Quick Thought #21 – Stark Differences in How I Talk To Myself

Quick Thought #21 – Stark Differences in How I Talk To Myself

I failed to notice that the restaurant only offered pickup orders until we sat around, wondering why I hadn’t gotten any notification about our food being on the way. It had been sitting there, getting cold, waiting for us to pick it up for at least 20-25 minutes. We quickly hopped in the car to get it; all the while, I apologized over and over to my wife, berated myself internally for not noticing and screwing up our dinner, etc.

When we got there, I ran inside only to discover that the restaurant only had one meal, not two. Part of the order had gotten cut off, and no one caught it until I got there and asked about the second meal. The manager made things right very quickly, apologizing over and over.

My response?

“No worries, it’s all good. We’ve got our food, and that’s all that matters.”

And then I got back in the car, telling myself that this whole mess could have been avoided if I had handled ordering correctly in the first place.

What is wrong with me?

Quick Thought #19 – Loneliness and Toxic Positivity

Quick Thought #19 – Loneliness and Toxic Positivity

I don’t think that’s it. Not completely anyway. I think the real damage social media has done is to make toxic positivity popular. For every person celebrating their “good vibes only” lifestyle, there are at least 2-3 people who have lost a friend because they’ve been cut out by someone unwilling to be with them in their pain.

After all, if the goal is to eliminate all the negative people in your life, where do people go when they are in pain, grieving, or simply need support?

Nothing makes you lonelier than having no one to turn to during those times, and, increasingly, the message we are getting is to aspire to be that uncaring towards people in need.

Quick Thought #18 – Sports as an Example of The Lens We See Life Through

Quick Thought #18 – Sports as an Example of The Lens We See Life Through

Just like in sports though, sometimes it’s not about how the world works, or what mistakes we made, it’s about the other team. In our case, it’s the abuser. They did this. Healing is understanding that, and coming to grips with the fact that our lens is wrong. We’re looking at someone else’s actions and choices through a lens that only sees ourselves. We were abused, maybe when we told someone, we weren’t believed, or maybe even as adults, when we share our experiences we make others uncomfortable. But it’s not us. Other people get to make their own choices, have their own reactions, and choose who, and what, to believe.

What we need to do, is start untying other people actions and reactions, from ourselves. The abuser chose to abuse. The people who refused to help, made that choice, and the people who still don’t believe us, have their own reasons for doing that. None of it has anything to do with us, those are other people making their own choices, playing their own game. We can do everything right, live our life to the best of our abilities and still “lose” in these interactions. It happens. It doesn’t lessen us, it shows us who these other people are, and tells us about their agendas.

We learn from that, and move on. We do not blame ourselves for their agendas.

It does take developing a more mature lens to view life through, and that takes time, and work. Are you up for it? Or maybe the better question, are you tired of blaming yourself?

Quick Thought #17 – Most of Our Discomfort with Compliments Could Go Away, if it Were Common

Quick Thought #17 – Most of Our Discomfort with Compliments Could Go Away, if it Were Common

What occurred to me as I thought more about this study, was that both of these are easily fixable. Giving and receiving compliments would not be such an anxiety-inducing activity if we simply practiced it more often. It’s the fact that we so rarely give people compliments that makes this awkward, and when the kind words of a friend, or even a stranger, can have such an important impact on our days, and our own struggles with self-worth, this is hardly a thing that should be so rare.

So, here’s my challenge, for myself, and for you. The next time someone does a really good job on a project, is especially good at their job, or just looks sharp in a new outfit, tell them. Even if you don’t know them very well. It will matter to them, and you’ll get to practice something that will make you a better, happier, person as well.

Quick Thought #16 – Good For Mark Cuban and Delonte West, but it Shouldn’t Be Like This

Quick Thought #16 – Good For Mark Cuban and Delonte West, but it Shouldn’t Be Like This

The story of Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban finding former player Delonte West, and picking him up at a gas station in order to arrange for him to go to rehab, is a great story. I have nothing but respect for Cuban for going out of this way to help a former player, and I…

Quick Thought #15 – Do what you can, it’s good for you.

Quick Thought #15 – Do what you can, it’s good for you.

I want to share some research with you from this article: Do good, feel good: Random acts of kindness improve wellbeing, physical health The report in the journal Psychological Bulletin reviews 201 independent studies on prosocial behavior and its affect on well-being. After examining data on over 198,000 participants, Hui’s study reveals there is a modest link…