Healing

  • The importance of unlearning our childhood stories

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

    I could not heal until I unlearned that my abuse was something I somehow caused. Unlearning that opened up the possibility of learning something different, namely, that I was abused because someone decided to abuse me. Did that happen overnight? Of course not! Unlearning is a process, and the more closely we identify with a belief, the more difficult it becomes to unlearn it. So many survivors learn at a very early age to keep secrets, that bad things will happen if they tell anyone.

    People who’ve never had that belief drilled into their young minds wonder why victims wait decades to come forward and tell their stories. That’s why! That belief is hard to unlearn. Many of us grew up with silence being the thing that prevents the abuse from being worse. Why should we start discussing it? If you tried to tell someone as a child and got shut down, this only gets worse. 

  • World Suicide Prevention Day 2025 and things that don’t exist

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 4 minutes

    It’s heartbreaking to me. It’s overwhelming to consider what’s missing because we haven’t figured out a way to help those who need it the most. The loss is incalculable. I have no words to describe it. I can personalize it because I was someone at risk. I know what would be missing if I had lost that battle. I’d be missing from everything that has happened in the 30 years since. I don’t like to think about that. I can’t imagine a world where I never met my wife or many of the incredibly special people I’ve come to know over the years. I’m fortunate that it isn’t the real world, but I’m also aware of how easily it could have been. I was able to get help. I found support when needed. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough to keep me connected to life and other people.

    Please, learn about suicide prevention. Ensure that you and everyone you care about are aware of the 988 number and other local resources available to you. Learn about how you can “Change the Narrative” this year at the WSPD link above.

  • A Misunderstanding – What I Assumed Would Be Freeing Seems to be Difficult

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

    As I said, that’s the good news. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t ask to be abused any more than a woman asks to be sexually harassed on the street or a minority asks to be discriminated against, and there wasn’t any action you took to cause it. The decision to abuse was 100% on the abuser. 

    I also understand that this is bad news. Some people decide to hurt others based on their desires and ideas. There is no other reason and no promise that it will be just. It isn’t easy to let go of that ideal when it’s been drilled into us from an early age. Letting go means a complete reinterpretation of the world and our place in it. It’s hard work to figure out how to live our lives if something we’ve clung to since childhood isn’t true. 

  • Why Finding your Current Baseline Matters

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

    Many people give up on healing because they can’t see how far they’ve come. They can only see how far away their ideal self is from where they are now. Sadly, this ideal is often unrealistic. We are also blind to our progress because we didn’t set the baseline. We look at our status today and can only compare it to what we think we should be instead of looking back and seeing how much improvement there was. 

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    Unpopular Opinion, The Kids Online Safety Act is Going to Harm More Kids than it Protects

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

    I get it. The people who write these laws live in a world where kids all have a loving family who cares about them and want only to protect them from the evil that exists “out there.” They will provide whatever help and information their kids need, and there’s no need for them to navigate the wildness of the internet.  But we make information available to kids online because that’s not their reality. They don’t have supportive parents, they get kicked out for being gay, they are being abused at home, they are dealing with mental health issues their parents refuse to acknowledge, and they are often alone in trying to get help.

    Those kids need an open internet.