I’ve shared a few resources of late about how to help people feel seen and the importance of it.
In the post below, Salwa explains why so many of us are closed off from wanting to be seen. I think this says it all:
I think most people mean well. They just don’t know how to hold space without trying to fix or analyse you. And after a while, it gets exhausting.
So you stop sharing. You start editing. You become a slightly watered-down version of yourself, just enough to be palatable. Approachable. Not too intense. Not too much.
Being alone doesn’t require all that effort.
https://quietlybecoming.substack.com/p/when-being-alone-feels-safer-than
She goes on to opine that very few people in the world can actually provide safety. It may seem like a damning statement, but I believe there’s a lot of truth to it as well. How many of us can sit with others’ stories? Honestly sit with it. Let them share it without having an uncomfortable response. Based on my experience, she is correct. There aren’t many people who can do that. I am glad I’ve had some in my life. I also know that makes me lucky. I strive to be that kind of person to others, even as I acknowledge that there are times when I fall short of my goals. I probably fall short more often than not.
Likely, you have too. That doesn’t mean we can’t learn to be better. Everyone deserves safety and the ability to share their story without facing further harm. Sadly, that isn’t common. We don’t teach people how to handle grief, loss, trauma, etc., because we aren’t comfortable hearing about it. Perhaps, if more people learned, we could reach a point where we are more comfortable with it, and being alone wouldn’t have to be the only safe option. Until then, I can’t blame anyone for deciding to be more alone. Safety is not easily found.