Learning to hold sorrow– “What I know for sure, after the work and conversations these past three weeks, is that we need to get better at holding, hearing, and healing sorrow.”
Teens Know Why Mental Health Is Worsening, Now It’s Time to Listen
5 Benefits of Solitude and Why You Need It for Your Mental Health– in a world that values productivity over everything, we lose the ability to simply be alone
“Here’s a theory: Maybe I had not really been broken this whole time. Maybe I had been a human—flawed and still growing but full of light nonetheless”
I want all of us to ponder that line for a little bit and think about it. Consider the possibility that you, as a survivor, are not broken. Maybe you are just human. Maybe everything you see as broken is just a natural reaction to abuse in the same way every human carries things forward into their lives from their past. That’s not to say the harm isn’t real. Indeed it is very much real. It might not, however, have changed the possibility of our light still being inside us.
You are still human and you still have value in this world.
Growing up, I was timid and socially awkward. There are other reasons for this, but let’s be honest, hiding my secrets and being much too busy surviving to bother with learning social skills played a big role. I had to learn later in life; even at age 54, I’m still learning. If you find yourself in the same situation, perhaps one of these could help. If you know of a teen or child, who could use some help with social skills, there are items on the list for them too.
How we show up for other people matters. We can provide that place of safety in which they can heal and flourish. Too often, we don’t, though. We don’t know what to do, so we don’t show up. We don’t understand the importance of showing up, even if it’s not perfect, just to let people know that they are not alone in difficult situations. Everything is harder when you go through it alone, so show up for your people.
You have to see what happened for what it is. That includes seeing that it was a decision made by someone else and not something you deserved or attracted to yourself in any way. You were a child. Your abuser made a decision to abuse you sexually. That’s the truth of it.
That is the start of healing.
It is true. As much as you might love your partner and want to support them, there are ripple effects that impact well beyond the individual survivor. Those ripple effects are painful, and we can acknowledge that pain without diminishing the pain of being the direct victim. All of it sucks, and all of it is the fault of the abuser.
There’s no one else to blame, just a lot of people left to struggle. Let’s do what we can to support all of them.
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