Ending the Year With a Perfect Metaphor for 2023
This was the story of 2023 for me. I was sitting in the car, trying to catch my breath, my face swollen, sunglasses no longer completely on my face, lamenting what I should have done differently.
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Social Connections Don’t Solve Everything But They Matter, A Lot
On the other hand, when we are struggling, our first instinct is often to not get in touch with someone. It’s to isolate. I suspect that is because we live in a world that has been telling us to be positive. That feeling down shouldn’t be shared, lest we negatively influence our friends and be cut out of their lives. (Good vibes only, am I right?)
That’s not the way any of this is supposed to work.
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Loneliness and the Loss of Third Places
We are much more likely to watch Netflix instead of spending time in a third place. We are a culture that is seeing less and less interest in churches, club memberships, leagues, etc., and one that provides fewer clubs, small events, and other spaces for people to hang out in. That has hurt us socially. Media has made us much more afraid of each other, pushing us away from forming communities. (Fox specializes in terrifying their own audience and telling them to keep coming back to learn all the things they should be scared of, and others have followed in their footsteps.)They have helped us become less and less interested in creating third places. If we do gather, it’s usually for some specific purpose or event, not something we do on an ongoing basis. So, we never form the bonds that give us a sense of belonging.
We are lonely. That loneliness is causing immense harm. We don’t belong anywhere, but we should belong and try to find ways to create a space where people can belong.
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The Thing You Enjoy, Can Just be Enjoyed
Now replace the word “pictures” in the link above with whatever you love. Do it not because anyone needs to be impressed or pay you for it, or it’ll advance your career, and make you look good to your peers, but just because it’s fun.
We all need time for fun activities.
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You’ve Already Done Hard Things
We’ve already done hard things, but we don’t give ourselves credit for it. Typically, we do the opposite, blaming ourselves for the trauma or our mental health struggles, thus seeing ourselves as weak, the kind of people who can’t do hard things. That carries over into all aspects of our lives. We don’t take risks in jobs, relationships, and other areas because we don’t think we’re capable, and we don’t think we could survive failure.
Which is weird, given how much we have survived.
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We Still Have to Talk about Why Sexual Assault Victims, Including Kids, Don’t Come Forward
Never mind the fact that they might have tried to tell someone and got shut down.
Never mind the fact that they might have told someone who didn’t believe them.
Never mind the fact that telling someone is going to create a massive conflict within their own family.
Never mind the fact that it’s doubtful that any conviction will occur if they tell the police.
Never mind the fact that they will now, and maybe forever, be seen as damaged goods by a large segment of society.
Never mind that, no matter how heinous the crime, they’ll have to answer question after question about what they did to provoke it.
