurvivor.net\\\/reviews\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/dbc4a41a301b6455b3717df14ea3533e\"},\"headline\":\"Link &#8211; 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