This is painful to read and also incredibly familiar:
Why Being Alone in Your Trauma Hurts More Than the Trauma Itself
I remember sitting across from a client—let’s call her Jasmine*—as she shared her story of childhood trauma. What struck me wasn’t just the painful event she described, but the way her voice dropped to a whisper when she said, “And I never told anyone. I thought no one would understand.” In that moment, I felt the weight of her words settle into the room between us. The trauma wasn’t just what happened to her; it was the profound aloneness that wrapped itself around the experience like a second skin.
https://mytherapist.substack.com/p/the-second-betrayal-the-hidden-factor
Not telling anyone is common. There are many reasons for this, including the fact that many of us grew up in chaotic homes, where we kept our secrets to avoid adding more stress to our families.
Looking back on it as an adult, it seems ridiculous. I didn’t tell anyone I was being sexually abused because it might upset the delicate family balance we had to keep due to my father’s drinking. (Which we also had to keep quiet about.)
It’s no wonder that I felt alone. I was alone. I was also lucky in finding someone else who was willing to tell their secret in my 20s. Most survivors remain alone with their trauma for decades. Even when they go about their lives, marry, have families, etc., they live alone in their trauma. Others tried to tell someone and weren’t believed, which is a level of being alone that I cannot imagine.
All this trauma, and all these people living alone with it. Is it any wonder we struggle to create community?