Reflective Pause

Yesterday marked an anniversary for me. Nothing big, but it was important to that time of my life. 6 years ago yesterday I started working at my current employer. Starting this job then was a big deal, not because of the job necessarily but because it marked the final corner turn in my recovery. After a couple of years of manic depression, random fugue states, therapy, medication, a divorce, a stay in the hospital and almost a year of unemployment recovering from both the physical symptoms of the illness that put me in the hospital and the mental/emotional symptoms of my depression, I was finally getting back to work. I don’t suppose at that time I knew that I would spend 6 years of my life here, and I certainly never anticipated meeting and falling in love with Angela here, but it happened. That’s sort of the way life goes sometimes. 🙂

Thinking back, I probably am most surprised that I lived through that time. Lots of other folks who go through similar experiences don’t. I don’t know why I was lucky enough to survive, and lord knows I even tried to not survive it, but I did. Again, that’s the way life works sometimes. Doesn’t make much sense, but there it is.

Starting a job at that time was such a huge event for me. Oh I suppose it’s a huge event for everyone, but just having a job was pretty huge. Like I said, it was a major corner turn, it was the last bit of the puzzle. It allowed me to feel like I was living more of a “normal” life. I got up in the morning and went to work. I was doing something productive, and getting paid. For the first time in a long time I was taking care of myself, and viewing my life as something worth taking care of. I was also learning to take all those stress techniques and lessons from all that time in therapy and applying it in everyday life. I was learning how to do my best and be happy with that. I was learning how to handle stressful situations without falling back into depression. I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The light that represented healing. It didn’t end my struggles with depression and other issues, but the light gave me hope that I could at least learn to live with them and be happy. Just simply being happy didn’t seem possible for years and now I could see it as a possibility again. That has made all the difference in the last 6 years.