In the past few days, I came across a couple of resources targeted toward the LGBTQ community, and I wanted to share them here.
Over the weekend I listened to this episode of the Happiness Lab podcast and I wanted to share it because I think Dr. Santos and her guests hit on some pretty interesting topics. Specifically, I felt like this was some more scientific evidence for how small actions, like compliments, can create a connection between people and make both the giver and the receiver, happier.
We’ve talked a lot about the importance of connection when it comes to mental health. Being connected to others is a great tool in suicide prevention, and we see study after study reporting on the negative effects of loneliness. One great way to create a connection among your friends is to ask for help when you need it. People, generally, like to help. The little bit of vulnerability it takes to ask for help can create a huge improvement in the connection between two people.
Unless, of course, you don’t bother to acknowledge the help with a thank you.
Sara explains some of the reasons why it’s hard, including how much easier it is to internalize negative feedback than a compliment and the ways in which we deflect them, much as I tried to do. She also has a few thoughts on what we should take into consideration as we try to get better at accepting compliments.
My favorite thing to consider from her list – Do you compliment yourself? Why or why not?
When Nedra talks about growing up in an alcoholic family, naturally that was something that resonated with me. Growing up my father was an alcoholic. It was normal for me to fear your father, especially when they’d been drinking. It was normal for there to be violence at home. It was normal for children to be physically attacked for as little as making too much noise.
Perhaps worst of all, it was also normal to keep it all secret, to not share what happens at home outside of the immediate family.
Which made it all the more easy for the sexual abuse I suffered later to be kept secret. And, in some odd way, for it also to seem normal.
This is a good suggestion for those times when you feel the pressure to respond right away, don’t want to upset anyone, and just agree. It’s classic people-pleasing behavior. Far better to just give yourself a pause to make a better decision.