My wife and I went to see A Beautiful Mind tonight. It was a good movie, but a difficult one for me to watch. Anything that reminds me of the complete emptiness that losing time created in my soul is tough for me to swallow. Watching John come to grips with his delusions, and the sense of loss that he must feel when he realizes what they are was a stark reminder. The reactions of his coworkers to him after his hospital stay was eerily familiar to me as well. The uncomfortable laughter when you make a joke about your own mental illness, the worried looks, the neverending doubts, etc. all are there for the rest of your life when you have a breakdown that public. They are for me, as well. Even now, 5 years after the last hospital stay, more than 4 years since I’ve been off meds, there are still moments of uncomfortable laughter with my family and friends, and doubts in my own head. Like John’s delusions, they never really go away, you just learn to ignore them and go about your life.
She has a more “theater critic” type review of the movie on her blog , if you’re interested in seeing the movie.