Survivors or Addicts?

Recently, I had an email exchange with another survivor who had been spending some time in online forums for survivors, and running into a bit of a roadblock. Unfortunately, it was a roadblock I’ve seen in some online forums before, and is one I’ve the reasons I don’t spend that much time there any more.

The issue, as I’ve seen it, is that far too often you have members of any online support group, who are constantly in crisis. Now, I’m not saying there aren’t times when we all need support, but these people seem to always need it. Worse yet, the majority of the time, they need it because they keep repeating their own unhealthy decisions.

I think, sometimes, survivors who have gotten used to being mistreated, find someone willing to help out, someone willing to be sympathetic, and it becomes an addiction. They can be the center of attention by being in crisis mode, and that becomes it’s own drug. Therefore, instead of taking responsibility for themselves, it becomes the other members of the forum who are responsible for supporting them through all their drama. The more drama, the more support and attention, they can get.

Trying to support these people just gets to be exhausting. It kills your willingness to get involved, because you find yourself constantly giving people support. As with any relationship, you do have to consider cutting your losses at some point. You can’t continue to support someone else’s bad decisions at the cost of your own health. Ultimately, as much as we all do need support every now and again, every single survivor is responsible for their own healing.

Tags: OnlineForums, Drama, Addiction

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  1. very good point. i have only recently discovered boundaries and how they can work in my life. it’s still an adjustment at times, but i find it worth working through. “it don’t come easy”

  2. Hhhmmmmm…I think you may have someething here. I don’t spend much time in the forums or on the message boards anymore either. In fact, I’ve been getting messages from Pandy’s lately kinda asking me, “where have you been?” Even with my recent “set back,” I was tempted to log on, but didn’t. But, I must say, I appreciate kind comments from bloggy friends such as you! thanks for your support while i was away.

  3. Hello,

    My name is Steve and I came across your blog via another blog.

    I am a survivor of CSA. The syndrome you describe in this post is that of a victim.

    The way I view people who have been sexually abused is you are a victim, at first. Then when you seek and work on getting the help you need to overcome the havoc the experience your journey will turn you into a survivor and compassionate warrior.

    The folks you described are still victims. I keep away from getting to involved. I spend my energies working/volunteering for an organization called Darkness To Light – their slogan “confronting child sexual abuse with courage.” Here’s their web site They are primarily a prevention organization with a fantastic training program for adults that can be taken online.

  4. WOW…I too stopped spending great amounts of time
    in the survivor forums…they became too depressing…
    Too many people w/ the same story…
    Just reminded me constantly of my own abuse…

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