The logical part of my brain knows that I’m safe. The part that learned how to be hyperalert is busy making sure I stay that way. It never stopped looking for danger. I doubt it ever will. I don’t consider that something wrong with me, but it is something I have had to learn to live with.
It is true that there are people with plenty of social skills and social contacts who are still lonely. As a survivor, I recognize this in things like the small number of people we can talk to comfortably about our abuse, our healing, etc. At various times in my life, I’ve had a lot of friends and was very social. I was still lonely. Because no one saw all of me. No one sat with me in my pain. I kept it hidden from everyone. That’s lonely.
How often do we wait until we have the answers, or jump into problem-solving mode when someone admits to struggling, when all they need is to know you care? In my opinion, we’d do each other a huge favor if instead of trying to learn how to solve someone’s struggles, we spent more time learning how to care for one another.
We talk a lot as a society about youth mental health, but our actions speak much louder, and the message they send is that we only really care about the mental health care of certain kids. Because if we cared about the mental health of all kids, we’d make different choices about making healthcare available and eliminating the actions that harm teens’ mental health.
What more can I say about this? There are clear connections between improved outcomes for kids who are surrounded by supportive adults, and then we created a society that makes it nearly impossible to create that kind of community. The article talks about small acts of cooperation and inclusion, building the network of trusted adults, but how many of us would even know where to start? How many of us don’t trust anyone? How many of us have friends or non-immediate family members around who our kids can trust?
Reading this review made me think this may be an interesting book to pick up. Sometimes, the darkest subjects can be addressed most honestly with a little humor.
