So, when I look at a highly successful program like US gymnastics, like Penn State football, like USA Swimming, like English Youth Football, etc. I think we can clearly see this. Why be such a downer, don’t you see how much good this program, and the people in it, are doing? It’s probably nothing, just some misunderstanding by over-imaginative kids. Nothing to worry about, look at the success we are having in the field, gym, or water. That’s what this is all about. That’s the important thing. The rest of this will pass.
Except in the case of US Gymnastics, these ladies, and dozens of others, have not simply let it pass. They have remained steadfast in talking about it, making sure they can do everything they can to make sure it doesn’t happen to the next generation and reminding all of us that winning at all costs, is not worth the damage that is done to children who are sexually abused.
They are truly resilient, like many of us who have survived sexual abuse, and gone on to talk about it, share our own stories, and live our adult lives. But never confuse that resiliency with how hard it really is to do. Never look at a survivor who has appeared to overcome their abuse, and assume that it’s ok to diminish what happened to them. It’s never easy, and for each one who might appear to have overcome, I’ll show you 5 who are still struggling every single day. You’ll find many of them in prison, or mental health care centers. Still dealing with the aftermath of their childhood trauma without access to the same support and resources that we lucky few have had the privilege to have. Yet they are all human beings, and they were all children once, children who had to suffer at the hands of adults who were more interested in their own pleasures, comfort, and place in their society than they were to consider the damage being done to these children.
Don’t be one of those adults. There are many ways to abuse a child. Larry Nassar did and is paying for his crimes, finally. But there were a whole lot of other adults who abused these girls, by not taking it seriously, not investigating, and not caring enough about them as human beings to protect them. Make no mistake about that.
Same issue with Google Plus – they want your real name only, and it remains to be seen whether other users can complain about any legitimate discussion of abuse issues on Google+ and get it censored in the same way they can on Facebook. Also, they could choose to censor it themselves if they go off on a “family friendly” tangent.
Some time back my 12 yo son’s behavior seemed to take a change for the worse. I had thought maybe it was coming into his teen years and would grow out of it. Aside from attitude issues, he started coming home later and later even though his curfew was 10:00 on weekends. I started to worry more as there were time I could smell alcohol on him. I normally wouldn’t break his trust and search his room but my bigger fear was that he had gotten involved in drugs.
What I did find when I searched his room was something that I did not expect to find. I found a computer storage with very revealing photos of an adult woman. Needless to say, I was quite upset as I recognized the woman. I confronted my son and of course he said that he found it and was not doing anything with her. I told him that I better not ever catch him with her or he would go live with his father. I think that she had molested my son but I never reported it as this woman works for a court. Who would they believe? I’m sure she would come after me by having the cops harass me and who knows what.
I am very angry that this woman more than likely molested my son and believe that she was giving him alcohol as well. Since I put a stop to this his behavior seems to have returned to normal. At least I don’t smell alcohol on him anymore and he rarely misses his curfew on weekends.
You should report any suspected child abuse . This is the only way to protect your child completely . If she was giving him alcahol
to lower his inhibitions , she will do so with someone elses child . Please don’t let her continue .
I cannot say that im a survivor, im still alive. That’s it, I’m 44 years old , abused by an older neighbour sometime at age 9. I just can recall that I was cheated by a person that I admired. 34 years of keeping it a secret from my family, although I sometimes suspect they know. Its a bad thing when this happens to you, its a bad thing when that evil comes into your house. I am not married, have a daughter, 21 years old that no longer carries my name. Im not complainig on that, just to tell you that abuse is very bad. I cannot believe the evil of abusers. Millions of thoughts to try to explain it. I do have a steady job, a good position and Im grateful. But I have not been able to construct appropriately my life. Years have passed. I even went to a psicologist during my school years and told her (among other therapitsts). She was not very professional, she told me that I could never tell that story to a girl because she would always doubt my manhood. I was 16 years when I consulted her. Even though I fear my own feelings, and have tried to deny and destroy myself through hate for as long as I remember, I do feel much more of a man than many cowards out there, who deceive childs, who tell them lies and make them do things, destroy their possibilities for the future. My country wants to give life sentence for abusers. Well, they have given us abused live sentences too. That lier, that evil person becomes a part of your life, that “friend”. And I m sorry to see out there all those people that turn homosexuals because of abuse, carry that “friend” in their head, and confuse it with their selfs. And make them meet other “friends”. Now for me, one of my thoughts is that I have to take that “friend” as a secret to may grave. A lot of discipline it requieres. I want to extend my sympathy for you all, to give hope to any of you. That “friend” has to be beaten, and try to get free form him. No more shame. Shame goes to the abuser, who is no more than a coward, a deceiver that can only achieve its goals by using childs. I have more on my life, but its a long story. Only I can say that human knwoledge on understanding how to help an abused is still very little. Cannot keep on analyzing factas and behaviour. It is more the spiritual harm, and spirit is allwayse healed by love.
Luis, if you’re still here after everything you’ve been through, then you are a survivor. Plain and simple, you’ve survived childhood and have hope for healing and a bright future. That’s surviving. My hope for you is that you will find your way to healing, and the happiness that alludes you currently. It’s possible!
Mike, these are very kind words. There is no little or big in the life of a person that was subject to abuse. I hope it does stop in the world. I have been struggling all my life, and I am know as I write this words. Does it have any explanation? Im a supporter of this site now. And all those sad stories I’ve read here now, I do feel very very sad. I would like to give hope to all, it gives me hope too. Love.
So long as we are still here, and can go on to the next day, there is always hope!
Mike,
I send an email through another option from the website. I just wanted to let you know this, because somewhere else it was posted that the site was not fully operational, or something along that line, and I really wanted to connect with you about some help I need.
Please be looking for the other email from me, and if you do not see it, contact me, please.
RE: Seekings survivors who are determined and that persistently seeking and embracing healing… NOT brokenness, NOT victim-hood, to read a book I am giving consideration to, for possible publishing.
Nothing negative is implied in this. I have embraced brokenness for most of my life, and it’s only been the past six years that I have diligently sought repair and restoration work myself. I was a “victim” all those years and I am still, working out of the victim mentality, daily.
It’s a life long journey to seek and dig and climb out from the destructive rubble and debris of abuse, but, once you learn to embrace healing more than anything else, you are more and more encouraged, and more and more empowered, and this gives you renewed strngth and purpose to keep on climbing up, from under, and with hope to reach the blue skies!
I know there are those who have almost climbed out completely, and some, are where I am, learning the value of, appreciating the results of the acceptance and efforts to unlearn, and relearn everything.
I need this level of survivor readers to test my book, and give honest feedback.
It’s written from realities, and mostly, from a heart that cares, deeply… so deeply for each and everyone who has suffered abuse. This may enrage a few people, but it is my hope that it also will touch the hearts, minds and even the soul of “repeat” abusers, and lead them to acknowledging that they can learn, change and stop. So, if there is anyone who this would offend, and I understand, believe me… they would not be a candidate. Not long ago, myself, I could not fathom ever wanting to reach out to abusers. But now, in my healing process, as I am finding who I originally was before the personal tragedy of my life, I am fining a new level of hope for the circle of life and the need for all broken, hurting, damaged and lost souls, to get the healing help they all so desperately need, and all the various levels.
So… Mike, if you would be willing, to give thought to this, and inquire as needed, to receive more details from me, then possibly be willing approach people you know, that may be perfect for this request, that would be willing to be volunteer “readers,” I would appreciate it.
I truly appreciate your POSITIVE and HOPEFUL ways!
Know, without a doubt, that you are effectively making a significant and profound difference in the lives of others.
I would volunter for reading your book. Since its Mike’s site, it is at his discretion to give contact information. If any, good luck with your book.
Happy new year to you all.
Luis…
Thanks so very much!
It is really a rough draft.
I am not skilled at all in anything but creative, or from the heart writing… Or, so I have been told anyway.
If you read it, and think it has potential to be effective in opening and eyes and giving understanding… and motivating people, please consider asking friends you may know if they want to help out with a proof for edit.
It’s writing for the cause more than self.
My idea is to use proceeds, if the book is ever published and sold, to help with “Life Restoration Homes” and investing in truly effective programs, to get evidence of what I believe is true.
This will make more sense after you read it.
But, be warned (smile) it’s really, really rough.
Read from the heart, and please… make readers notes all over it, and then give me honest reader feedback when you are finished.
I have Word docs at this point. I will send them to Mike, as attached docs.
Thanks again!
Teth, I am a well-respected Web writer, head up a pretty solid writing group, and am a budding novelist, as well a sexual abuse survivor. I’d be happy to read your work and offer comments.
bob
Bob,
This means a great deal to me. Thank you so very much.
Please contact me directly through my email, and I can send you what I have so far.
Good for you in all you are acomplishing!
How are we to connect outside of this forum?
Teth
Feel free to email me @ backstopbob89@yahoo.com
bob
I didn’t now that the survivors blog/network was back. I was on it about 5 years ago give or take a few. It was so important in helping me. I would like to be pare of it was it is running again or if it is.
Lindy, it was back briefly but is completely offline again. I simply don’t have the time to maintain a network site on my own. There are lots of other places that are still around though!
i typed everything n i deleted it all.
feels like shit. I’m 24 n from india. no guts to type.
Don’t beat yourself up over it. Maybe you just aren’t ready to type out your story and post it publicly on the internet. Nothing wrong with that, try sharing it somewhere you do feel comfortable and work up to it.
If anyone has been or is being abused subscribe to me because I will help you!