I’ve covered this topic over the years, mostly discussing it regarding victim blaming.
It’s a tough thing to live with the knowledge that, at any second, you could become a victim through no fault of your own. It’s scary; it can even be paralyzing. So, we look for alternative realities.
This week, in the immediate aftermath of the crashes of a commercial airliner and a military helicopter, we witnessed this phenomenon in real-time. It was one thing to see the immediate demand for an explanation on social media—that’s not surprising. This time, however, we watched political leaders do the same thing.
I don’t believe explaining why people reacted this way is difficult. Seeing the disaster was upsetting, and there is no denying that. Some families are devastated right now. We all want to mourn with them, but mourning hurts. It doesn’t feel good, and the uncertainty of what happened is uncomfortable.
We saw too many people leap at straightforward explanations to ease their discomfort. This is not intelligence, common sense, or emotional maturity. It is a weakness. This is an inability to sit with that discomfort and to blame a program or a conspiracy theory with zero proof because it makes them feel better. It fits with their worldview, so they do not have to deal with the cognitive load that comes from realizing the world isn’t fair, it will never be fair, and random things can take any of us at any moment.
Accepting that reality and moving forward is maturity. It’s how we find solutions to complicated problems like a lack of mental health resources, addiction, oppression, poverty, etc. Those answers will not be found in conspiracy theories or blame games. It’s how we sit with people who have suffered loss and trauma without dismissing their pain.
Sadly, too many people seem to be looking for the easy answer to ease their discomfort rather than the answers that will bring about real change. We all pay for not teaching people how to be emotionally intelligent enough to do that.