Quick Thought #20 – As a Male Sexual Assault Survivor, I’m Appalled by what the US is Doing to WomenPin

Quick Thought #20 – As a Male Sexual Assault Survivor, I’m Appalled by what the US is Doing to Women

ByMike McBride Reading Time: 2 minutes

First off, let me acknowledge something. As a man, I have no right to make the Supreme Court’s decision to overthrow the right to abortion access about me. This post is not that. It is, in fact, an acknowledgment that as much as I want to advocate for all sexual abuse survivors, and want to highlight the damage that is done to male survivors, I have always had to keep in the back of my mind that for biological female survivors there is always one risk that goes far and beyond anything a male survivor has to deal with, being impregnated by their abuser.

Over the years of being in the public about my sexual abuse, I’ve interacted with many female survivors. Some I know in person, and others only online. I know that some of them have had abortions because of a sexual assault. I know some that were taken for underage abortions to try and hide sexual abuse. This is not nearly as rare as some would have you believe.

The reality is, that for all survivors, our choice was ripped away from us, and the only way to even begin healing is to have the space to make our own choices about how to move forward and heal. I have always cherished the freedom I was given in therapy to choose how I wanted to move forward, and the power to make my own decisions about treatment, something that I never felt safe doing previously. It empowered me to heal and live the life that I know have. Again, I’ve met many survivors who have thrived because of their ability to choose how to move forward. As I’ve said many times, some of them moved forward in ways similar to myself, and many others did not.

Given this, I cannot imagine the kind of harm we are doing to female survivors when we tell them they have to carry their pregnancy to term. That they remain in a condition where they have no choice. States, including my own, that have or are moving toward enacting complete bans on abortion with no exception for rape and incest victims are ripping the choice of how to move forward away, victimizing these survivors a second time. Forcing their own desires on the bodies of women.

If your religion is willing to force the victim of a violent crime to continue to be violated in this way, you need a better religion. You need a better god, and you absolutely need a better heart. You are not righteous, you are an abuser.

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    Why Did So Many Adults Minimize the Abuse in US Gymnastics?

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    So, when I look at a highly successful program like US gymnastics, like Penn State football, like USA Swimming, like English Youth Football, etc. I think we can clearly see this. Why be such a downer, don’t you see how much good this program, and the people in it, are doing? It’s probably nothing, just some misunderstanding by over-imaginative kids. Nothing to worry about, look at the success we are having in the field, gym, or water. That’s what this is all about. That’s the important thing. The rest of this will pass.

    Except in the case of US Gymnastics, these ladies, and dozens of others, have not simply let it pass. They have remained steadfast in talking about it, making sure they can do everything they can to make sure it doesn’t happen to the next generation and reminding all of us that winning at all costs, is not worth the damage that is done to children who are sexually abused.

    They are truly resilient, like many of us who have survived sexual abuse, and gone on to talk about it, share our own stories, and live our adult lives. But never confuse that resiliency with how hard it really is to do. Never look at a survivor who has appeared to overcome their abuse, and assume that it’s ok to diminish what happened to them. It’s never easy, and for each one who might appear to have overcome, I’ll show you 5 who are still struggling every single day. You’ll find many of them in prison, or mental health care centers. Still dealing with the aftermath of their childhood trauma without access to the same support and resources that we lucky few have had the privilege to have. Yet they are all human beings, and they were all children once, children who had to suffer at the hands of adults who were more interested in their own pleasures, comfort, and place in their society than they were to consider the damage being done to these children.

    Don’t be one of those adults. There are many ways to abuse a child. Larry Nassar did and is paying for his crimes, finally. But there were a whole lot of other adults who abused these girls, by not taking it seriously, not investigating, and not caring enough about them as human beings to protect them. Make no mistake about that.

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