Let’s Talk About What I Owe You

Every once in awhile, I need to revisit this topic and explain what this site, and the social network accounts that are tied to this site, are, and aren’t.

While I try to generally be helpful, and allow for survivors to express themselves in the comments here, or over on the Facebook site, it’s recently become somewhat problematic for me because some people simply don’t understand what it is I do here.

First and foremost, I do this in my spare time. I hold down a more than full time job that requires me to travel quite a bit. When I’m not traveling, my highest priority is trying to have a life with my wife, and trying to do things we enjoy together, as well as all the day to day things we all have to do. Somewhere lower down that list of priorities lies running this site, and even further down that list of priorities lies dealing with comments, emails, Facebook posts etc. that people are posting on the site.

So, if you send me an email, I don’t necessarily owe you a response. If you send me an email about something I think would be helpful for readers of the site, or I have a specific interest in, I might very well respond. I might very well share the information here, or I may very well take some of my own time to help you out. But I make no promises.

If you sent me a message on Facebook or Twitter, the same thing holds true. Likewise, even when I do respond, it might take a week, or more.

If my lack of a response somehow offends you, that is not really my problem either. I don’t ask anyone to pay for anything on this site, I freely give of my time and money to keep it going and to provide good content. I also freely give of my time and money in other ways to make sure survivors can see that there are lots of other people going through the same things they are. If you feel like you are owed something above and beyond that, you might have issues with how you interact with people.

Similarly, the comments here, and on Facebook, are my possession. While I appreciate feedback, those are not the place for you to feel like you can say or do anything you want. If you want that, get your own site. I absolutely reserve the right to remove anything, any time. I try to be fair about it, and generally am pretty laid back about it, I’m also not going to stand for people posting links to things that might be dangerous, or that I simply don’t have time to check for myself to determine whether those are healthy places for survivors to visit. Also, like I said, if the comments are just you posting random things over and over, essentially spamming the site, you don’t get to do that here. Please go do that on your own space.

Today, because of people who don’t seem to understand these kinds of things, I have turned off the ability for anyone other than myself to post items to the Facebook page for this site. I didn’t necessarily want to do that, but I also don’t have time to deal with people who feel like that space is theirs to post any and everything that they want. It’s not, and the last thing I want is someone visiting that page to think that I somehow endorse some of the things people are posting over there, especially when they post links to things that I don’t know about at all. So, it’s been turned off in order to err on the side of caution. Not that I owe you that caution, but it is something I want to do.

That being said, another thing I don’t owe you, is going back and checking links from years old posts. Yes, it’s entirely possible there are links that no longer post to the page that used to be at that location. Welcome to the internet, happens all the time. Anything that is not on this page, is outside of my control, and even if I’m the one linking to it, that does not guarantee the site I linked to is still the same site today. So be cautious, ok?

While we’re on the subject of links, I don’t owe you a link, a mention on Twitter, or publicity for your pet cause just because it might be related to child abuse, and especially if it involves a specific case of alleged child abuse. If I’m not intimately aware of the details of a specific case, I actually have no business talking about it. So if you’re aware of a story of one parent accusing the other of abuse and the police not investigating it, or a case of alleged institutional abuse that is being ignored and all you can do is point me to a page written by the person looking for help, etc. don’t waste your time sending me information about it. I’m not educated enough to take a position, I’m not going to take the time to be educated about it more than likely, and you should spend your time petitioning the people who can actually do something about it instead of random bloggers on the internet. So don’t bother sending me notes, posts, etc. and claiming that my silence means I condone the abuse. My silence means that I don’t know enough to speak intelligently about something, so I don’t. (I know, a novel concept on the internet, but still…)

So, with all that being said, please enjoy the site for what it is, and feel free to contact me, or comment on anything here. I actually do enjoy the community of other survivors, and the interaction I have had with people here. Every once in a while, however, I need to go back and enforce the proper boundaries. Please consider this me setting those boundaries and expectations. Thanks for your attention, and thanks for all the great stuff that folks have shared with me through the years.

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  1. Yes you need to stick to your boundaries..I was told at an adults surviving child abuse workshop we don’t have clear definitive boundaries and are likely to have people take advantage of us.

    My boundaries are very hazy and I tend to judge myself harshly and take ages dwelling over choices, before making a haphazard decision that I fail to stick to. It’s a learning curve.


    1. Thanks for understanding the need for boundaries, especially since I haven’t yet had a chance to check out your site after you sen me a message about it. I will get around to it. 😉

  2. Atta, boy! It’s important to remember that social media is only part of what we do — not our entire lives.

    Great post.

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