Sexual assault has happened to this many other guys, and almost nobody talks about it?

Sexual assault has happened to this many other guys, and almost nobody talks about it?

ByMike McBride Reading Time: 2 minutes

It pains me to know that so many survivors spend their adult lives in isolation and shame because they don’t know other survivors around them. This is why telling our stories when we can, is so important. No one should spend most of their adult life ashamed of surviving abuse. Those of us who are in a position to share our story and the statistics about abuse can change that. You can change that by sharing those stories and those statistics, shedding light on a subject we spend too much time trying to avoid. That light saves lives.

How Shame Keeps Us Disconnected

How Shame Keeps Us Disconnected

ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

The context for this quote is a handful of stories where someone felt ashamed of an event or something that they’d allowed people to believe about them that wasn’t true. Marisa goes on to talk about how when we have something we won’t discuss, it creates a separation from other people, and that separation can take away from humanness. Our interactions with other people are blocked off. We know we aren’t sharing our whole selves with the people we should be. That block can protect us from potential pain, but it also prevents us from having all the benefits of having close relationships with other humans.

Doesn’t that sound exactly like growing up keeping our abuse secret?

We grow up with shame around something that was never our fault. That shame prevents us from fully connecting with other human beings. That lack of connection harms our mental health as adults. We struggle to heal without one of the most powerful tools in our arsenal as human beings, other people. We keep our secrets and hide our shame, meaning we will never know the healing power of being accepted and loved by those who know our whole selves.

It’s All So Toxic

It’s All So Toxic

ByMike McBride Reading Time: 2 minutes

Of course, one of the tell-tale signs of depression, and unhealthy responses to trauma, like abuse, is overly black and white thinking. Going to extremes, if you will. So, it’s easy for many of us to fall into these toxic traps. It’s easy to think that we should feel shame about what happened to us, or that we can somehow rid ourselves of that shame, and anger, by simply refusing to do anything but be positive. But neither one of these is real healing. Real healing, like real emotions, and real people, are messier than that.

It’s still worth it though, as are a lot of those messy emotions and people too. If you let yourself get out of the black and white thinking, you just might see that too.

Why Should I “Earn” The Things That Are a Required Part of Life?

Why Should I “Earn” The Things That Are a Required Part of Life?

ByMike McBride Reading Time: 2 minutes

If you want to eat, eat. Your body needs food.

If you want to sleep, sleep. Your body needs sleep.

If you need to do something for your mental health? Do it, your mind needs care.

If you want to workout, workout. It’s good for you.

If you want to work hard on a project, work hard. The sense of accomplishment you get from hard work is great.

Do any of these things, it’s your choice. But don’t let your view of the things you need be altered by things you might want to do, and don’t let anyone else tell you how to earn those things. You don’t have to earn food and rest, they are a required part of being a human. You’re allowed to be human, no matter how hard you workout.

Quick Thought #12 – Just Stop Judging, Period.

Quick Thought #12 – Just Stop Judging, Period.

ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

At the beginning of this Coronavirus lock down, or quarantine, or whatever you want to call it, people were, rightfully, put in their place for suggesting that if you didn’t learn a new skill, or start a new business that you were just wasting this opportunity where you had plenty of time. That was wrong…