Assuming that we know abusers when we see them is a dangerous game. Abusers get away with their behavior because they know how to mix in society, how to charm, and how to influence people to believe them. Victims often don’t have that going for them and are less likely to get the benefit of the doubt. Until we understand our biased thinking, we will continue to make this mistake, and. victims of abuse will be unlikely to be believed.
We know that kids who can access mental health support during traumatic childhoods fare significantly better in every aspect than kids who are unable to do so. If we want to do something about not only the youth mental health crisis, but also future adult mental and physical health issues, one of the best things we could do is invest in support systems for children.
But, we don’t. We have never made the kind of commitment that is necessary, and now we are cutting the meager programs that do exist.
Because if they don’t learn it from you, they will hear about it from these sources. Is that where you want your kids to learn about sex? If you wait too long, you’re not protecting their innocence as much as you are creating an opening for someone else to teach them a worse version.
Again, I’ll say it. You can’t solve the problems that exist and create risks for traumatized children when you don’t acknowledge the trauma. How can someone dealing with discrimination, hate, poverty, etc., get assistance when we won’t recognize that those things exist?
In the mental health field, I would agree with the experts quoted in the article. We treat mental health and trauma recovery based on the symptoms shown most often by women, because it is most often women who are seeking help. We define the symptoms based on what we see in those women, which are not the symptoms that every woman would have, let alone others. Someone who is abusing a substance, dealing with anger, taking risks, etc., isn’t typically what we consider “depressed,” but that might be the reality.
It was worth it, though. Stephanie is correct; if you don’t define yourself, other people will. It happened as a child to many of us when an abuser defined us as someone whom they could abuse; we took that lesson to heart and allowed others to keep defining us repeatedly. Some of those people may have wanted to help, some likely didn’t. It doesn’t matter. The only person who has the right to define you is you.
