Sharing – How Perfectionism and Childhood Trauma Are Connected

I was a perfectionist as a child for many of the same reasons mentioned here. I’m 57 years old and still struggle with perfectionism almost every day of my life.

For the same reasons:

In response to adverse or traumatic childhood experiences, perfectionism can emerge as a powerful coping strategy. A person may begin striving for perfection as a way to secure the love and acceptance they are missing, regain a sense of control over their environment, and unconsciously try to avoid further abuse or emotional harm.

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/perfectionism-and-childhood-trauma/

As a kid, I needed everything to be perfect, not because I was some overachiever. It was because I knew in my heart and body that anything that wasn’t right could create a violent situation. Any detail overlooked, any warning sign missed, or any wrong word could end up with me getting abused. It became a learned behavior like Pavlov’s dogs. Any mistake created anxiety and fear of repercussion.

It still does. I’ve gotten better at quieting my mind when panic sets in over something less than perfect. Better, but pardon the pun, I’m not perfect at it. Those fears come rolling back every time. I can’t always beat them back. Those days are exhausting. The mental energy required to scan everything for signs of imperfection constantly is similar to the exhaustion many survivors feel when scanning for signs of danger. It doesn’t end. It can be nearly impossible ever to relax. Relaxation invites danger and a missed warning sign.

It invites imperfection, which invites danger to our young minds. That is a tough habit to unlearn.