Children

  • The importance of unlearning our childhood stories

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

    I could not heal until I unlearned that my abuse was something I somehow caused. Unlearning that opened up the possibility of learning something different, namely, that I was abused because someone decided to abuse me. Did that happen overnight? Of course not! Unlearning is a process, and the more closely we identify with a belief, the more difficult it becomes to unlearn it. So many survivors learn at a very early age to keep secrets, that bad things will happen if they tell anyone.

    People who’ve never had that belief drilled into their young minds wonder why victims wait decades to come forward and tell their stories. That’s why! That belief is hard to unlearn. Many of us grew up with silence being the thing that prevents the abuse from being worse. Why should we start discussing it? If you tried to tell someone as a child and got shut down, this only gets worse. 

  • World Suicide Prevention Day 2025 and things that don’t exist

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 4 minutes

    It’s heartbreaking to me. It’s overwhelming to consider what’s missing because we haven’t figured out a way to help those who need it the most. The loss is incalculable. I have no words to describe it. I can personalize it because I was someone at risk. I know what would be missing if I had lost that battle. I’d be missing from everything that has happened in the 30 years since. I don’t like to think about that. I can’t imagine a world where I never met my wife or many of the incredibly special people I’ve come to know over the years. I’m fortunate that it isn’t the real world, but I’m also aware of how easily it could have been. I was able to get help. I found support when needed. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough to keep me connected to life and other people.

    Please, learn about suicide prevention. Ensure that you and everyone you care about are aware of the 988 number and other local resources available to you. Learn about how you can “Change the Narrative” this year at the WSPD link above.

  • We will eventually not be able to talk about sexual abuse online

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 2 minutes

    What’s objectionable? Who decides that? Does an abusive parent get to decide that no one should provide any information about abuse to their kid? Do ultra-religious parents get to decide that no one should see information about LGBTQ issues or mental health medication? Do non-religious parents get to decide that no one is allowed to read the Bible online due to violent passages? 

    It appears the answer to that, at least until a court steps in to strike down this law, is yes to all of that. As the EFF points out, this isn’t just a risk to the big tech platforms. Anyone with a blog, website, social media account, etc., is subject to a civil lawsuit based on a parent not agreeing with what they post. 

  • Natural Disasters Don’t Care Who You Voted For

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

    More importantly, though, is to understand what we say to each other because, as someone who was abused as a child and dealt with severe depression for years, I know what it’s like when people around you see you as less-than. I know what it feels like to feel that way internally, and that is part of the abuse and depression, but it was also part of society that told me that. The part that got uncomfortable any time I was around, or who gets on podcasts and blogs to talk about the damaged goods that abuse survivors are, or mocks “crazy people.” The solution to that is not to find another group that you consider to be beneath you; it’s to see the value in every life. To recognize the humanity in all of us and make political decisions that lift the humanity in all of us. 

  • History Survives When We Talk About It

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

    No matter what our leaders want to include or exclude from the official histories, we know these events happened. We may not be successful in getting large-scale claims of abuse into the history books of the future, though we should try, but we can all continue to talk about them. The mainstream may want us to be quiet about the abuse that happens within the family, the church, etc., but we can tell our stories. We have voices, our own online spaces, connections, and the freedom to speak.

    Most of all, we can support the people telling those stories. They are preserving our history and reminding all of us that the survivors are out here, we know what was done, and we will not accept the lies. We can ensure the truth is out there for those who want to learn and do everything we can to ensure that history is shared. 

  • Society Doesn’t Learn – Survivors Aren’t Believed

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 5 minutes

    It’s disheartening to think that I’ve spent over 20 years in the online survivor community advocating that we believe survivors and act on accusations of abuse only to wind up here. This feels like we’ve gone back to the days of sexual violence being unheard of because no one would dare talk about being a victim. It’s enough to make you want to quit. I felt that way last week. As I watched my wife’s hope for women across the country leave her body while also being overwhelmingly angry at people who voted for a criminal and a rapist, I wanted to walk away and shut myself off from the world.

    Instead, I stepped away for a few days and reminded myself that there will be innumerable victims of sexual abuse who can’t talk about it and need to know that they are not alone. There are growing numbers of survivors who will be losing their families and friends and need to know that they are not alone. We will all be looking for community. 

    If anything, the importance of staying online and continuing to talk about child abuse, sexual violence, mental health, and supporting vulnerable people is higher now than it has been in the entire time I’ve been doing this. Now is not the time to walk away; it’s the time to fight for survivors.