Tracie has an interesting story about how she wouldn’t ask for help as a new mom, even when it was clear that she needed it.
More importantly, she also lists some great resources where you can reach out and get help, whether you are depressed, a victim of sexual assault, or suspect a child is being abused.
As Tracie, and many of us, learned, we all need help every now and then.
For me, I’ve always viewed holding space in terms of that word, safe. When I hold space for someone I’m not solving their problem, or questioning them. I’m simply letting them be. Whatever that might look like at that moment, and I’m making sure that they are safe. It means making sure that being in my presence, either in person or virtually, is a place where they are free to cry, vent, question, or whatever form of expression is needed to help at that moment. It means being the person who is simply there, listening, offering support, but above all else, keeping them safe, physically, emotionally, mentally, etc.
I also recognize how difficult that really is to do. Many of us weren’t raised to “hold space”, but to fix things. We see someone crying and our instinct is to fix, to do something to get them to stop crying, instead of simply giving them space to cry. Or we want to run out and correct instead of simply allowing people the space to tell their story safe from the worry of the person hearing it will overreact. This is so hard for us, we want to correct injustice, to fight for the people we care about, but sometimes by doing so, we eliminate their safe space to simply tell their story and stop listening to what they want from us. That is the opposite of holding space.
How do you hold space for others, and for yourself?
As you know, I always try and share recommendations for books, and other resources that might be of use, so here is another list of recommended books about depression from Parade. Some of them I am familiar with, and think they are pretty good, most I’m not familiar with at all, so if you are, be sure to leave a comment letting us know your opinions!
When I started on this, I didn’t realize I’d be doing these sessions in the wake of layoffs and the middle of a bunch of other changes impacting these folks. Suddenly the conversation about their career goals has turned into a conversation about the trauma of going through a layoff.
As I mentioned to someone recently, this was more emotional labor than I had anticipated.
I know I haven’t been writing much this month, it’s been a very, very busy month! However, if you’re looking for some good stuff from other survivors, there’s no better place to start than this month’s edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse! Check it out, and consider submitting your own posts in future…
There’s been a long article making the rounds of social media the past couple of days. My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward It’s an interesting look into how relationship dynamics change and the roles can reverse when one partner has a psychotic episode. Especially the struggles to regain the trust of each other after…
Jan McDaniel recently wrote about having a mental health crisis plan and even compared it to the steps you would take if you had a medical condition like diabetes. It is true. Think about people you know, maybe even people you have some responsibility for. When I was much younger, I had a roommate who…
