The Extreme Things Toxic Positivity Forces You To Believe

posted in: Featured, Observations 0 |
Reading Time: 4 minutes

I feel fairly certain I have never read a worse example of how certain worldviews will have to end up blaming the victim for their own suffering than this quote from an article about how we can fetishize “surviving” during difficult times, often taking more interest in things like the Holocaust:

Recently, a textbook required for the UNC minicourse “21st Century Wellness” was skewered for suggesting—as a headline read—“Holocaust victims who died failed to find their inner strength.” The actual text included: “The people in the camps who did not tap into the strength that comes from their intrinsic worth succumbed to the brutality to which they were subjected.”

I realize that this seems shocking that anyone would believe this, but I have a different take on it. Why wouldn’t some people believe this?… Read More

Lauren Book on Fight, Flight, or Freeze

posted in: Recommended Reading 0 |
Reading Time: 1 minute

Somehow, even though this is from 2016, I hadn’t seen it until last night. It’s a TEDx talk by survivor, and advocate Lauren Book. (https://laurenskids.org)

In it. she shares her own story, and some words about going from victim, to advocate and how we can all advocate for children, but the part that really caught my attention was the beginning, and no not just because she uses an air horn. It’s the description of our responses to trauma, and how they are just part of us, mostly outside of our control, especially as children. Lauren’s freeze response wasn’t just a one-time event either, it went on for years, and was tied to thinking that all of it was her own fault.

If this sound familiar, that’s because it is really common. We just don’t talk about it. We don’t talk about sexual abuse at all, and if we do, this kind of response is usually met with some nasty comments about why we waited to say anything. Those comments simply communicate that the person saying them, knows nothing about the brain and trauma response.

Don’t be that person. Watch and learn a thing or two.… Read More

Quick Thought #17 – Most of Our Discomfort with Compliments Could Go Away, if it Were Common

posted in: Quick Thoughts 0 |
Reading Time: 2 minutes

What occurred to me as I thought more about this study, was that both of these are easily fixable. Giving and receiving compliments would not be such an anxiety-inducing activity if we simply practiced it more often. It’s the fact that we so rarely give people compliments that makes this awkward, and when the kind words of a friend, or even a stranger, can have such an important impact on our days, and our own struggles with self-worth, this is hardly a thing that should be so rare.

So, here’s my challenge, for myself, and for you. The next time someone does a really good job on a project, is especially good at their job, or just looks sharp in a new outfit, tell them. Even if you don’t know them very well. It will matter to them, and you’ll get to practice something that will make you a better, happier, person as well.… Read More

So, How Are You Doing?

posted in: Observations 1 |
Reading Time: 2 minutes

But, that’s not what I want to talk about today, because, frankly, I think we’re all talked out on the subject, or at least I feel like I’m all talked out right now. If you don’t realize that anxiety and other mental health issues are sitting heavy on all of us this year, I don’t know that there’s anything I can say that will convince you of it. I want to talk about some good things, because, why not? I want to appreciate the following:

No matter what happens with the election, the sun rose today. It will set tonight, and rise again tomorrow. And I am here to see it.

I am thankful for the many friends and family members we’ve been in touch with in the last few days, even if it’s just to text and say “WTF”?

Laughter, because sometimes there’s nothing else to do but laugh, and it’s good for you.

You are here, reading this. You’re Alive!

Hope, that as long as there is a tomorrow for any of us, there is hope in the fact that things are always changing in the world, and in our lives.

Love. For each other, and ourselves.

Nature.

The technology that lets us all check in with each other, across the world, at any time.… Read More

It’s a Good Question – Why Aren’t We Talking More About The Sex Abuse Scandal at Ohio State?

posted in: Newsworthy, Recommended Reading 0 |
Reading Time: 4 minutes

These men will never get their day in court to read their victim statements, and be cheered on by the public, but given how uncomfortable we are with the subject matter, even if they did, would we welcome it the same way we did during the trial of Larry Nasser? If not, what does that say about us?… Read More

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