Quote about stigma at two levels
In the book Everything is Tuberculosis by John Green, he makes a statement about stigma that felt like the most succinct description I’ve heard of something I’ve talked about with much less clarity.
When talking about the stigma that was historically associated with illnesses like TB, he said:
Stigma is saying that you deserved to have this happen, but implied within the stigma is also “and I don’t deserve it, so I don’t need to worry about it happening to me.”
He calls this the double burden of not only being sick, but being blamed for the illness.
Survivors know this kind of stigma all too well. Usually, it comes in the form of questions like:
- Why didn’t you fight back?
- Why didn’t you leave?
- Why were you there?
- Were you drinking?
- Are you sure that’s what happened?
- Did you confuse them?
Those of us who have struggled with mental health issues have heard others:
- What do you have to be depressed about?
- You just need exercise/sleep/etc.
- You should be more positive
There are many other statements. They are all designed to do one thing: make the person saying them feel safer.
If I could tell every survivor one thing, it is that these statements were never about us. They were about them and their inability to live with any uncomfortable thought. The narrative that suggests, not out loud but through innuendo and questions, that we deserved what happened is really a narrative that says, “I need to find a reason this won’t happen to me,” because they are too weak to accept that life comes with risks. They need a reason to push the truth away.
People get sick because the world has illnesses. People get abused because the world has abusers in it. People are victimized because the world has victimizers.
The world is not, has never been, and will never be fair. Suggesting that anyone deserved illness or abuse because bad things happen to bad people is naïve. It’s a childish lie we coddle ourselves with, with no basis in reality. Survivors deserve better support than that.
