It was the stories. It was all of those people doing this in memory of someone they lost. Or, like me, in memory of the fact that we are still here instead of leaving others to tell our stories. In our day to day lives, it’s too easy to forget how many people are impacted by suicide each and every year across the country, and the world. The further in time I get away from that time in my own life, the easier it can be to put it behind me and forget about it. But, that is something I never want to do. As painful as it is, I want to remember what it was like to no longer want to be alive. When someone is in that place, I want to be able to say, “I’ve been where you are”, to recall all of the details, and be able to sit and understand. Because that is how we save people. Not by talking in hushed tones about depression, or mental illness, but by sharing the stories of people who survived and healed, and of those we’ve lost.
Let’s face it, if you spend much time considering those losses, and listening to those stories, it is impossible to walk away without realizing that we have lost a devastating number of people to this disease. Many more than some of the diseases we all gladly talk openly about every day. Yet somehow, maybe because we don’t understand it, or are afraid of it, we keep silent. After all, it might make someone uncomfortable. Even I have, at times, kept the details to myself in fear of making other people uncomfortable, or risk having them worry about me. The more I read and heard these stories though, the more I realized that I needed to share my story, if only so that anyone who reads it would know, and maybe even understand a little bit, what it’s like to be so far down into the darkness of depression, that you don’t want to live any longer. So, with that said, let me share my experience with you, now that it’s been some 25 years, and maybe now people won’t worry so much about me. (Warning, this is about to get dark, and we will talk a bit about suicide, though I will keep those exact details out)
Mike, congratulations and best wishes. So sorry to hear that you’ve suffered child abuse and depression. Me, too. I just started to face it about 6 months ago. I’m 45 now, abuse was when I was 8-10. How did you overcome?
John,
A lot of time, a lot of work, a lot of reorienting the way I looked at everything and everyone. It’s an ongoing process, believe me. 🙂
Wishing you all the best on the job search and good for you for doing the reflective work.
(Why is it so hard for us (survivors) to compliment ourselves, feel good about our work and the like?! – I too have experienced this and it is frustrating.)
Again, all the best,
Leah
Great stuff so much better than the negative stuff we (us survivors) can all list ad infinitum
Dan
I feel as if child abuse is based on someone ignorance. The person probably has low self-esteem and has anger problems. So instead of them taking their anger out on the person that caused it they will take it out on their children. Mainly because they know that their children will not strike back. That’s how i feel and someone needs to put an end to all this. I have suffered sex abuse when I was 12-15 and now I’m only 16, but I’m getting over it.