Child Abuse

  • The importance of unlearning our childhood stories

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

    I could not heal until I unlearned that my abuse was something I somehow caused. Unlearning that opened up the possibility of learning something different, namely, that I was abused because someone decided to abuse me. Did that happen overnight? Of course not! Unlearning is a process, and the more closely we identify with a belief, the more difficult it becomes to unlearn it. So many survivors learn at a very early age to keep secrets, that bad things will happen if they tell anyone.

    People who’ve never had that belief drilled into their young minds wonder why victims wait decades to come forward and tell their stories. That’s why! That belief is hard to unlearn. Many of us grew up with silence being the thing that prevents the abuse from being worse. Why should we start discussing it? If you tried to tell someone as a child and got shut down, this only gets worse. 

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    Reasons I Didn’t Tell Anyone I was Being Sexually Abused

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 6 minutes

    That’s why when people approach me with ideas for how to prevent childhood sexual abuse, the only two things I focus on are education and honesty. I didn’t even know I was being abused because I lacked any education, and I didn’t talk to anyone because there were no safe adults for me to talk to. 

    If you want to prevent abuse, do those things. Talk to kids about sex, abuse, rape, violence, and LGBTQ issues. Please give them the vocabulary to talk about what is happening to them, to define what is right and wrong, and a place to get their questions answered honestly, get good information on the topic, and have open conversations without judgment. 

    If you aren’t willing to provide that for kids, I guarantee you there is a predator out there who will be more than happy to fill in the spaces for the kids around you and teach them about sex. You’re not going to like what they teach them. 

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    Unpopular Opinion, The Kids Online Safety Act is Going to Harm More Kids than it Protects

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

    I get it. The people who write these laws live in a world where kids all have a loving family who cares about them and want only to protect them from the evil that exists “out there.” They will provide whatever help and information their kids need, and there’s no need for them to navigate the wildness of the internet.  But we make information available to kids online because that’s not their reality. They don’t have supportive parents, they get kicked out for being gay, they are being abused at home, they are dealing with mental health issues their parents refuse to acknowledge, and they are often alone in trying to get help.

    Those kids need an open internet.

  • You’ve Already Done Hard Things

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 2 minutes

    We’ve already done hard things, but we don’t give ourselves credit for it. Typically, we do the opposite, blaming ourselves for the trauma or our mental health struggles, thus seeing ourselves as weak, the kind of people who can’t do hard things. That carries over into all aspects of our lives. We don’t take risks in jobs, relationships, and other areas because we don’t think we’re capable, and we don’t think we could survive failure.

    Which is weird, given how much we have survived.

  • Florida Sends the Wrong Message when Allowing for the Death Penalty in Child Abuse Cases

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

    I get it. Punishing child abusers is an easy public opinion win. No one wants to punish abusers less. As survivors, though, we must balance that with what is best for the child. Testifying in a child abuse trial is a traumatic experience as it is. We shouldn’t be asking kids to take responsibility for taking the life of their abuser on top of that or spend the rest of their lives knowing that someone died because they spoke up. Nor should we be arming abusers with another way to manipulate kids into staying silent.

    We should focus on what is best for a survivor’s healing so they can have a life after abuse because that is possible.