We Still Have to Talk about Why Sexual Assault Victims, Including Kids, Don’t Come Forward

We Still Have to Talk about Why Sexual Assault Victims, Including Kids, Don’t Come Forward

ByMike McBride Reading Time: 2 minutes

Never mind the fact that they might have tried to tell someone and got shut down.

Never mind the fact that they might have told someone who didn’t believe them

Never mind the fact that telling someone is going to create a massive conflict within their own family.

Never mind the fact that it’s extremely unlikely that any sort of conviction will occur if they tell the police.

Never mind the fact that they will now, and maybe forever, be seen as damaged goods by a large segment of society.

Never mind that no matter how heinous the crime, they’ll have to answer question after question about what they did to provoke it.

When Trauma Response are Helpful – And When They Aren’t.

When Trauma Response are Helpful – And When They Aren’t.

ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

In the big picture, the thing I know that I need to do is to be aware of when I’m in that mode and act accordingly. There can be some great benefits to hypervigilance and there can be some real downsides. If I’m aware of it, I can scan the environment as necessary without ignoring other important, but not dangerous, bits of information, and watch out for my own overreactions. I can consciously use the skill that I learned as a trauma survivor for my own good without it wrecking my day-to-day life or causing more anxiety.

It’s a tricky line to walk, and I’ll be the first to admit I don’t always do it so well.

Friendships Matter Much More than the Value We Place on Them
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Friendships Matter Much More than the Value We Place on Them

ByMike McBride Reading Time: 5 minutes

It’s worth thinking about your friends and recognizing that we need all kinds of friends. We need loose connections, and we need tight connections. We need long-term friends, and we need friends for a season of our lives.

In short, we need each other. I’m afraid this is something that has gotten lost in our culture. It’s certainly gotten lost in our priorities, and I consider myself as guilty as anyone.

I also know that being guilty of not prioritizing friendships has hurt me. It’s likely hurting you. It is hurting all of society. It’s time we started valuing close friendships again.

Some Conversations Are Easier Online

Some Conversations Are Easier Online

ByMike McBride Reading Time: 2 minutes

I have understood this for a long time. I can write here and don’t have to see anyone react immediately when they read it. I can see their reaction when I tell someone about being abused in person. I can watch their facial expressions and body language. I can see every bit of their discomfort, and their signs of dismissal cut me. If you don’t think telling someone in person that you need their help isn’t scary, I can only assume that is because you’ve never done it.

So when you see someone share something on social media about their mental health, and your response is to wonder why they didn’t just talk to you about it, remember how much harder that is. Maybe they aren’t ready yet, or you just haven’t done enough to earn that trust. Consider how many people in your life may be dealing with very difficult things they just haven’t told anyone about yet.

Let’s Talk About Your Friend with Social Anxiety
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Let’s Talk About Your Friend with Social Anxiety

ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

Someone you know is likely struggling with anxiety. Likely, many of you are, too, just like I am. With general anxiety running rampant across society right now, we can also assume that a large portion of social anxiety is going around too. If you have a friend who has struggled to keep plans or stay in touch, be kind. Recognize their anxiety and take a small action that sends the message that you are happy to see them. For me, it’s been a sincere hug or smile upon seeing me. It’s an immediate reminder that this person wants to be with me. There is an undeniable feeling that seeing me makes them happy.

They probably have no idea how much they have done by expressing that to me, but it makes all the difference in the world. I can immediately go from being all in my insecurities to all in the acceptance and warmth of long-time friends. It might not seem like much, but it is.

Quick Thought #19 – Loneliness and Toxic Positivity

Quick Thought #19 – Loneliness and Toxic Positivity

ByMike McBride Reading Time: 2 minutes

I don’t think that’s it. Not completely anyway. I think the real damage social media has done is to make toxic positivity popular. For every person celebrating their “good vibes only” lifestyle, there are at least 2-3 people who have lost a friend because they’ve been cut out by someone unwilling to be with them in their pain.

After all, if the goal is to eliminate all the negative people in your life, where do people go when they are in pain, grieving, or simply need support?

Nothing makes you lonelier than having no one to turn to during those times, and, increasingly, the message we are getting is to aspire to be that uncaring towards people in need.