Reflective Pause

Yesterday marked an anniversary for me. Nothing big, but it was important to that time of my life. 6 years ago yesterday I started working at my current employer. Starting this job then was a big deal, not because of the job necessarily but because it marked the final corner turn in my recovery. After a couple of years of manic depression, random fugue states, therapy, medication, a divorce, a stay in the hospital and almost a year of unemployment recovering from both the physical symptoms of the illness that put me in the hospital and the mental/emotional symptoms of my depression, I was finally getting back to work. I don’t suppose at that time I knew that I would spend 6 years of my life here, and I certainly never anticipated meeting and falling in love with Angela here, but it happened. That’s sort of the way life goes sometimes. 🙂

Thinking back, I probably am most surprised that I lived through that time. Lots of other folks who go through similar experiences don’t. I don’t know why I was lucky enough to survive, and lord knows I even tried to not survive it, but I did. Again, that’s the way life works sometimes. Doesn’t make much sense, but there it is.

Starting a job at that time was such a huge event for me. Oh I suppose it’s a huge event for everyone, but just having a job was pretty huge. Like I said, it was a major corner turn, it was the last bit of the puzzle. It allowed me to feel like I was living more of a “normal” life. I got up in the morning and went to work. I was doing something productive, and getting paid. For the first time in a long time I was taking care of myself, and viewing my life as something worth taking care of. I was also learning to take all those stress techniques and lessons from all that time in therapy and applying it in everyday life. I was learning how to do my best and be happy with that. I was learning how to handle stressful situations without falling back into depression. I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The light that represented healing. It didn’t end my struggles with and other issues, but the light gave me that I could at least learn to live with them and be happy. Just simply being happy didn’t seem possible for years and now I could see it as a possibility again. That has made all the difference in the last 6 years.

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