It’s still not safe to be honest

For all the apparent progress we’ve made when it comes to mental health stigma, I am constantly reminded that in significant ways, we are no better off than we have been for years.

I shared recently about how talking about mental health at work might not get you immediately fired or shunned like it once would have, but there are still significant downsides:

In tech, do you want to be perceived as someone who might not be able to produce at the same level as everyone else? In law, do you want to be seen as maybe not able to hack the billable-hour requirements?

Whether either of those perceptions is true is not relevant; the risk of being seen that way exists. This risk makes asking for help less safe, which makes it more likely that someone won’t be able to do it.

In any competitive or demanding career, admitting to a mental health struggle is to be perceived as being less capable, and being seen as less capable is a career-killer.

This week, the world of sports gave us another example:

Jarren Duran’s experience with fan abuse shows there’s still risk in athletes being vulnerable

If you’re not familiar with his story, Jarren talked openly about his struggles early in his career, including struggling with suicidal ideation.

Since then, he has been subject to harassment from opposing fans on at least a couple of documented occasions, but it seems there may have been many more. This last one involved him reacting to the fan, and while I don’t condone his actions, I get it. How much are you supposed to take? What made me want to write about this, however, was this quote:

“Honestly, it’s my fault for talking about my mental health because I kind of brought in the haters,” he said.

This is the reality for someone in the public space. It also sends the message to everyone out there struggling alone right now – keep your mouth shut, do not ask for help, or share your struggle. Because when you do, you’ll bring the haters too.

The question isn’t about sharing or not sharing, it’s about why we, as a society, tolerate the haters. Why, in a stadium full of tens of thousands of fans, did he have to take that on by himself? How many people heard someone tell a fellow human being to kill themselves and laughed?

How many people heard it or read about it and decided against asking for help? How many of them will we lose?