The post I’m not supposed to write – how we are silencing victims
We blame the very people who have suffered the most for upsetting the nice little world we’ve made up in our heads, and we dare to talk about that being about safety.
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Social Media is Not What It Promised to Be – a History
You are my online community, and while your numbers might not be as large as the number of followers I had on other platforms, I’m not worried about how this platform will change and become dangerous to any of you. This platform, MY platform, is safe for survivors, for those of you with mental health struggles, and for those of you dealing with illness, oppression, hatred, and discrimination. There are no shareholders to be beholden to, no one tracking you, no ads. There’s nothing here but one guy reminding you all that you are not alone.
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The Difference Between Knowledge and Life Experience
You should not feel sorry for me. This post isn’t about me. As I said, I have a condition that millions of people deal with every day. I’ll do the same. It’s about the reality that people around us are living with things that require efforts that we don’t understand. Just showing up for life every day requires effort and dedication from everyone you know. The amount of effort and challenges are different, and they are not distributed equally. You shouldn’t dismiss anyone’s struggles, especially if you’ve not been in those same circumstances yourself.
Some things have to be experienced to see all the details. When someone is willing to share the details of their challenges, listen and learn. Raise their voices instead of assuming you know the answers.
Experience is a hard teacher. We all can learn the lessons from those who’ve lived it.
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Society Doesn’t Learn – Survivors Aren’t Believed
It’s disheartening to think that I’ve spent over 20 years in the online survivor community advocating that we believe survivors and act on accusations of abuse only to wind up here. This feels like we’ve gone back to the days of sexual violence being unheard of because no one would dare talk about being a victim. It’s enough to make you want to quit. I felt that way last week. As I watched my wife’s hope for women across the country leave her body while also being overwhelmingly angry at people who voted for a criminal and a rapist, I wanted to walk away and shut myself off from the world.
Instead, I stepped away for a few days and reminded myself that there will be innumerable victims of sexual abuse who can’t talk about it and need to know that they are not alone. There are growing numbers of survivors who will be losing their families and friends and need to know that they are not alone. We will all be looking for community.
If anything, the importance of staying online and continuing to talk about child abuse, sexual violence, mental health, and supporting vulnerable people is higher now than it has been in the entire time I’ve been doing this. Now is not the time to walk away; it’s the time to fight for survivors.
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On Martin Luther King Day
When I think of the famous speeches of Dr. King, I am always reminded of this fact. We have always seen certain groups of people as less deserving of the rights we willingly claim for ourselves. Be it blacks, immigrants, prisoners, those with mental health struggles or disabilities, members of the LGBTQ community, or addicts, it is far too easy to look at them with judgment and disdain. Maybe even fear. They’re different than me. What happens to them is not my concern. They probably brought it on themselves anyway.
Those are all too easy to say. The hard work is in looking at people who are different from us, who live different lives, make different choices, and recognize our common humanity. That’s what Dr. King was talking about. Not being blind to our differences but being aware that we are all human and deserve respect based on that. So when a black man is lynched, or a prisoner dies from a lack of medical care, or someone struggling dies from suicide without access to mental healthcare, or because their own family won’t accept them for who they are, we fail as a society. We fail to see human life as human life.
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Social Connections Don’t Solve Everything But They Matter, A Lot
On the other hand, when we are struggling, our first instinct is often to not get in touch with someone. It’s to isolate. I suspect that is because we live in a world that has been telling us to be positive. That feeling down shouldn’t be shared, lest we negatively influence our friends and be cut out of their lives. (Good vibes only, am I right?)
That’s not the way any of this is supposed to work.
