How Will Others React to Your Change?
Douglas Welch ran an older column of his recently on his website.
Not everyone is happy when you change.
So much of it reminded me of what can often happen to survivors going through the healing process.
Usually, those around us, our friends and family, are supportive of our changes. They want to see us grow, too. On occasion, though, there are people who see changes in your life as threatening to their own status quo. If you gain success by changing, what does that mean for them if they remain the same. Humans can be caring individuals, but sometimes they can get wrapped up in their own emotions.
I am sure you have seen this in action in your own life. You decide to lose some weight and then a friend constantly entices you to go to one restaurant or another. You disclose your desire to move to a new town, only to hear all the negative aspects of living there. You are looking for a promotion and your co-workers try to convince you that it would either be too hard of a job or that you could never succeed at it. This natural desire to maintain the status quo can take many forms from benign to destructive, but you always need to look beyond what your friends are saying and find the underlying cause.
Sound familiar to any of you? It sure does to me. Whether we are talking about family members who don’t want you to heal and tell your story for their own selfish reasons, or to “protect family secrets”, or friends who have gotten used to the person you are currently, and don’t want anything to be different, or others who simply can’t understand what you are trying to do, not everyone is going to be thrilled as you go through a change to help you live a healthy life.
But in the end, those people aren’t what matters. The new, healthy you, will make new friends, have new interests, and make healthy connections. Mourn for the lost connections all you want, but you have to move forward, not be held back by those around you. That’s no way to move forward into the life you deserve.
RT @SurvivorNetwork: How Will Others React to Your Change?: Douglas Welch ran an older column of his
How Will Others React to Your Change? – Child Abuse Survivor http://t.co/Pdbpt9fiFm. A thought provoking read for all.
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I am probably going to sound really pessimistic, but how does one heal from sexual physical and emotional abuse suffered, when because of this, one turns gay (i don’t want to be gay), and one can’t even go to there parents, with any of this, who are the ones closest to you, who are suppose to love you and not reject you? I almost think it is impossible to ever really be healed. ~ I turned to God and even that is a flop. I found out God can’t fix everything, and i have ran into christians who when they found out how much of a down an outer i am they just used me and took advantage of me, and condemned me. ~ This is all just a mess. I am frustrated and sort of just giving up. I don’t know where any of this is going to lead or turn out…
First, you don’t sound really pessimistic, you actually sound like just about every survivor has at one point or another. Healing is not easy and starting down that path can be kind of a mess. There is no “one way” to heal, we are all different and respond to different things. The one thing I would say, is that finding a good therapist, who can assist you in finding the correct path for you, can be incredibly helpful. I eventually found one who did, and even though what we did in therapy was quite different from what I’ve seen many other survivors do, just being able to work through that and make my own decisions about how to heal, was healing in and of itself. There are worse places to start than finding a good therapist to provide a constant while you find your footing.
Thank’s for this! I was just looking up therapists in my area and there are quite a few, which i didn’t know there was. ~ I’m scared tho. I know they are going to ask me what my goals are, and who i want to be. I’m afraid that who i want to be is unattainable. I mean i tried God, and things seem worse. My new quote is, “God can save you, but he can’t fix everything.” So, if God couldn’t fix it, then i am worried… But then maybe God can’t fix it until something else is done first. We’ll see what happens… ~ I wish YOU all the best! and “b strong”. “B strong” is what a man (who was badly sexually abused as a kid) tells me, the little bit i have talked to him on You Tube.
You’ll never know what you can attain until you try, right? 😉
I am going through psychotherapy now and can relate to what you say. There are a couple of people around me who haven’t liked the change and family are very distant, probably worrying what I may realise about them!
It’s sad, but it happens. People don’t understand what therapy or mental health problems are so they start to look warily at anyone going to a therapist, or talking about mental health. Just because it makes them uncomfortable though, doesn’t mean it’s not doing you good, which is the important part! Good luck!
I understand you when you say that you are gay but you don’t want to be. My parent’s abuse caused me to be a post op transsexual. I never went through the typical pattern of wanting to be a woman. It was their emotional,psychological,and physical abused that left me unable to relate to either sex on an intimate level. Now I can but I’ve lost everything in the process. I’ve had therapy and come to understand that they never loved me. I am too old to start again and only hope that I find a release from the pain soon.