Many people give up on healing because they can’t see how far they’ve come. They can only see how far away their ideal self is from where they are now. Sadly, this ideal is often unrealistic. We are also blind to our progress because we didn’t set the baseline. We look at our status today and can only compare it to what we think we should be instead of looking back and seeing how much improvement there was.
You should not feel sorry for me. This post isn’t about me. As I said, I have a condition that millions of people deal with every day. I’ll do the same. It’s about the reality that people around us are living with things that require efforts that we don’t understand. Just showing up for life every day requires effort and dedication from everyone you know. The amount of effort and challenges are different, and they are not distributed equally. You shouldn’t dismiss anyone’s struggles, especially if you’ve not been in those same circumstances yourself.
Some things have to be experienced to see all the details. When someone is willing to share the details of their challenges, listen and learn. Raise their voices instead of assuming you know the answers.
Experience is a hard teacher. We all can learn the lessons from those who’ve lived it.
No matter what our leaders want to include or exclude from the official histories, we know these events happened. We may not be successful in getting large-scale claims of abuse into the history books of the future, though we should try, but we can all continue to talk about them. The mainstream may want us to be quiet about the abuse that happens within the family, the church, etc., but we can tell our stories. We have voices, our own online spaces, connections, and the freedom to speak.
Most of all, we can support the people telling those stories. They are preserving our history and reminding all of us that the survivors are out here, we know what was done, and we will not accept the lies. We can ensure the truth is out there for those who want to learn and do everything we can to ensure that history is shared.
It’s disheartening to think that I’ve spent over 20 years in the online survivor community advocating that we believe survivors and act on accusations of abuse only to wind up here. This feels like we’ve gone back to the days of sexual violence being unheard of because no one would dare talk about being a victim. It’s enough to make you want to quit. I felt that way last week. As I watched my wife’s hope for women across the country leave her body while also being overwhelmingly angry at people who voted for a criminal and a rapist, I wanted to walk away and shut myself off from the world.
Instead, I stepped away for a few days and reminded myself that there will be innumerable victims of sexual abuse who can’t talk about it and need to know that they are not alone. There are growing numbers of survivors who will be losing their families and friends and need to know that they are not alone. We will all be looking for community.
If anything, the importance of staying online and continuing to talk about child abuse, sexual violence, mental health, and supporting vulnerable people is higher now than it has been in the entire time I’ve been doing this. Now is not the time to walk away; it’s the time to fight for survivors.
Imagine frowning upon someone taking ibuprofen for a headache because they should “tough it out.” Or talking about how the common cold affects people “over there” and not your group.
It’s nonsense. Yet, when it comes to talking about mental health, people start that same nonsense as if they have never had a day where they struggle with anxiety or need to take a break from the stress of day-to-day life.
I think it’s time we started looking at mental health the way Dr. Lee describes it. We all have mental health issues of some form or another, just like we all have different physical ailments at times. Stigmatizing people who need mental healthcare and being unable to provide it is a failure for all of us.
We did all of those things in the 24-72 hours before the storm. The storm should make landfall sometime tomorrow. We’ve got our water stock, will get some ice, and have everything on chargers, batteries, and flashlights ready. Our cars are full of gas, cash on hand, and ice is getting picked up now.
If/when the power goes out tomorrow, we’ve got the necessities and a pretty good idea of where we will head on Thursday if it appears we’ll be without power for a few days.
Similarly, we don’t wait until someone is in a mental health crisis to figure out how to keep them alive. Plan. Know who to call, where to go, and what activities help you in crisis. Let the people in your life know the plan so they know what to do.
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