Maybe it is All About Just Showing up and Being Friendly

Last week, I was doing some heavy driving to make office visits with my team, which meant leaving the warmth of Louisiana to drive up to Kentucky and Ohio. Since being in the car for 12-14 hours at a time is not something I’m capable of at this point in my life, I divided the drive by stopping in Arlington, TN, on the way up and again on the way home.

For the record, Arlington, TN, is not a large town, but it’s right off I-40 and the I-259 loop that I could use to go around Memphis, and there’s at least a Chipotle nearby to grab dinner, so for this purpose, it was great.

Yes, I had Chipotle on both stops, both Saturday nights. Don’t judge me.

What was fascinating to me was that both times there was an elderly couple of Asian heritage who came in with their walkers, and sat down to eat their dinner in the middle of the Chipotle. As I sat eating my meal before returning to my hotel room, I watched as 75-80% of the people who came in to pick up an order, eat in, or worked at the restaurant stopped to chat with this couple. These people represented various demographics: high school drama kids and jocks, middle-aged parents with small children, and men in their 20s. They had a lengthy, boisterous conversation with them. Employees chatted back and forth while doing their jobs. These were white, black, and Latino patrons.

I began to wonder who this couple was. He wore a Military Veteran ballcap, and his thick accent led me to believe he might have been from South Vietnam or South Korea. Still, that alone didn’t explain why everyone seemed to want to talk to them. Most of the people there wouldn’t be old enough to remember those wars. Maybe he’s the mayor, or she was a longtime schoolteacher? I don’t know anything about them personally, and I didn’t ask. It was more fun just to watch without trying to insert myself into what was happening.

One thing I do know, however, is that contrary to what we’ve talked about a lot on these pages, they were not lonely. They had a community around them. A large one at that. It occurs to me that maybe that’s all there is to it. They go to the same place frequently, people expect to see them there, and they are fun and friendly to everyone they come in contact with.

Maybe that’s the biggest thing we’re missing in our increasing loneliness, the willingness and opportunity to just be in the same place with many of the same people frequently. Instead of maximising the experience of eating out around the food and the diversity of options, they choose to go to the same place and see the same people and just be in that community every Saturday night. (Possibly even more frequently, I was only there on two Saturday nights.)

Maybe they’ve stumbled onto the simplest life hack there is for loneliness – become a regular somewhere. Exist in a space where people expect you to be and then be friendly while you’re there.

It seems to be working for them, and to be honest, it was one of the sweetest things I’ve witnessed in a long time.