Those of you who follow along on the tech blog know that I was anticipating a long, stressful couple of days this week because of our annual meeting at work. I was looking forward to that being over and done with Weds. night and relaxing. However, that did not turn out to be the case, as during the event Weds, I learned that my grandmother passed away.
Instead of going home that night and relaxing, I rushed home at 7:30 to grab some food and then work on finding out what I could about the funeral details, how I might be able to make it back to New York for the funeral, etc. Not exactly a stress-free activity. That carried over into Thursday morning, when I finally was able to find out some definite information about the funeral and wound up, ultimately with my decision that it just wasn’t feasible for us to get there for it.
I’m not overly sad that we won’t make the funeral. My grandmother has been suffering from dementia for a long time now. Angela and I were back there in Oct 2001 to see her, before the dementia got really bad. It was, in my mind, a chance for my new wife to meet my grandmother, and a chance for me to say goodbye, knowing that even if she somehow survived long enough to be around the next time I was in town, she probably wouldn’t be coherent. I knew that then, and took the opportunity to “say goodbye” while she could still appreciate the time and the visit. That, to me, is far more important than whether I make it to her funeral or not.
As far myself, I don’t think the reality has hit me yet. Like I said, I found out in the middle of a very busy day, and didn’t have time to even think about it, let alone feel anything. By last night, I was just tired. Physically and emotionally there was nothing left last night. Today, I feel it somewhat, but not in the way I expected. I’m not sad, or having any sort of emotional outburst, I just can’t seem to really find any enjoyment or desire to do the things I normally do. I’m simply not in the mood to read the tech news, check up on the political happenings, watch the Stanley Cup Finals, etc. All those things just don’t interest me right now. Mostly, I just want to sleep. Maybe after I’m not so tired I’ll be able to feel again, and then things will get back to normal. We’ll see..